strange sparkle his eyes.

“You know you’ll be back for more. Next time you won’t get around it. I’m not the Salvation

Army.”

I chuckle softly. “Next time? And what do you dream of at night?”

“Things far beyond your imagination, Foley.”

I sit up, stretch, and swing my legs over the side of the bed. Rising slowly, I pull my trousers up. I

glance back at the bulge in his jeans, then at his face. “Have fun, you two.”

Rizzo just grins, knowingly. “You will be back. You know it.”

I resist the urge to look back at him as I walk to the door. I close it firmly behind me. Outside I sink

against the wall and exhale deeply. I knock my head softly against the cool stone, as if that could make

his words go away. Or the glorious image of him lying there on the bed, just dying to be touched by me.

Damn. Of course I’ll be back for more. And I hate myself for it already.

Chapter 8

Entrapment

CASEY: I guess I don’t really know what I want, only that I don’t want to wake up thirty years down

the line and be my dad. I mean, I love my dad. He’s the best. And it’s a kind of family tradition.

Grandpa was an English teacher, he is an English teacher, and he jokes that all men in our family are

fated to have that job. I’m not sure if I want to believe in fate. I was brought up to believe that dreams

are important. But if your dreams are too far out of reach, maybe there’s an alternative within your

grasp. And if there is, then you should go for that.

You would think that James, being the snarling cynic that he is, would completely agree. But he is

the only one who’s ever truly understood what my art means to me. How it owns my soul. How that is

me.

So when I was home this spring break, I nervously waited for the right moment for days. And then I

finally confessed to Mom that I wanted to illustrate children’s books rather than being a teacher. She

said: “That’s great, sweetie, but that’s not a job, that’s a hobby. You want a job that can provide for a

family, just keep that in mind.”

In that moment, I really wanted to be James and tell her to go to hell.

***

“You should come,” Danny says, and smiles at me. “You can bring Foley.”

It’s late afternoon on Tuesday and we’re sitting in the sun on the steps to his dorm. They’re still

warm, but the shadow of the building is growing longer at our backs. Friends of his are having a

barbecue on Thursday. I’ve seen them around, but haven’t met any of them. They’re all seniors.

“Sure, I’ll ask if he wants to come.”

I’m pretty sure the answer will include mentions of razorblades rather being swallowed, but I’ll try

anyway. The fact that James is a vegetarian doesn’t make him any more likely to attend. He has always

been wary of anything that Danny suggests, but now he seems determined to even avoid breathing the

same air. I don’t know what brought that about. I’ve tried to carefully find out, but he got that dark look

on his face, and changed the subject.

“I bet you twenty that he won’t.”

“You’ll win that bet, I fear.”

I’m intrigued by how warm Danny’s eyes can get when he smiles. It’s like the light is enamored with

him. I feel special when he looks at me. I find myself daydreaming about being closer. He is such a laidback

person, but his strong confidence is intimidating. I feel self-conscious around him, but I jump at

any chance to be with him. I want him to like me, and can never say if he does.

Back in high school I was completely in love with Amber. At least I thought I was. When we started

dating, I was happy as can be. She felt like home to me. But she never captivated me in such a way. I

feel bad about it, but it’s true. But look at me now. My hands are sweating and I never know where to

put them, where to look, what to do with myself. Everything’s intense. I feel alive.

Danny looks at me thoughtfully for such a long moment that I get embarrassed. I stare down at my

feet. One of my shoelaces is untied, and I’m glad for the chance to avoid his gaze. I bend down and tie

it.

“Shame. I guess then you’re not coming either.”

As I straighten, I notice a strange gleam in his eyes. “Why would you think that?”

“Forget it.”

“No, tell me.”

“Sure you wanna know?”

“Yeah,” I answer cautiously. “Should I brace myself?”

“I can hold your hand if you want,” he grins.

Oh dear. I would honestly love that, and in my mind I can see James wincing at the romantic fool

this probably makes me.

Danny tilts his head, looking at me intently. “They call you the Twins, did you know that? You’re

Twin and he’s Evil Twin.”

I’m baffled, and taken aback. But I try to laugh about it, and not let it show. I’ve never liked being

sensitive. It makes a lot of things pretty hard. “Who’s calling us that?”

“Oh, you know. People.”

I look away. I feel hurt, more on James’ behalf than on my own. I didn’t have the slightest clue

people were talking behind our backs. “You mean your friends do.”

He shrugs unconcernedly. “Hey, who cares? They’re jerks.”

“They’re your friends.”

He laughs and shakes his head. “They’re just people I hang out with, Casey.”

“Is that how you see them?” I’m kind of shocked. I’d never talk about my friends like that, even if

they were jerks. On second thought, if they were, I wouldn’t be friends with them to begin with. “Is that

how you see friendship?”

He smiles a little, but there is a fleeting sad, if not resigned look on his face. It is the first glimpse of

vulnerability I’ve seen in him, and I feel cruel for having said that. But at the same time I’m fascinated.

My heart is beating madly. Yes. This is the real you, Danny Rizzo. Right there. That is what I need to,

what I absolutely have to get a chance to paint. But it’s gone in a flash, and he’s teasing me again.

“I’m offended. Twin.”

“Shut up.”

I can’t help but laugh with him. He gets up and gives me a smile that makes me yearn for more. “See

you on Thursday, Casey.”

“I’ll be there.” I stay where I am and watch him saunter away, and I wonder how he’s such a

mystery. It takes me a moment to realize that in some roundabout way, he’s completely tricked me into

going to that barbecue. Because he is right. I wouldn’t have gone otherwise, not without James. I feel a

sudden sting as I grasp the truth in those people calling us the Twins. And I catch myself pondering if I

should even ask James if he wants to come.

Chapter 9

Stigmatized

JAMES: There’s a spot up the green hill on the edge of Shriner’s Park where I like to go when I need to

think. Firstly, because you can overlook the whole campus from there. The voyeur in me loves that.

Secondly, because of the trees. Old, gnarled willows with their branches hanging low like strands of

hair. The perfect hiding place.

Today I got an awful lot to think about. But the truth is, it all boils down to one question that’s on

endless repeat in my mind: What the hell have I done? Part of me still can’t believe what happened with

Rizzo. I mean, I was physically present. I know damn well what went down in his room. When I close

my eyes I can still feel him. Everywhere. And I know that Casey would never forgive me if he ever

found out.

I exhale slowly, and let myself sink back onto the soft grass, stretching arms and legs out at my

sides. Like a dead man. The dead man I would sometimes like to be. A ceiling of branches sways softly

in the breeze above me. I close my eyes and just listen to the rustling of the leaves, sounding like the

surf, far away. It reminds me of that afternoon we spent by the sea. Of the heat, and of Rizzo’s hands on