As if I hadnt said anything, my mother said, Any kind of alpha takes some serious managing. Werewolves are controlling bastardsand Alpha werewolves are worse than that. If you dont watch it, you find that you are doing exactly what they tell you to.
There was an interesting snap in her voice, and I wondered how often Bran had gotten her to do what he wanted her to. Not as often as he wanted, Id bet, but evidently more than she was happy about.
I know how to take care of myself. I wasnt worried. Adam was dominantthat was certainly true. But Id more than proved to myself that I could hold my own against him if I needed to.
I know you do, Mom said with satisfaction. But remember, confrontations arent productive with an Alpha. Youll just loseor worse, make him lose control.
He wont hurt me, Mom.
Of course not, she said. But a man like Adam, if he loses control, hell feel terrible. Hell worry that hemight have hurt you. Making him feel horrible isnt what you want. She paused, considered what she said, then modified it. Unless it is useful for him to feel horrible, of course. Mostly, though, Ive found that isnt productive. Men who are miserable can be unpredictable.
I wondered if my stepfather knew how lucky he was that she felt it was in her best interests that he was happy instead of miserable. Probably he did; he was a smart man.
I am the queen of hit-and-run, I told her. All the satisfaction, none of the danger.
Good, she said. Just make sure he doesnt turn you into the good little wife. Youd manage it for a whileyou were the good little daughter in my house from the time you moved in until you went to college.
There was a little edge to her voice, as if Id hurt herwhich hadnt been my intention at all. When Id left Brans pack to live with my mother and stepfather, Id been sixteen, and theyd already had a family without me. No. Theyd had the perfect family without me. I hadnt wanted to disturb them any more than I could help.
But if you try that in a marriage, she continued, the marriage will self-destruct eventually, and there will be casualties everywhere you look.
Adam doesnt want a good little wife, I told her.
Of course not, she said. But she didnt know Adam that well, and I figured she was just humoring me, until she kept going. But he was taught how to be a husband when it was assumed that his wife would be a combination cook/housekeeper/mother who would need him to provide and protect her.He knows in his head and his heart that you are an equal, but his instincts were instilled a long time ago. You are going to have to help him with that and be patient with him.
My mother would not be nearly as terrifying if she werent right so often. *
SO INSTEAD OF STICKING AROUND TO FIGHT WITH Adam, I ran to let us both cool off, and to let the hurt of his patronizing remarks ease so I could think. I cant be patient when Im madunless Im waiting to get back at someone, and I wasnt that mad. Not yet.
I ran the first mile or so as fast as I could, then dropped down to a dog-trot.
I couldnt let him treat me like his first wife. I couldnt live surrounded by cotton wool.
But he knew that.
I trusted him. What hed kept from me hadnt been life threatening. He was right. The fae would not offend the Alpha of the Columbia Basin Pack. One werewolf was a tough creaturebut the real power of the werewolves lay in their packs. I could understand him wanting to make sure our honeymoon was worry-free.
Okay. Okay.
So at what point had our discussion turned into an argument that left us both angry? And left me with an ache in my chest that felt as if hed punched me instead of snapped at me. He hadnt even worked up to a good rage, and I felt miserable.
A rabbit bolted right out in front of me. I hadnt really intended on hunting, but if the stupid things want to present themselves for dinner … With a fresh turn of speed, I gave chase. *
I WAS EATING THE LAST OF THE RABBIT WHEN ADAM showed up in his glorious furred form. Adam is a beautiful man, and his wolf is beautiful, too. He is colored like a Siamese cat, though in bluish grays that deepen to near black.
He dropped a second rabbit at my feet and lay down in front of me, nose on his paws and his ears flattened.
Nothing says youre sorry like a dead bunny.
I remembered his first wife. Christy had made him apologize a lot, apologize for things that were not his fault. I didnt want an apology. I wanted to know why wed just had a fight, and I hadnt even enjoyed it.
Iliked to fight with Adam.
Hed been mad first.
I considered that.
Adam got mad for three reasons. The most common, and my personal favorite, was frustration. Usually, when Adam was mad at me, frustration was the spark that set him off. Adam frustrated and angry with me usually started with fireworks and ended in good ways with a lot of adrenaline engendered and spent along the way.
The second was if anyone was trying to harm someone under his protection. Wed established that the fae were probably not planning our deaths or even near-fatal entrapments.
The third was painphysical or otherwise.
Having established that he wasnt frustrated and neither I nor anyone else was in any dangerI must have hurt him somehow.
I narrowed my eyes at him. Usually, Adam was pretty straightforward. It was one of my favorite things about him. Figuring out why hed been mad should have been a lot easier.
Hed tried to protect me, and I objected. We did that all the time, and he seldom got mad unless or until I got hurt.
Hed tried to make sure our wedding and honeymoon were fun. Hed thought that Id fret about borrowing the van from Uncle Mike but that Id also have a better time out here than I would have in a more typical honeymoon.
Hed gotten mad when he thought I was going to get mad at him for not telling me about the trailer. It was his belief that I would get mad about it that had hurt him. I wiggled my hips into a more comfortable position and tried to think like Adama very smart person poisoned by testosterone.
Firsthe knew Id get mad if he kept anything big from me, but that wouldnt hurt his feelings.
And suddenly I understood what had happened.
I got up and stepped over my kill, then over his. I licked his muzzleand then shifted back into human.
You made some assumptions, I told him. Take a note: it usually works better if you wait until I do something stupid before getting mad at me.
Adam stared at me. I couldnt tell what he was thinking.
This building a marriage is an ongoing project, I told him. And well both make a lot of mistakes along the way. I did worry about borrowing the trailer. But after a half minutes thought, I knew youd never borrow anything from any fae without making sure you had a handle on the consequences. I blew out a huff of air. You got mad because you thought I wouldnt trust you to know the difference. Not fair. Not fair at all.
Me, I keep important stuff from you all the time. I grinned at him. But I know youre a better person than I am. Still, I think that my frailty means you dont owe me an apology for doing something I would do, so were even as far as keeping information from me is concerned.
Now it was he who narrowed his eyes at me.
Right, I said as if hed spoken. It was chilly in bare skin with the sun down, so I stretched out against him and let him keep me warm. I know what I said before I took offbut I was provoked. No apologies from me or from youbut Ill take the rabbit on account. However, if you trythat patronizing sh-stuff on me again, not even a fat juicy rabbit is going to stop the fight well have.
Since it was unfair for me to keep being the only one who could talk, I shifted back into the coyote. And since I have a policy of accepting gifts graciously, I ate his rabbit. Besides, fighting always made me hungry, and there was no chocolate handy.