my heart.

I smile at him, grateful for him, for everything. “If you’re going to tell me to stop worrying next,

forget it. Because that’s just not how I roll.”

He gives me a look. “Shut up now,” he says, suddenly all charisma and in charge, like he can be

sometimes, and god, does it ever turn me on when he does that. It might just be the sexiest thing on this

planet. “If you think I’ll give you a reason to chicken out again, you are so wrong, Jimmy Boy.”

I punch him a little for that. “Hey, I don’t chicken out.”

He punches me back playfully. “You do too.”

“When have I ever… oh,” I say, and feel more than a little bit stupid. I make a face. “Well, that

sucks. Why do you always have to be right?”

He shrugs. “I’m just that cool. Also, didn’t I tell you to shut up?”

“Okay.” I nod and place a gentle kiss on the special spot on his collarbone that I know when worked

on properly can drive him to do unspeakable things. “Shutting up is in commencement.”

There’s a positively wicked grin on his lips. “You’re still allowed to moan.”

“Oh thank heavens,” I whisper into his ear before I start to kiss a trail along his neck. I suddenly stop

then, and look into his eyes. “How exactly are you so awesome?”

He blinks at me, surprised. “What, a compliment? Again?”

“Yeah, sorry. I know you prefer flattery.”

He laughs, and it’s the most beautiful, carefree sound in the world. Like me, he still remembers the

date that wasn’t supposed to be a date, when we talked about art and Europe and so much more. It

seems like a lifetime ago. So much has happened since then. And look at us now. We can talk all day if

we want to. We can sit in the most comfortable silence ever known. We laugh so much when we’re

together. He always senses when I need space, and I know when to leave him alone. It just works,

somehow. Who would have ever thought it possible? It feels incredibly good. One of these days, I will

come to realize it’s not just a dream. This is real, isn’t it?

“Maybe I could make an exception for you.”

“For compliments?” I grin.

He winks at me. “Yeah. As long as they’re not too frequent.”

“You have my solemn promise.”

His smile is irresistible. “Deal.”

“That being established, I’ll probably still try to sabotage my way out of this. Just so you know.”

He chuckles softly, but his eyes are warm and full of promise. “Wiggle as much as you want, Jimmy

Boy. You won’t get off this hook.”

“Speaking of wiggling…” I grin, and reach down to open the zipper on his fly. He laughs and covers

my lips in a kiss that leaves me hot all over, and more than a little breathless. I get goosebumps when he

kisses or touches me like that, all intense and focused. If there ever comes a time when I’m no longer

hopelessly turned on by that amazing body of his and the things he does with it, I demand to be shot on

sight. He slips his hands underneath my shirt and caresses my skin in a way that has me half-hard in no

time.

“Hell, I don’t want to leave you,” I whisper against the skin of his chest, so softly I’m not sure he

even hears. There’s no real reaction to it, just him taking my shirt off, but when I look into his eyes, they

are dark and thoughtful. He’s back to his sexy self instantly, continuing to undress me.

“You do grasp the concept of shutting up? It means you don’t talk.” He pushes me onto the mattress,

reaching down to expertly wrap his fingers around my now painfully hard cock.

“Gah”, I reply, and follow it with something even more incoherent for good measure.

“That’s the spirit”, he grins, and kisses me in a way that makes me want to die from pleasure. This

concept of shutting up I can buy into.

* * *

It’s quiet in the large theater auditorium this time of night. Like the heavy silence from the empty

corridors is pressing in through the cracks underneath the doors. The room is dark except for a few

lights near the front that fill the stage with a warm, almost magical glow. I sit beside Danny on the

bench of the grand piano, waiting for him to start playing. He runs his elegant fingers over the keys like

a gentle caress, and I listen, transfixed, as notes begin to rise and music sweeps through the theater. It

starts slowly, rises to something living and breathing, powerful and true. It’s completely improvised, and

the melody rises as it comes to him, drifts into something else flawlessly and touches something deep

inside of me that’s never been moved in such a way. His gaze is fixed on something only he can see. My

heart is beating so loudly in my chest I think he must be able to hear it.

I don’t know for how long he plays like this, oblivious to the world, showing me this secret side of

his. Time drifts away like nothing, and when the melody slows down and exchanges its power for

something tender and fragile, and finally ends, I can only sit in silence, too moved to speak.

“You okay?” he finally asks, turning to me.

I nod. I feel liberated, still swept away by his music, and at the same time scared as hell. I lean my

forehead against his, and close my eyes. Only then do the words come, and I exhale with a shudder of

relief. “Just so we’re clear: I love you too.”

He leans back a little with an amazed smile. “Hell will freeze over, he actually said it.”

“Yeah well,” I smile back at him. “Get used to it. I might repeat it some time.”

“I could learn to live with that.” He grins, only a little smug in the most endearing way.

He pulls me close, and my chuckle gets buried in his kiss. Suddenly I’m senselessly happy. I feel

better than I have in… well, ever, probably. It pushes back my lingering sadness, sets me free. I’m

always gonna be good old Jimmy Foley, Waldorf and Statler combined in one person. I don’t change

easily, and maybe I never will. I will still bite the hand that feeds me if I can. But maybe even Jimmy

Foley can learn to take a leap of faith every now and then. Stranger things have happened.

Chapter 13

In Secret Places

DANNY: I know it’s pretty sneaky, and maybe I should have talked to James first. But the first thing I

do the next day is give Markus a call. Markus is one of Grazzo’s good friends, and he teaches at the JIB

- the Jazz Institute Berlin. Grazzo’s been telling me all kinds of good stuff about the place. It’s one of

the schools he’s been nagging me to apply to for years.

As it turns out, applications for the next semester are already closed. Shit. My heart sinks, but then

Markus starts to ramble about how Graz would probably kill him if he found out that I wanted to study

at the JIB and they didn’t let me in. He says he’ll talk to some people. Make some calls. Looks like

there might be some chance on getting in late due to being the undeniably talented offspring of one of

the world’s leading jazz musicians. I’ve never made use of Grazzo’s connections, but count me in this

time.

Seems stupid now, not studying music in the first place when now that I’ve decided that that’s what I

want to do, it feels so right I can’t believe it. It’s got nothing to do with making Grazzo happy. It’s got

everything to do with what I want to do with my life. And I think J may have more than just a little bit

to do with my finally figuring this out.

So when we hang out at my room that night, and for a while I’ve watched him typing away on his

laptop for another class assignment that apparently I made him late to finish, just feeling strangely

content, I sit up straighter on the bed where we’re both lounging.

“What if I came to Berlin with you?”

He freezes mid-motion and looks up at me. I can see his eyes light up at the thought momentarily,