“I hope you’re okay,” I said, the same words I said every day to her. “I’m sorry, Liz.”

And then the memories swarmed me, like always, moths to an inextinguishable flame.

Making the wrong decision, worrying about my mother when I should’ve been worried about Liz. Rushing to her house, knowing what I was going to encounter. Finding her body, motionless, lifeless. Holding her, begging for her to come back. Knowing it was my father who had set it all in motion.

Tears stung my eyes, blurred my vision, but they couldn’t wash the memories away. Time didn’t heal wounds, I’d discovered. Because the ache and pain I felt gnawed at me, grew bigger every day.

“I love you,” I said, my voice a ragged whisper.

I sat there for awhile longer, thinking about her, missing her.

Like every other day.

SIX

The car idling in front of the house froze me.

I hated living with paranoia, but it was my own doing. Everywhere I looked, everywhere I went, it felt like someone was looking at me. Like they knew me. Like they knew what I’d done.

Like they were about to make a phone call.

It was paralyzing at times. But I couldn’t make it go away.

So the car stopped me in my tracks and every single worst-case scenario ran through my head in a matter of seconds.

The woman from the beach leaned across the passenger seat of an almost-ancient Honda Accord and smiled at me. “Noah, is it?”

Goosebumps formed on my arms. I tried to never use my name and anytime I heard it out loud, I thought I’d made a mistake.

“Jackson told me,” she said. “He said that was your name.”

I saw movement in the tinted window at the back of the car and I could make out a small hand waving at me.

“Yeah,” I said. “It’s Noah.”

She cut the engine and got out of the car.

“Did Ike tell you where I lived?” I said, already mentally packing my things. I was irritated. He knew I didn’t want people to know where I was, no matter what.

The woman looked puzzled. “Who’s Ike?”  She shook her head. “No. We saw you leaving the parking lot, crossing the highway. I couldn’t catch you.”  She paused. “Then I saw you walk out to the water. I didn’t wanna bother you.”

I wondered if she’d gotten out of her car and heard me talking to Liz.

“Oh,” I said.

She pushed the brown wisps of hair off her forehead. “I just wanted to say thank you. Again. For bringing Jackson to me.”

I nodded.

“I’ve never left him,” she said. “I don’t want you thinking I’m a bad mom–”

I cut her off. “I don’t.”

“It’s just…” She bit her lip as she thought about what to say. “I had some stuff to take care of. Stuff he didn’t need to see. And he was playing. I didn’t think I’d be gone more than a minute or two.”

“It’s fine,” I told her. “You don’t have to explain. He was fine. No harm done.”

She nodded. “Anyway, I wanted to buy you dinner or something. As a real way to say thanks. And to apologize for having to deal with Colin.”

“No need,” I said. “Really.”

She glanced back at the car, then back at me. “I know he’s an asshole,” she said in a low voice. “I’m sorry for the hassle.”

“It’s okay.”

“He was still lying in the parking lot when we saw you crossing the highway,” she said, tilting her head to the side.

I didn’t say anything.

“Whatever he did, I’m sure he deserved it,” she said.

I shrugged.

She held out her hand. “I’m Bella, by the way.”

I shook her hand. “Noah.”

She smiled. “Jackson said you had an ark.”

“I don’t,” I said. “I wouldn’t know how to build one.”

She nodded and looked past me. “You live here?”

I hesitated. “Yeah.”

We stood there quietly for a few moments. I’d never been uncomfortable around people. But that was before. Bella was nice, but it didn’t change the fact that I was hiding.

“So,” she finally said. “Could I please buy you dinner?”

“You really don’t have to.”

She blinked. “Jackson would really like it. He said you were nice to him.”

On cue, the back window rolled down and he poked his head out.

“Do you like hamburgers?” he asked.

I nodded.

“Me too,” he said, grinning. “But not the ones with tomatoes on them. Those are bad.”

“I’m with you,” I said, unable to ignore his smile. “Those are bad.”

“Come eat with us,” he said, his hands grasping the door. “Please?”

My stomach bounced. I didn’t like being out in public and I really wasn’t crazy about the idea of talking to strangers. But they weren’t strangers anymore. They had names…and they knew mine.

I glanced back at the house and my space in the garage. I could say no and slip back inside. But I knew what would be waiting for me there. Suffocating air and memories of Liz.

I looked at Bella. “Let me go grab a shirt.”

SEVEN

The hamburger place was attached to a carwash.

Bella drove east down the highway and into the larger tourist area of Destin. Where Fort Walton was quieter, a bit more local, Destin seemed as if it had been created specifically for people to visit. Massive, high-rise condominium complexes lined the Gulf Shore, with scores of chain restaurants and shops sandwiched in between.

Jackson kept up the chatter the entire drive, calling out the names of the hotels and condos as we passed each one. I cracked the window and leaned toward the door, letting the warm air hit me in the face as we drove. Bella didn’t complain.

When she turned into the parking lot, I was confused.

“This is a restaurant?” I asked.

She pointed at the bright red sign. “Tops. It’s just a drive-up place. I know. It’s goofy. Attached to the self-serve carwash. But it’s good. Trust me.”

“Yeah!” Jackson said. “It’s awesome!”

He was already out of his seatbelt and opening the door as Bella pulled into a parking slot. He bolted from the car and attached himself to one of the small tables outside the car wash.

She smiled at him as she pulled out the key. “Can you tell he likes it? Unless we eat at my work, this is the only place we go.”

I nodded and got out.

“Come sit with me!” Jackson yelled.

“Go ahead,” Bella said. “I’ll order. Burger, fries and a drink is good?  And no tomatoes, right?”

I smiled. “Yeah. Thanks.”

She walked over to the small window to order and I sat down on the metal chair across from Jackson.

“Have you eaten here before?” he asked, getting up on his knees and setting his hands on the table.

“Nope. But I guess you have.”

He nodded. “Yeah. It’s better than McDonald’s.”

“Better than your mom’s restaurant?”

“Well, it’s free at work, so it’s kinda different,” he said, tracing his finger aimlessly on the table top.

He was savvy for such a young kid.

I liked him.

The heavy traffic buzzed by on the highway, pushing waves of thick, humid air in our direction. The condos on the other side blocked my view of the Gulf.

“Do you have any kids?” he asked.

“Nope.”

“How come?”

I shifted in the chair. “Well, I’m not married.”

He squinted at me. “My mom’s not married.”

Again. Savvy.

“I guess I just haven’t met someone I wanna have kids with.”  I swallowed against the lump that suddenly formed in my throat.

He nodded like that made sense. “Do you like Spongebob?”

I couldn’t help but smile at his pin-balling between subjects. “I do like Spongebob.”

“Maybe you could watch with me sometime?”

“Sure.”

Bella returned to the table with a red plastic tray overflowing with food. Jackson bounced with excitement as she pulled his burger and fries from the bag. He unwrapped the burger and took as big of a bite as his tiny mouth would allow.

She laughed. “He’s not one for waiting.”