“Yes.” I stood up and took her by the hand. We went back to the house and lay down in the life raft, and afterward she told me I was so much better than baby oil and her hand.

Chapter 29 – Anna

I sat near the shore painting my toenails pink. It was silly, considering our circumstances, but I had the polish in my suitcase, and I definitely had the time, so I painted them anyway.

T.J. walked up. “Nice toes.”

“Thanks,” I said, starting another coat. “Did I ever tell you about Lucy, my manicurist?”

He laughed. “I don’t even know what that is.”

“The girl who does my nails.”

“Oh. No, you never told me about her.”

“I used to go to Lucy every other Saturday.”

T.J. raised an eyebrow.

“Yes, I might have been slightly more high maintenance in Chicago than I am here. Anyway, English wasn’t Lucy’s first language, and I never knew what was, only that I couldn’t speak it. But that didn’t stop us from having these long conversations, even though neither of us understood all of what the other said.”

“What did you talk about?”

“I don’t know, just stuff. She knew I taught school and that I had a boyfriend named John. I learned she had a thirteen-year-old daughter and loved reality TV. She was so nice. She called me honey and always hugged me hello and goodbye. Every single visit, she asked me when John and I were getting married. One time we had a huge communication breakdown and, apparently, I promised her she could do my bridesmaid’s manicures for the wedding.”

I screwed the cap back on the nail polish and checked out my toes. I hadn’t done the greatest job. “Lucy would shit if she saw my feet right now.” I looked up at T.J. He had a strange expression on his face, one I couldn’t read. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah. I’m gonna go fishing. You better let those toes dry.”

“Okay.”

He seemed back to normal by the time he returned with the fish, so whatever had bothered him, he got over it fast.

***

“Why aren’t you naked all the time?” T.J. asked. “Why even get dressed?”

“I’m naked right now.”

“I know. That’s what made me think of it.”

T.J. and I stood near the shore attempting to wash our dirty clothes, including the ones we’d been wearing.

“Does this still smell?” T.J. asked, holding out a T-shirt for me to sniff.

“Eh, maybe a little.” It was hard to get anything clean, considering we ran out of Woolite over a year ago. Now we swished everything back and forth in the water and called it good.

“If we were naked all the time we wouldn’t have to do any laundry, Anna,” he said with a big smile on his face. We walked out of the water, throwing the clothes over the rope we’d strung between two trees.

“If I was naked all the time you wouldn’t even notice after a while.”

He snorted. “Oh, I’d notice.”

“You think that now, but in time, you might not.”

He looked at me like I was crazy. When we got back to the house, he stretched out on the blanket.

I didn’t get dressed either because everything we owned was wet. I lay on my side facing him, propped up on my elbow.

“Oh, now that’s a nice pose,” he said. “I like that.”

“It would be like eating your favorite food all the time,” I said. At first, it would be great but after a while, you wouldn’t want it anymore. It wouldn’t taste as good.”

“Anna. You will always taste good.” He leaned over and kissed my neck.

“But eventually you’d get tired of it,” I insisted.

“Never.” By then he had moved a little lower with his kisses.

“It could happen,” I said, but by then even I didn’t believe it.

“Nope,” he said, moving lower still until finally he stopped answering me because it was almost impossible to talk when you were doing what he was doing.

***

Chicken walked over and plopped down in my lap.

T.J. laughed, reached over, and ruffled her feathers. “It cracks me up when she does that,” he said.

We didn’t have to keep Chicken penned up anymore. I let her out once and forgot to put her back in, and she wandered around but didn’t try to leave.

“I know, it’s so weird. She really likes me for some reason.” I gave Chicken a gentle pet on the head.

“It’s because you take care of her.”

“I love animals. I always wanted a dog, but John was allergic.”

“Maybe you can get one when we get home,” T.J. said.

“A golden retriever.”

“That’s the kind of dog you want?”

“Yes. One that’s full-grown, that nobody wants. From a shelter. I’m going to get my own apartment, and I’ll adopt it and bring it home.”

“You’ve thought about this.”

“I’ve had time to think about a lot of things, T.J.”

A few nights later when we were in bed, T.J. groaned and collapsed on top of me, breathing hard.

“Wow,” I said, feeling his body relax.

He kissed my neck and whispered, “Did that feel good?”

“Yes. Where did you learn that?”

T.J. laughed, still trying to catch his breath. “I have an excellent teacher. She lets me practice all the time until I get it just right.”

He rolled off me, pulling me toward him so I could lay my head on his chest. I snuggled closer, content and drowsy. He rubbed my back.

It wasn’t until I was twenty-six or twenty-seven that I even figured out what I wanted in bed. When I tried to tell John, he didn’t seem all that thrilled about taking direction. T.J. hadn’t been shy about asking what I liked, though, so I decided not to be shy about telling him, which was working out spectacularly.

I sighed. “You’ll make a woman very happy someday, T.J.”

His body tensed and he stopped rubbing my back. “I only want to make you happy, Anna.” The way he said it, and the rejection I heard in his voice made me wish I could take it back.

“Oh you do, T.J.” I said, quickly. “You do.”

He didn’t talk much the next day. I waded into the water while he fished and stood next to him. “I’m sorry. I hurt your feelings and that’s the last thing I wanted to do.”

He kept his eyes on the fishing line. “I know this never would have happened between us in Chicago, but please don’t talk about saying goodbye to me while we’re still here.”

I put my hand on his arm. “When I said that, about you making another woman happy, it wasn’t because I was the one who said goodbye, T.J. You were.”

He turned to me, confused. “Why would I say goodbye?”

“Because I’m thirteen years older than you are. This might be our world, but it isn’t the real world. You still have a lot of things you haven’t experienced. You won’t want to be tied down to anyone.”

“You don’t know what I want, Anna. Besides, I don’t think about the future anymore, and I haven’t since that plane didn’t come back. All I know is that you make me happy, and I want to be with you. Can’t you just be with me, too?

“Yes,” I whispered. “I can do that.”

I wanted to tell him I’d never do anything to hurt him again. But I was afraid it was a promise I might not be able to keep.

***

T.J. turned nineteen in September. “Happy birthday,” I said. “I made you mashed breadfruit.” I handed him the bowl and leaned in to give him a kiss. He pulled me onto his lap and insisted on sharing.

“Why don’t we ever celebrate your birthday?” He gave me a sheepish look and said, “And when is it, again?”

“It’s May twenty-second. I’m just not into birthdays, I guess.”

I used to love celebrating my birthday until John ruined it for me. When I turned twenty-seven I was convinced he was going to propose because he’d made reservations, told me to dress up, and invited our friends to join us for drinks before dinner. I pictured him down on one knee holding a ring, and I could hardly contain my excitement when the cab dropped us off in front of the restaurant. We went inside and everyone was already there, almost like a surprise party. When the champagne came, John pulled the Tiffany box out of his jacket and presented me with a pair of diamond stud earrings. I kept a smile on my face for the rest of the night, but Stefani pulled me into the bathroom later and hugged me. I set my expectations as low as possible after that which turned out to be a smart move because for the next three birthdays he didn’t even buy me jewelry.