“I don’t know,” Aomame said.

She really had no idea what they should do, or where they should go. Once they had climbed the emergency stairway, her role was over. She was too drained to think, or make a judgment call. There wasn’t a drop left in her tank. She could only let some other power take over.

O Lord in Heaven, may Thy name be praised in utmost purity for ever and ever, and may Thy kingdom come to us. Please forgive our many sins, and bestow Thy blessings upon our humble pathways. Amen.

The prayer flowed out from her like a conditioned reflex. She didn’t have to think about it. Each individual word had no meaning. The phrases were nothing more than sounds to her now, a list of signs and nothing more. Still, as she mechanically recited the prayer, a strange feeling came over her, something you might even call reverence. Something deep inside her struck a chord in her heart. Despite all that happened, I never lost myself, she thought. Thank goodness I can be here, as me. Wherever here is.

May Thy kingdom come, Aomame intoned once more, like she had done in elementary school before lunch, so many years ago. Whatever that might mean, she wished it. May Thy kingdom come.

Tengo stroked her hair, as if combing it.

Ten minutes later Tengo was able to flag down a passing taxi. At first they couldn’t believe their eyes. A single taxi, absent of any passengers, was slowly making its way along the traffic jam on the expressway. Tengo raised a skeptical hand, the back door swung open right away, and they climbed aboard, quickly, hurriedly, afraid that this phantom would vanish. The young driver, wearing glasses, turned to face them.

“Because of the traffic jam I would like to get off at the Ikejiri exit coming up, if that’s all right with you?” the driver asked. He had a rather high-pitched voice for a man, but it wasn’t irritating.

“That would be fine,” Aomame replied.

“It’s actually against the law to pick up passengers on the expressway.”

“Which law would that be?” Aomame asked. Her face, reflected in the rearview mirror, wore a slight frown.

The driver couldn’t come up with the name of the law that prohibits picking up passengers on highways. Plus, Aomame’s face in the rearview mirror was starting to frighten him a little.

“Well, whatever,” the driver said, abandoning the topic. “Anyway, where would you like to go?”

“You can let us off near Shibuya Station,” Aomame said.

“I haven’t set the meter,” the driver said. “I’ll just charge you for the distance after we get off the expressway.”

“Why were you on the expressway with no passenger?” Tengo asked him.

“It’s sort of a long story,” the driver said, his voice etched with fatigue. “Would you like to hear it?”

“I would,” Aomame said. Long and boring was fine by her. She wanted to hear people’s stories in this new world. There might be new secrets there, new hints.

“I picked up a fare, a middle-aged man, near Kinuta Park, and he asked me to take him near Aoyama Gakuin University. He wanted me to take the expressway since there would be too much traffic around Shibuya. At this point, there wasn’t any bulletin about a traffic jam on the expressway. Traffic was supposed to be moving along just fine. So I did what he asked and got on the expressway at Yoga. But then there was an accident around Tani, apparently, and you can see the result. Once we were stuck, we couldn’t even get to the Ikejiri exit to get off. Meanwhile, the passenger spied a friend of his. Around Komazawa, when we weren’t moving an inch, there was a silver Mercedes coupe next to us that just happened to be driven by a woman who was a friend of his. They rolled down the windows and chatted and she wound up inviting him to ride with her. The man apologized and asked if he could pay up and go over to her car. Letting a passenger out in the middle of a highway is unheard of, but since we actually weren’t moving, I couldn’t say no. So the man got into the Mercedes. He felt bad about it, so he added a little extra to what he paid to sweeten the deal. But still it was annoying. I mean, I couldn’t move at all. Anyway, bit by bit I made my way here, nearly to the Ikejiri exit. And then I saw you raising your hand. Pretty hard to believe, don’t you think?”

“I can believe it,” Aomame said concisely.

That night the two of them stayed in a high-rise hotel in Akasaka. They turned the lights out, undressed, got into bed, and held each other. There was a lot they needed to talk about, but that could wait till morning. They had other priorities. Without a word passing between them, they leisurely explored each other’s bodies in the dark. With their fingers and palms, one by one, they checked where everything was, what they were shaped like. They felt excited, like little children on a treasure hunt in a secret room. Once they found each part, they kissed it with a seal of approval.

After they had leisurely finished this process, Aomame held Tengo’s hard penis in her hand—just like years before, when she had held his hand in the classroom after school. It felt harder than anything she had ever known, miraculously hard. Aomame spread her legs, moved close, and slowly inserted him inside of her. Straight in, deep inside. She closed her eyes in the darkness and gulped a deep and dark intake of breath. Then, ever so slowly, she exhaled. Tengo felt her hot breath on his chest.

“I’ve always imagined being held by you like this,” Aomame said, whispering in his ear as she stopped moving.

“Having sex with me?”

“Yes.”

“Since you were ten you’ve been imagining this?” Tengo asked.

Aomame laughed. “No, that came when I was a little older.”

“I’ve been imagining the same thing.”

“Being inside me?”

“That’s right,” Tengo said.

“Is it like you imagined?”

“I still can’t believe it’s real,” Tengo admitted. “I feel like I’m imagining things.”

“But this is real.”

“It feels too good to be real.”

In the darkness Aomame smiled. And she kissed him. They explored each other’s tongues.

“My breasts are kind of small, don’t you think?” Aomame said.

“They’re just right,” Tengo said, cupping them.

“You really think so?”

“Of course,” he said. “If they were any bigger then it wouldn’t be you.”

“Thank you,” Aomame said. “They’re not just small,” she added, “but the right and left are also different sizes.”

“They’re fine the way they are,” Tengo said. “The right one’s the right one, the left one’s the left. No need to change a thing.”

Aomame pressed an ear against his chest. “I’ve been lonely for so long. And I’ve been hurt so deeply. If only I could have met you again a long time ago, then I wouldn’t have had to take all these detours to get here.”

Tengo shook his head. “I don’t think so. This way is just fine. This is exactly the right time. For both of us.”

Aomame started to cry. The tears she had been holding back spilled down her cheeks and there was nothing she could do to stop them. Large teardrops fell audibly onto the sheets like rain. With Tengo buried deep inside her, she trembled slightly as she went on crying. Tengo put his arms around her and held her. He would be holding her close from now on, a thought that made him happier than he could imagine.

“We needed that much time,” Tengo said, “to understand how lonely we really were.”

“Start moving,” Aomame breathed in his ear. “Take your time, and do it slowly.”

Tengo did as he was told. He began pumping slowly. Breathing quietly, listening to his heartbeat. Aomame clung to him like she was drowning. She gave up crying, gave up thinking, distanced herself from the past, from the future, and became one with his movements.


Перейти на страницу:
Изменить размер шрифта: