The flames reflect off Lir’s eyes, lighting up the golden ring around his pupils so it almost drowns out the bright green around it. He was impressed that I actually caught anything with my ‘primitive hunting techniques’ as he called my snares. When I pulled out a lighter for the fire he half gasped. He must have expected me to rub sticks together or something. I rolled my eyes. Cleaning the rabbit, something I’ve done since I was eight, made him go pale and look away. He’s not looking away now though. His stomach’s growling nearly as loud as mine as he watches the meat crisp.

The silence between us tonight is different, somehow softer. We’re both dirty and tired, but I’m clearly in better shape than Lir. His injuries from the soldiers remain. Though it’s not swollen shut, his left eye is shadowed in bruises. His lip is split and there’s still blood on the side of his face from his beating. At least his knife wound hasn’t reopened. My stitches have held it well, but the edges of the wound that I can see are red around the black thread.

I need to find us somewhere to get cleaned up tomorrow. Water alone might not hold off infection, but it couldn’t hurt to clean his wounds and bandage his arm with something other than the dirty piece of fabric he has wrapped around it.

So many things could go wrong out here. What would I do if he got sick? Does his body even work like mine? So far his injuries haven’t healed at super speed or done anything else out of the ordinary, but would I even know if something were wrong? More importantly, would Lir tell me if something were really wrong?

Too many questions. Too many worries. I run a hand down my face and my stomach speaks up again, a loud noise in the quiet night. There’s an answering noise across the fire and I grin. He’s hungry and he’s been eating and drinking, so he can’t be too bad off. Lir looks up and smiles at me, one side of his mouth turning up and a sparkle in his eye. My original assessment of him really is spot on. He’s beautiful.

During the day he looked at home in the woods, the green in his features blending with the forest. Now, the firelight brings out the gold and, even dirty and exhausted, he shines. Too caught up in everything else, I hadn’t noticed it last night. He has an inner light that is nowhere near human and I think it should bother me or maybe scare me, this otherworldly illumination. But all I want to do is move to him and bask in it. I’m drawn to him in a way I don’t understand. That’s what frightens me.

And now I’m staring. The eyebrow goes up and heat floods into my face. I busy my mind and my hands with pulling the rabbit away from the fire. I divide the meat and pass a little more than half to Lir without meeting his eyes.

It’s hot, really too hot to eat yet, but my stomach doesn’t care. The grease burns my fingers as I shovel the meat into my mouth. It’s gone much too soon and I’m not even close to full. Even with the mishap in the market, I should have found a way to bring more food. We’re going to have to live off the land when the food in the pack runs out and we won’t be in the forest forever. I didn’t really think about how long this trek would take, how much physical exertion would eat into our supplies, hell, I didn’t even really think about exactly how much two people would need to eat. Just another example of my poor planning.

I’m going to end up getting both of us killed. All three of us really if I’m not in time to rescue Jace from who knows what. My eyes sting and my stomach rumbles, quieter now but still audible.

“Here, Jax.” Lir leans across the fire with some rabbit in his hand. “I’m full.” He’s lying. I know he is, but I take the food anyway.

“Thanks,” I mumble.

Still short of sated, I wipe my greasy fingers on my jeans and pull out my sleeping bag. I spread it next to the fire and snuggle down into it. Fall weather would choose to finally arrive when I’m stuck out in the woods. Everything seems to be working against me, even the temperature.

The rustle of leaves to my right signals Lir settling into his sleeping bag. His breathing evens out quickly. Looks like another night of easy sleep for him while I’m left lying here staring up at the stars, the scenarios of all the things I should have done differently playing on repeat in my mind.

The bright twinkling lights look so close, but they’re really millions of miles away from me. Jace feels just as far away as those stars. Only the second night since it happened that Jace isn’t here to hold my hand while I fall asleep to chase the nightmares away and I’m already losing it. The burn in my eyes overflows into tears that trickle silently over my cheeks and down to the ground.

“Would it help if I told you I was scared too?” Lir’s voice is soft, just barely carrying over the fire to my ears. Not asleep then.

I don’t answer. I can’t, not without giving in to the tears, without admitting how weak I am. If he had any idea how broken I am… he has followed the Bridgelake nutcase into the woods, trusted her to know what to do. I’d be scared if I were him too.

There’s a puff of air across my face when Lir’s sleeping bag flops down next to me. What is he doing?

“Is this acceptable? Me over here instead of over there?”

I just nod, still not trusting my voice.

He settles down to the ground beside me. There’s still a few feet between us, enough for me to be comfortable but not so much that I want to scoot closer. “It will all work out,” Lir whispers before making himself comfortable and falling asleep. For real this time. I checked before closing my own eyes and counting my breaths to help me drift off.

Without Jace, the nightmares come back again. Hot breath. Long red hair twisted around a fist. The knife. The blood. The images retreat though, rather than lasting all night long, and are replaced with new ones. Firelight. A long red braid trailing down my back. My smile. My laugh. A feeling of amusement at my narrowed eyes and my hands on my hips.

TEN

I crack one eye open. It’s not quite dawn, but it isn’t far off. The dreams weren’t so bad last night and I actually feel rested, something I normally can only achieve with Jace’s presence to ground me. It isn’t until I go to sit up that I realize Lir’s fingers are wrapped around mine. Did I reach out for him in my nightmares or was he trying to comfort me?

Yanking my hand away is what I should do, but the press of his palm against mine is too tempting. The touch of another’s hand, such a simple thing, anchors me and helps to clear my head. Sure, people other than Jace have touched me in the past year, but they stick to my arms or shoulders and I have to brace myself in case I start to lose it. It’s that way even with Flint, who’s like a second brother to me, though he’s the only person besides my actual brother who I will voluntarily touch. Until now that is. Just lying here and being able to revel in the feeling of someone holding my hand without reminding myself to breathe or listening to my pulse thunder in my ears… I can almost feel normal and whole.

With that thought, I finally snatch my hand away. Lir’s hold tightens briefly as my fingers leave his, but he doesn’t wake. His touch is a luxury I could get used to much too easily and it’s bad enough that I need Jace to get a good night’s rest. I can’t afford to become dependent on someone else, especially someone I’ll never see again once this mission is over and someone who already has some sort of unexplainable draw for me.

I don’t get up though. Instead, I roll onto my side and run my eyes over his face. He looks so peaceful that I just lie there and trace his features with my gaze. The bruise around his eye is already fading to yellow and I know enough to realize that means the E’rikon must heal faster than we do. At this rate he’ll be back to normal in only another day or two. I guess I don’t have to worry about his arm as much as I thought I did. It’ll heal up just like the rest of him.