It was damaging me, rummaging through my brain like a vandal, picking out the good memories, scrunching them into a ball and tossing them away.

When the guards and Mr. Hun finally re-entered the room, they could ask no questions. I was a useless heap. Sapped of anything. My mouth could form no words.

They untied my hands, and they fell limply in my lap. My eyes stung, my mouth dry, my arms and legs pieces of wood tied loosely together in a messy clatter.

Harry carried me back to my room. I clung to him. Pressed my cheek to his chest and refused to look up. He opened the door with his foot and knelt down, rolling me out of his arms and onto the carpet as if he were dumping an armful of firewood.

When the door wouldn’t shut, he whispered, “I’m so sorry, Miss,” as he pushed my body forward with his foot until it was out of the way so it would close.

JOSEPH

Maybe burying is the answer. Maybe if I pile enough earth, blood, and experience on top of them, I won’t be able to hear them screaming or hear the ‘ha’ that forms around her last breath.

A weak ping rang out far below. Elise grabbed my arm and squeezed. “What was that, was it a…?”

“Gunshot,” I replied, straightening and leaning forward.

Several shots fired close together. We couldn’t see much from here, just a cluster of black, bobbing heads atop the wall, crossing under the spotlights. The lights moved frantically over the grey ground around the base of the walls. I caught what I thought were two people, running away. But I couldn’t be sure, the light moved over them so quickly.

Another shot.

I strained to see, both of us leaning dangerously close to the edge.

“Do you think they’re…?” She sounded alarmed, the pitch of her voice creeping up higher and higher.

“No,” I grunted, “but let’s go back to the others. They might need our help.” I held out my hand, which she gripped tightly, and helped her climb back down to the cave. We slid down the rocks, tripping over each other as we went. I kept my eye to Radiata. The lights danced across the dirt. Then very suddenly, they turned inwards. I tightened my fist and pumped it once. They did it. Something was causing a disturbance inside the walls.

We swung into the cave, and everyone was getting ready to go.

“Did you hear the shots?” I said, out of breath.

Gus nodded, his voice as calm and blunt as ever. “We did. That’s why we’re leaving.”

Desh’s arms went slack by his sides, his face tangled in confusion. “What about Matt and Ermil?”

Gus shook his head. He did, for once, look truly sorry. “We can’t risk it.”

I moved right up to where Gus was standing, looming over him. “The lights turned inwards. I think the video is working. They might not have anyone following them.” Gus looked up at me in annoyance, and I took a step back. Then he dropped his head and swore.

“You go then,” he ordered, flinging his arm out towards Radiata. He picked up a backpack full of medical supplies and shoved it at my chest, avoiding my eyes.

“Take this, you’ll need it. We’ll wait for you five miles south of here.”

I held the pack against my pounding heart with shaking hands. “Thank you,” I whispered.

“We can’t wait for very long, Joseph,” Gus said, his voice full of regret.

I could feel Desh’s eyes burning into my back. “I’m not coming with you, am I?” he said to the back of my head.

I shook my head. I wanted him to come but it would just be risking his life so I didn’t have to be alone.

His hand clapped my shoulder. “Be careful.”

Rash brushed past and stopped suddenly, turning to glance up at me. His eyebrows drew down, his anger hiding for the moment. “Yeah man, be careful.” He then threw over his shoulder, “If you die, we’ve lost our punchline.”

Gus grumbled and searched the back of the cave, singling one person out.

“Elise, you’ll go with Joseph,” Gus ordered.

“What? No!” I protested

“She goes or you don’t go at all,” he growled.

She grabbed her own pack and strode out of the entrance to the cave.

“Don’t slow me down,” she snapped as she quickly descended, her white blonde hair glowing as she skidded down the mountainside towards Radiata.

I jumped over several packs and followed her. “I’ll see you soon, Desh. Don’t worry, ok?” I pleaded.

Elise was quick on her feet, moving from stone to stone, avoiding the slippery parts that were mostly gravel and watery mud. I struggled to keep up, but I wasn’t going to ask her to slow down.

“If they’re injured, it’s probably gunshot wounds. Have you ever treated a gunshot before, Joseph?” She clasped a small tree trunk and paused, turning towards me.

“No. But I’ve studied them,” I replied between breaths.

She snorted. “Not the same thing, honey,” she puffed as she started running again.

I couldn’t even be offended by her patronizing comments because she was probably right. Setting my lips together, I chose silence for the rest of the way down, running over procedures in my head and praying Matt was all right.

The sirens grew in volume and frequency as we descended.

The steep hill flattened suddenly, and we slowed our pace. Charred trees poked out of the ground with tiny, struggling branches pushing their way through the ruined bark. Life always finds a way, she would say. I ran my hand over one of the delicate new branches, feeling it bend between my fingers.

I heard a groan. In the half-light, trees looked like men stuck in the ground. Elise paused and we searched for movement, trying to pinpoint the source of the noise.

An arm moved.

“Hold on, Erm, just hold on,” a voice whispered.

We ran towards the sound, our feet squelching in the puddles as we approached. I grabbed a flashlight from my pack and flicked it on. It swished over an agonized face, eyes tightened against pain.

Matt sighed in relief. “Joe, thank God it’s you.”

I kneeled down and swept the torch over where the two men were sitting. Ermil lay flat on his back. Matt had wrapped his shirt around a wound in Ermil’s calf and was shivering uncontrollably in the cold while trying to apply pressure.

Matt’s other hand was clenched in a fist. This hand had blood seeping out from between the fingers like he was squeezing a sponge.

“Oh Jesus, Matt, what happened?” I took off my jacket and placed it over Matt’s shaking shoulders. He opened his hand; it was a mess off torn skin and blood.

“F-flesh wound,” he stuttered, “s-superficial. They were following us but then got called back. R-riots.”

Elise stood over me with her hands on her hips, triaging. “Right. Wrap a bandage around Matthew’s hand to stop the bleeding. We need to look at this guy’s leg,” she stated matter-of-factly.

I carefully wrapped Matt’s hand, pulling it tight.

“My fingertips are numb, Joe,” he said in a broken voice.

I knew he was thinking nerve damage. I knew he was thinking he may not be able to operate again, but I just placed his bandaged hand in his lap and said, “You’re just cold, that’s all.”

He nodded in thanks. There was no point in worrying about it now.

Matt held the torch while we laid out our instruments and moved Ermil’s leg over a sterile sheet of plastic.

We cut his pant leg off until the wound was exposed. Ermil was lucky; the bullet had gone straight through the fleshy part of his calf. It hadn’t hit the bone, which meant he would heal better. The problem was that it had left a giant hole that was pouring blood, making it very hard to see what was going on.

“Lift his leg above his heart level,” Matt instructed. We rolled the backpack under the plastic and then under Ermil’s leg.