“Fine. About what?”

“I think you’ll be able to guess.”

“Aww. Sorry, Mills, I already got a date for Halloween.”

“Oh, shut up. I’d like to talk to you about James.”

And here he does something I did not expect, because he hops up beside me after all. The window

glass is cool against my back, and I look at Mills with interest. He does have some backbone, even if it

only shows every couple of light-years.

“Let’s hear it then.”

His gaze quickly drops to the tips of his shoes, then his eyes focus on the opposite wall. He’s got a

determined expression on his face. “I want you to back off.”

I almost laugh out loud, but bite my tongue. I’m having such a deja-vu. “Back off yourself”, I

suggest with a grin.

I earn a dark glance. “Why should I? He’s in love with me.”

“Has he ever actually told you that he is?”

His eyes narrow at my comment, and I know I hit the mark. “So what? Has he told you? What makes

you think you got a right to try and come between us?”

I smile. “I wouldn’t be able to, if things were so perfect, would I?”

Casey takes a deep breath and sighs. It irritates me, getting all kinds of weird, contrary signals from

him. Does he want to kick my ass, or sob in my lap? We sit in silence for a moment. When he speaks

again, he sounds gloomy.

“Why does everything have to be so complicated? I hate this entire situation.”

“I’m not loving it either,” I admit, and that seems to surprise him.

He looks at me, then he reaches over and simply takes the cigarette from my hand to take a drag. I

watch as the smoke curls in front of his mouth and vanishes in the air. He hands the butt back to me, and

now it’s him who’s watching as I exhale. I stare into his eyes, and unconsciously he licks his lips. Pretty.

“It was a mistake, that night, wasn’t it?” he asks quietly.

“Which one? The night we made out, or the night on the beach?”

“Both.”

I tilt my head a little, amused. “You don’t regret it, Mills. Cut the shit.”

“I don’t. That’s why it was a mistake.”

I knew it. So. Not. Over. Me. A content grin steals onto my face. How brilliant is that? And how

useful? I realize that this just might be it. The opportunity I’ve been waiting for for months.

He clears his throat, then he jumps down from the window sill. “I gotta go. It’s no use trying to talk

to you anyway.”

I follow quickly, and corner him, moving in close. I’m taller than him, which always works to my

advantage. He looks up at me, and the anger is all too obvious now. Anger and confusion. He never

knew what he wanted, that’s his problem.

“What? Why can’t you just leave us alone, Rizzo?”

“It’s you who came to me. So what do you really want, Mills?”

He pulls himself up to his full height and manages to hold my eyes, something tortured and hurt

flickering in them. “Who’d want to be with you, when you’re such a player?”

Ouch. Now that’s fifty points to Hufflepuff. Great. I realize that it’s not about sex with him at all.

He’s not like that. And I’ve always been crap at handling these things. Everyone knows what they’re

getting into with me. I don’t make false promises. Even Keller, who’d get addicted to chewing gum if it

paid any attention to him, knows the deal, and doesn’t expect me to get all warm and mushy with him.

Don’t mess with me if you can’t take the heat. And you can’t take it, Mills, you know you can’t.

I step back to let him go, but he stays where he is, and as he looks at me, his expression softens.

“Why do you have to be like this, Danny?”

I smile vaguely. “It’s gotta be the genes.”

When he moves forward, I’m relieved that he wants to leave, but to my complete surprise, he doesn’t

step past me, but closer to me. And before I have time to react, he softly presses his lips against mine.

Shit.

He pulls me towards him with gentle hands, and I’m really not sure why I let him. Something about

his tenderness seems to render me unable to push him back, even though it’s what I want to do. What

the hell?

And then there’s something in his kiss that makes me realize for the first time what James sees in the

boy. Because I suddenly get that Casey’s on a mission to save my soul. Does he believe that he can

make me a better person? That’s just so wrong, and sweet, and completely like him that I can’t help

feeling some sympathy.

I don’t actively return the kiss, but all the same my lips part slightly and I let it happen. I look at him,

with his eyes closed, so careful and emotional. I’d taint you, boy. I’d break you.

Casey steps back, and chews on his lower lip for a moment, a thousand questions in his eyes. You

know you’re at my mercy now, Mills. You knew before you kissed me.

I could turn on the spot to find James and tell him what you just did. This would also be a fitting

moment to let you know that I slept with your boyfriend during summer break.

But I don’t.

“I’m not sure why I did that,” Casey says quietly, more confused now than before.

I should use this to my advantage. He’s practically asking for it, right? This is the best shot I’ve had

so far at driving them apart for once and for all. He wouldn’t even try to deny it if I told James. J would

never forgive him. But there’s something in Casey’s eyes… it gets to me. And the thought of how much

hearing about this would hurt James doesn’t help either. Hell, not at all.

Goddamn. Here I am, making a decision that I know I’ll regret. It’s gonna hurt, Mills, but it’s for the

best. For all of us. I look at him, and take a drag on my smoke.

“I don’t give a shit about you, Mills. Never have, never will. You get that?”

He inhales sharply, staring at me. I don’t know what he expected me to say or do, but this was

definitely not it. He looks small, and lost, and so very wounded, and I almost can’t bear the sight of it.

For crying out loud, I hope those aren’t actual tears clouding his eyes. Come on.

“Yes”, he finally says quietly, beaten. “I get it.”

I don’t stay to watch the whole tragedy of his sad existence unfold, but turn around and leave him

standing there. No way I’m letting him know that he got through to me.

It’s got nothing to do with Mills. This is all about J. As I walk down the corridor towards the exit of

the building, I realize that I don’t want James to break up with Mills because of some shitty ass kiss. I

want him to break up with Mills because he wants to be with me. I don’t even do relationships. Period.

Or so I thought up until now. But none of that seems to matter anymore. I just want to let myself feel the

way I feel about him, no more holding back. I want to be with that strange, wonderful geek all the time,

and be confused, and amazed. I want to get the sweaty hands and the stupid racing heartbeat, and feel

like an idiot, but a happy idiot to be sure. I want to be with James. I have to be with James. Because I’m

crazy about him. Because I am in love.

I gotta find Keller. And this’d better be one hell of a fuck to get this shit out of my system and help

me think clearly again.

Chapter 8

Touched

NICK: I know I wasn’t imagining things - I saw him smile at me earlier when were walking out of

Jeff’s meeting. And that smile can only mean one thing. Which is why I’m sitting on the steps outside

the dorm, smoking a cigarette, studying my callback audition piece, and freezing because the steps are

concrete and it just stopped raining, so they’re damp and really cold. I don’t care if the air has warmed

up a little, the steps sure as hell haven’t.

But I’ve been sitting here for close to twenty minutes now, and no sign of Rizzo. Has he decided that