“Looks good, Joe,” Elise said, shaking her pixie hair. “You’ve healed surprisingly well.”

“I always was a high achiever,” I quipped. She laughed. She seemed nice enough, and I thought maybe I should give her a chance.

Rash sniggered near the cave opening. “Yeah, a high-achieving asshole.”

I ignored him because I was in a better mood today. I stood up and rotated my torso, stretching.

“What’s his problem?” Elise asked, narrowing her eyes in his direction.

I lied. “He’s not a morning person.”

Rash snorted and spat on the ground by his feet.

Gus gathered the group in the entrance and said, “We need to vote on Elise’s suggestion. Who is in favor of detonating the bomb first, then playing the video near the outer wall of the compound?”

Almost every hand shot up except Gus’s. He shook his head. “I think it’s unwise but majority rules.”

Matt and a Spider would head down to Radiata soon. It would be a slow, steep descent over loose gravel. They donned grey camouflage over their jackets.

I stood and tugged the grey plastic over Matt’s pack to cover it properly. “Be careful,” I said, not that it meant anything really. Everything we did was pretty far onto the opposite side of careful.

They left us mid-morning. We packed our gear, ready to run if we needed, and waited in the cave entrance for the explosion.

I couldn’t see them, which was a good sign. The clouds were forming a gang over Radiata and the mountain. It had started to rain icy sleet that forced you to be alert.

After a lunch of more straggly birds Gus caught, we all went to our respective corners. I slammed a few things into a pack. I wanted to find a good spot to watch the show where I could be alone.

“I’m just heading up behind the cave, Gus.” I waved as I stepped out of the entrance. Gus acknowledged me with a nod and a spit on the ground as he picked a feather from between his teeth. I laughed inside—that would have made Rosa giggle.

Desh’s head poked up. “You want company?”

I smiled at him. “No thanks.” The anger was easing now. I could see him for the friend and father he was. None of this was his fault. But I needed to be alone with her.

I stepped out, and the cold hit me with a blast. It felt good on my sore, itchy chest. Behind the cave were the remnants of a large landslide. Giant boulders leaned against each other, wedged in and hopefully stable. I pushed on them. Solid. So I started climbing.

My muscles were remembering what they were for. They flexed and burned as I heaved myself up, as I skidded on the loose stones and caught myself.

What are you doing now? Are you thinking of me?

I pulled myself to the crest of a large boulder that was split in half with one part lower than the other, making a perfect seat. The rain had eased but the clouds hung around, which was perfect. It would make her image clearer.

I sat back with my knees up and rested my arms across, hanging my head between my legs. I listened to my breathing. Fog poured from my mouth and joined the air.

Somewhere, Orry was probably being laid down to sleep. He would fight it. Like his mother. I reassured myself Alexei would be watchful over both the boys. Pietre and Careen would be doing their best. But it should have been us, Rosa and me.

I sighed and my back fell deeper against the rock. I wanted to blame her for our distance, but we made the decision together this time.

The sun was sinking below the level of the mountain now. Sunset lit up the clouds in a brilliant, bursting way. Violent strokes of red slashed through the purples, like internal bleeding under a bruise.

The sun fell and the lights flickered on.

I searched for movement, but I could see none. My eyes squinted and strained, staring at the side of the concrete wall. Smooth, dull, and perfectly curved.

A puff of dust pushed out from the wall like a hard cough. A few moments later, a small, popping sound followed.

Then sirens wailed thinly as if mildly displeased. The only indication of how serious the situation was seemed to be the way all the lights swung around to focus on the explosion site.

The screen opened in the sky minutes later like daylight had cut through the night accidentally. The clouds were the perfect backdrop for the show. I waited, barely breathing, as the video began.

I didn’t notice Elise until she sat down with a thump next to me. “Great view,” she said breathlessly, pulling her sleeves over her hands.

I wondered why she’d followed me up here, but I tried to hide my annoyance.

“Yes, it is,” I replied absently. We were silent as the video played through.

She started talking just as Rosa appeared in the lines of pregnant girls. “How are you feeling? Should I check…?”

“Sh…” I said, putting my hand up to her face.

She crossed her arms over her chest and pouted like a child. “That was really rude,” she muttered.

I groaned, pulling my hair back with my hands and froze, my hands fixed over my head. There she was. I stared into the clouds, trying to will them closer.

“Rosa,” I whispered before I could stop myself. She blinked back at me, sad, disappointed. How could you leave me? she seemed to say.

“I’m sorry,” I told the clouds and the image of her from two years ago. That Rosa loved a different Joseph. I tried not to think about the Rosa of now and what was happening to her at this exact moment, because my mind conjured horrible things.

Elise played with her fingers. “It’s ok… you’re obviously stressed about something.”

“What? No.” I wasn’t talking to her.

God, she sounded like a doctor when she talked.

“Wow, look at that girl with heterochromia. Amazing eyes. She’s beautiful.” Elise said, pointing in the sky.

You don’t even know.

I should have told her, that’s Rosa, but I didn’t. I was hoarding her memory. I didn’t want to share it with anyone.

The image faded.

She was gone.

This was torture.

ROSA

Dry, crinkly hands like jerky. They were so much stronger than I would have thought. So much stronger than me.

A tub of water full of floating ice cubes shone in the bluish light. Blue like a gas flame but cold and harsh. The ice cubes rattled when a guard stood too close and nudged the tub with his leg. Tiny cute clinks, like glasses punched together in celebration. I’m trying so hard to remember a good time, a better place than this. The guard looked uncomfortable, scratching his stubble anxiously, which made me seriously afraid.

“Tell me about Joseph Sulle,” Mr. Hun asked, his face close to mine, his breath smelling of rotten vegetables.

“No.” He was light, he was hope, and he was waiting for me. Some things I had to keep for myself.

My hands were wrenched behind my back and tied at the wrists. I fought it, thrashing my head around until I could no longer see anything but my hideous hair slapping back and forth in front of my eyes. I breathed in. Panic stabbed me, in, out, in, out. My eyes went to the tub, just a plain plastic tub balancing on one, two, three bricks under each end. It was leaking, cold water seeping into the clay bricks. They were crying, or bleeding, weeping for me.

“Where is he?” A voice that warm shouldn’t belong to someone who was so cold, flat, and without a soul.

“No.” My teeth chattered and then clamped down. I wouldn’t answer any questions today.

The two guards on either side of me tried to push me to my knees. I resisted. One of them stamped into the back of my legs and I collapsed forward, my hair dipping into the water.