Then, finally, he stops talking and looks at Steve with concern in his eyes. “Lieverd? Is

something the matter, sweetheart?”

Words tumble through Steve’s head and he isn’t able to even catch one of them. He tries to

understand what Daniël has just said, to understand the meaning and implications, but all he can do is

stare blankly at the boy, who’s looking more miserable with every passing second.

Why didn’t he save himself? That’s how it’s always done, when a player did something

unbelievably stupid and the press got hold of it: ignore it, fend off any questions with the same old “no

comment” and let the storm pass. Within days, weeks if it’s very spectacular, the bloodhounds have

found another victim. And always be careful with doing vanity searches on the internet because you

will find things you might not want to know.

“Is it still on the net? The press conference, that is,” he finally asks, knowing very well nothing

fully disappears once it’s been uploaded.

“Of course, it’s been one of the most downloaded vids for a while. It kept spreading and

spreading.” Daniël gets his laptop. “I have it on my hard drive anyway. Is it uncomfortable if I rest it

on your lap?”

“No problem.”

“You never complain, but I know you still hurt.” Daniël places a pillow on Steve’s lap, the

laptop on top of that and opens it. “Comfortable?”

Steve smiles.

Daniël moves to open the document, but Steve stops him. “I do love you.”

Dan kisses him. “That’s what I told them. Just watch.”

The first time Steve sees the footage all that registers is Daniël’s face. All the expressions,

from sad to smiling, from angry to proud: he’s so mesmerised by it, that almost nothing of the

questions and answers reaches his ears. There’s so much pain in that lovely face, such deep sorrow,

that it twists his insides into a dozen knots. Such pale face, lines written by fatigue and shock layered

over unmistakable youth. How can anyone so achingly young carry this heavy burden? But there’s also

love and pride and hope in rich abundance.

“I wasn’t there for you,” is the first thing he says when the video reaches the end.

“You were fighting for your life. And believe me, you were there.” Daniël touches Steve’s arm

because he understands that Steve needs to be touched.“Watch it again?”

This time, he concentrates on what’s being said. Perhaps he doesn’t get every single word, but

it’s enough to understand that any remaining hope of life going back to normal for Daniël has proven

to be a grand illusion.

There is a sad smile on Daniël’s face. “I want to end all the speculation about Steve Gavan and

me. There are a lot of lies spreading around, but this part is true: we are in a relationship and have

been for the past six months.”

He sees how pale Daniël gets when he says, “Steve’s in a coma at the moment. I understand he

is kept under heavy sedation to make sure he moves as little as possible to give his body a chance to

heal. Against the pain. But the doctors are able to tell you more about that later...the men who did

this? You have to ask the police. I’m sorry.”

Arnaud Degaré saying a few words. “The club won’t make any decisions concerning either

Steve or Daniël until a more appropriate moment. Of course, Daniël will be given full opportunity to

be with his partner as long as he needs to be. Even if it would mean he won’t be available for any

match during the rest of the season. Of course, they will get their payment in full. Both of them, yes.

They are part of this team, let there be no mistake about that. Kinbridge Town is a club that takes care

of its people. With full blessing of the owners, I might add. I have visited Steve, yes. I am deeply

shocked. This is not the Kinbridge I have come to know and appreciate.”

He sees Daniël whispering to Matthew before the captain gives answer to the question of what

he thinks of recent events. “It’s simple, really. I see no excuse for anyone to go around and beat one of

my team to a bloody pulp...No, I didn’t know about them. It had been their decision to keep their

privacy. Would it have made a difference? That’s private, too. I’d just like to say that all the lads are

behind them one hundred per cent. We got word from other teams, managers and players, too. Both

national and international. The message is clear: this isn’t what football is about. I know the fans, the

true fans, will be right behind us during the coming match against Manchester City. We need your

support now more than ever at Chestnut Road.”

Daniël is now frowning. “I have no idea why he was in that park at that moment. He’s a grown

man; he can walk wherever he pleases, whenever he pleases. I trust he will tell me everything. Why?

Because he loves me. Believe me, I know. How do I know? How do you show your wife – you do have

a wife? Or a boyfriend? – you love her? I don’t like your insinuations. As I said, I can imagine him

being lost, not paying attention to where he was going. Just because you walk in a park, does that

mean you know what some men are using that same park for? It’s not like they have road signs for

such places.”

His lips are one tight line while he listens to the next question. “It’s not about a professional

footy player being caught in a gay cruising area with his pants down, it’s about a human being brutally

beaten and left for dead. Ik ben er zeker van die hij niets verkeerds deed... I’m sorry, I mean to say I

know he did nothing wrong.”

Daniël’s smiling. “We just fell in love. It happens, you know. We were quiet about it, but that

doesn’t mean our relationship was any less serious. I hoped Steve and I would be able to share our

lives after his retirement from football. I still do.”

His eyes are now wide in anger. “I don’t speak for any organisation or movement or anything. I

didn’t want to come out to the wider public, at least not as long as we were both playing as

professionals. This isn’t about politics. I don’t care what other people would do. I respect their

choices, but that’s all. I’m here because I won’t accept that the man I love is getting dragged through

the mud while fighting for his life. I defend him because he can’t.”

Followed by quiet sadness. “Waarom zou iemand zo’n schat van een man überhaupt iets willen

aandoen? I mean, why would anyone want to hurt him? He’s such a sweetheart of a man. He has never

said one wrong word to any of his fans. What reason could they have had?”

Cocking his head. “What I plan on doing now? Stay with him until he wakes up. Stay with him

after he wakes up. That’s what I wanted a week ago. That’s what I still intend to do. Ik heb mijn besluit

genomen. Yes, I made my decision.”

Daniël takes the laptop and puts it aside. Then he sits on the chair next to Steve’s bed. Neither

of them says anything while Daniël takes his lover’s hands in his own and kisses them with slow

tenderness.

Chapter 12

The police officers return with questions, which he answers to the best of his abilities. They

tell him there have been several arrests. They show him photos. He looks at them, and remembers the

nipper with the shirt and the school team and the poster that, he’s certain, will no longer be above his

bed. He remembers the derisive laughter as if he said something funny by stating in a civil manner

that he wanted to continue his walk. He remembers the voices, the heavy breathing brought about by

performing a physically demanding job that asked as much of them as playing the full 90 minutes did

of him when he was still competition fit.