"Pretty much what you're saying," said Hiccup.

"N-n-never trust a dragon," said Toothless, cheerfully hopping out of the wallow and helping himself to one of the winkles that Hiccup had found for him (Toothless was particularly fond of winkles -- "J-j-just like picking your n-n-nose," he had said). "That's what my-m-m-mother taught me in the nest, and she shoud know."

Hiccup sighed. It was true. Toothless was cute to look at, and very good company -- if a little demanding. However, you only had to look into his big, innocent, heavily lashed eyes to realize that he was totally without morals. The eyes were ancient, the eyes of a killer. You might as well ask a crocodile or a shark to be your friend. Hiccup wiped the mud off his face.

"I'll think of something else," said Hiccup.

February turned into March and Hiccup was still thinking. A few flowers made the mistake of appearing and were immediately blasted out of existence by a

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couple of hard frosts that had kept themselves back for this very purpose.

Fishlegs could now get Horrorcow to "go" and "stay" on command. Hiccup was still struggling to teach Toothless the basics of toilet training.

"NO FOOING IN THE KITCHEN," said Hiccup for the hundredth time, carrying Toothless outside after yet another accident.

'Is w-w-warmer in the kitchen," whined

Toothless.

"But poos go OUTSIDE, You KNO W that," said Hiccup, at the end of his tether.

Toothless promptly pooed all over Hiccup's hands and down his tunic. J

"Is OUTSIDE, is OUTSIDE, is OUTSIDE," crowed Toothless.

At this inopportune moment, Snotlout and Dogsbreath came sauntering past Stoick's house on the way back from the beach, their dragons on their shoulders. "Well, well, well," sneered Snotlout, "if it isn't the USELESS, covered in dragon poo. It actually quite suits you."

"Hur, Hur, Hur," snorted Dogsbreath.

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"That's not a dragon," jeered Seaslug, Dogsbreath's dragon, who was an ugly great Gronckle with a pug nose and a mean temper, "that's a newt with wings."

"That's not a dragon," scoffed Fireworm, Snotlout's dragon, who was as big a bully as her master, "that's an ickle newborn bunny wabbit with a pathetic pooproblem."

Toothless gave a gasp of fury.

Snotlout showed Hiccup the immense heap of fish that he had wrapped up in his cloak.

"Look what Fireworm and Seaslug caught down at the beach. And it only took a couple of hours. ..."

Fireworm coughed, flexed a shining muscle or two, and looked at her claws in fake modesty. "Oh, pease," she drawled. "I wasn't even CONCCEN-Tr\ATItfG. If I was TRYING, I could do it in ten minutes, with one wing tied, behind my back."

"Excuse me while I throw up," muttered Toothless to Horrorcow, who was regarding Fireworm with disapproval in her big brown eyes.

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"We reckon Fireworm could be a bit of a HUNTING LEGEND," grinned Snotlout. "I hear that Horrorcow is partial to carrots. . . . Has the Toothless Wonder gotten up the nerve to attack a vegetable? Carrots are a bit crunchy but perhaps he could manage the odd squished cucumber. . . . You could give it to him through a straw perhaps. ..."

"HUR, HUR, HUR." Dogsbreath laughed so hard that snot came snorting out of his nose.

"Careful, Dogsbreath," said Fishlegs politely, "your brains are coming out."

Dogsbreath bashed him hard and the two boys staggered off, Fireworm making a lunge at Toothless that nearly took his eye out as he went past.

As soon as they were safely out of earshot, Toothless jumped out of Hiccup's arms and coughed out sheets of flame in a menacing manner.

"Bullies! Yellowbellies! Come closer and Toothess'll fry you to a frazzle! Toothess'll drag out yer guts and, play'em on a harp! Toothess'll... Toothless'll... Toothless'll... well, you just better not come any closer, that's all... !"

"Oh, very brave, Toothless," said Hiccup sarcastically. "If you shout louder they might even, hear you."

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Chapter 9 FEAR, VANITY, REVENGE, AND SILLY JOKES

March turned into April and April turned into May. After Fireworm's remark about the pathetic bunny rabbit, Toothless never pooed in the kitchen again. But Hiccup hadn't made any further progress in training him.

It was still raining, but it was a warm rain. The wind was blowing, but it was a less furious wind. It was just about possible to stand upright.

The gulls' eggs were hatching on the rocks and the parent gulls dive-bombed Hiccup and Fishlegs when they came to the Long Beach to practice.

"KILL, Horrorcow, KILL," said Fishlegs to Horrorcow, who was calmly perched on his shoulder. "You could have that Black-backed Gull for breakfast, he's barely half your size. Honestly, Hiccup, I give up, I don't know how I'm going to pass the hunting section of the test, Horrorcow just doesn't have the killer instinct. She'd never survive in the wild."89

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Hiccup laughed hollowly. "You think YOU'VE got problems? Toothless and I are failing right from the beginning: the basic obedience commands, the retrieval, the compulsory exercises, the hunting -- the lot."

"It can't be thatbad," said Fishlegs.

"Watch," said Hiccup.

The boys moved along the beach a bit, out of range of the gulls.

They started practicing the most basic command of all: "go." The dragon was supposed to stand, bolt upright, on the handler's outstretched arm. The handler would then bark the command as loudly as possible while simultaneously lifting his arm to fling the dragon into the air. The dragon was supposed to soar gracefully into flight when the handler's arm reached its highest point.

Horrorcow yawned, scratched, and slowly flapped off, grumbling to herself.

Toothless was even less obedient.

"GO!" yelled Hiccup.

Hiccup flung his arm up. Toothless hung on.

"I said GO!" Hiccup repeated in frustration.

"W-w-why g-g-go?" shuddered Toothless, gripping even tighter.

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"Just go GO GO GO GO!!!!" screamed Hiccup, flapping his arm up and down frantically, with Toothless hanging on to it for dear life.

Toothless stayed.

"Toothless," said Hiccup, as reasonably as he could, "please go. If you don't start going when I tell you to, we are both going be thrown into exile."

"But I don't w-w-want to go," Toothless pointed out, equally reasonably.

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Fishlegs watched the whole process in appalled amazement. "You really do have problems," he said in an awed voice.

"Yup," said Hiccup. He finally managed to uncurl Toothless's claws, which had relaxed their grip for a second, and pushed him off. Toothless landed on the sand with a squeal of outrage, and immediately attached himself to Hiccup's leg, getting a good grip on the sandals with his talons, and wrapping his wings around Hiccup's calf.

"N-n-not going," said Toothless stubbornly.

"It can't get much worse than this," said Hiccup, "so I'm going to try a new tack."

He took out the notebook in which he had been jotting down all he knew about dragons in the hope that it might be useful. "DRAGON MOTIVATION .. ."

Hiccup read aloud, "Number one. GRATITUDE."

Hiccup sighed. "Number two. FEAR. That works, but I can't do it. Three, four, five: GREED,

VANITY, and REVENGE. Those are all worth a try.

Six. JOKES AND RIDDLING TALK. Only if I'm