I examine her frowning face, tired eyes, and tense body. Fuck, I know what that means. I did this. She was sleepwalking and it’s my fault for stressing her out. It happens to her when she has a lot on her mind and she keeps it all inside. And sleepwalking is her term for it. I don’t think anyone’s ever diagnosed her with such a thing, or if it even exists. The reality is she wanders and I’ve caught her doing it before. She wakes up in a daze with no purpose or clue as to what she’s doing or where she’s headed, and when she’s tired again, she’ll lie down wherever she is and fall back asleep. It’s rare for her to walk outside of our place and it terrifies me that it happened to her last night. She was down here in the lobby for anyone in the building to... damn... the things that could’ve happened to her.

“You okay?” I rub her back only for her to pull away.

“Nope. And I’m not going to talk about this with your father present.”

We ride to the top floor in silence. I try to remember exactly what I said to her last night, but it’s a blur. Shit, I can’t recall much after Kaitlyn’s house. All I know is that I was a complete dick and I fucked her in the Escalade behind the bar.

She races ahead of us when the elevator door opens and struts into our place, leaving the door open and thankfully not slamming it in my face.

My father grips my arm before I can follow her inside. “Listen son, I messed up and I hurt you. I know you don’t want to hear it, but I am sorry for the mistakes I made years ago, and now your anger for me is affecting your marriage in some way. Don’t confuse the two. Keep what’s happening between us separate from your relationship with Sophia.”

I turn away, letting his words ricochet through the hall and boomerang back into my head. He doesn’t have a clue as to what’s going on and working things out with my wife takes priority over him.

Sophia ignores my presence as I walk inside. She takes a box of Saltines from the pantry and pours a glass of cranberry juice for her morning meal. I can’t say that’s nutritious, but she’s never been one for breakfast.

“I’m sorry, Dove. I was drunk...”

“Shit ass excuse, Cove. Try again,” she heads for one of the windows in the living area and keeps her back turned while looking over the city. If it were possible to let off the fumes trapped inside of her body she’d steam up our windows. Yeah, she’s that upset.

“You didn’t have to screw me in the back of a car to ask about my interaction with David. That fuck last night was pure hostility on your part. It was cruel. I know we play around during sex, but it was clear you weren’t joking this time. You really hurt my feelings and you fucking did that to me once before... in Vegas, but I let it go because at that time you were more upset with yourself than with me. You fucker... argh.” The side of her face is bright red. “Cove, you came on my stomach with David Rosen in your head! You fucked me to make me suffer, to subject me to the distress you were under. How could you do such a thing? Why would you want to hurt me on purpose?”

“I had a bad day,” I mumble, standing directly behind her.

“Another shit ass excuse. I should just leave right now. Get a hotel room for the night.”

“I’m trying to apologize, and don’t threaten me.”

She’s silent as she takes another bite of one of her saltines, still gazing out the window. I sit on the couch and watch the muscles in her legs twitch, and wonder how I can repair this mistake. Staying silent isn’t the way to do it.

“Sophia... God... I’m sorry I hurt you,” I say in my softest voice while shaking my head. “Please talk to me. Tell me what I can do make this better. I took an evening of heavy drinking and sorrow out on you, placed you right in the middle of all of it, and I was inconsiderate. I’m sorry.”

“I know,” her hand shakes as she holds her glass. “So ask. Do what you should’ve done last night. Ask.”

“About David?”

“Yes, about David. Ask.”

I sigh and lean back on the sofa in preparation for something I may not want to hear. “Why didn’t you tell me he contacted you?”

“How did you find out?”

“Sophia... turn around and look at me. I want to see your face when we discuss this... please. Don’t make me apologize to the back of your head.”

She exhales as she turns, and I realize I’ve lost her trust. Her sadness breaks my heart. Why didn’t I see that last night? How could I not know this would happen?

“I should’ve followed after you, into the bar. Instead, I was ashamed and upset, so I had Haverty bring me back here.”

“No, you should’ve just come right out and talked to me, but you used your dick instead.”

My head bows toward the floor. I’m embarrassed and mortified now. I remember everything. She’s right. My plan last night with the fuck was to harm her, to force her to feel my pain. I didn’t want to be alone with such a wounded heart, and I thought she deserved to suffer like my father.

“You’re right, I screwed up.” I mumble. “Can I say something that may sound like an excuse, but that I believe is important? I need you to understand something.”

She nods and allows me to continue.

“I spent half my life with your father and his bodyguards, David Rosen’s sons.”

“Oh please don’t, Cove. Don’t bring my father into this conversation.”

I pause and look into her eyes. She can finally see how upset I am by my actions, and nods once more for me to go on.

“All I know from them is pain for pain. If people harm you, you harm them back, and to be honest with you Soph, most of the time I don’t feel like I’m able to function in this world because of my past. I’ve thought about it a lot. Who am I supposed to be? How am I supposed to act? Am I just walking through life putting on shows for everyone based on their personalities, and not my own? I mean; Haverty and I are vulgar fucks, no question there. When I’m with him I become some jock asshole, yet around my mother I try to be sensitive and considerate, but it doesn’t always work out that way. I don’t believe either of those personalities fits me. Then, I try to come across as a tough guy around my father, a man... but in the end I turn into a helpless little boy still searching for his protection.”

“And what about me?” she whispers. “Who are you when you’re with me?”

I rub my eyes with my thumb and forefinger and think. My teenage years were spent being sodomized; while other kids in this world were developing behaviors that helped them grow into healthy, young adults. It may be time to reveal myself to another person, yeah, a shrink, like I talked to my father about on the plane. It’s not fair to Sophia and she shouldn’t have to deal with any of this shit. My past and my anger control our relationship. I can’t answer her question. I just don’t know.

“I’m going to call someone tomorrow. A psychologist, like we discussed. But I need to go by myself for a while, if that’s okay with you. You know there’re things I don’t want you to hear and I need you to respect that,” I whisper.

I follow her feet with my eyes as they move from the window to the sofa. She sits next to me and gives me a sincere embrace that I know I don’t deserve.

“You’re strong, Cove. Just making the decision to go proves it, and I’m proud of you,” she says into my ear.

My hand touches her waist and she feels the wooden splints. She stares at them, wide-eyed and confused as to what happened.

“You know how dangerous David is,” I say in response. “You should’ve at least warned me that he was around. Why do you think Haverty’s been with us, even when we’re not at the Scarlett?”

“Oh shit,” she continues examining the amateur splints. “David did this?” she whispers. “Where did you run into him? Was he here?”

“No, it doesn’t matter.”

“It does matter. Was he here? At our place?”