“My heart!” he choked. “Savil, look at your nephew! Barefoot, shaggy - headed, and shabby! Where in Havens has our peacock gone?”

“He got lost somewhere south of Horn,” Vanyel replied. “I last saw him in a tavern singing trios with my mind and my wits. I haven't seen either of them in a while, either.”

“Well, you surely couldn't tell it from the reports we got back,” Jaysen answered, coming quickly forward and clasping his forearms with no sign of the uneasiness he'd once had around the younger Herald.  “There's three new songs about you out of your year down south, in case you didn't know. Very accurate, too, amazingly enough.”

Vanyel sighed. “Gods. Bards.”

Jaysen cocked his graying head to the side. “You should be used to it by now. You keep doing things that make wonderful songs, so how can they resist?” He grinned. “Maybe you should stop. Become a bricklayer, for instance.”

Vanyel shook his head and groaned. “It's not my fault!”

Jaysen laughed. “I'd best be off before that trio wrecks my workroom. Did Savil tell you? I've been given the protégés you'd have gotten if you hadn't been in a combat zone. Count your blessings - one's a farmgirl who had much rather be a fighter than a Herald-Mage, thank you; one's a very bewildered young man who can't for a moment imagine why he was Chosen and as a result has no confidence whatsoever; and the third is an overly confident sharpster who's actually a convicted lawbreaker!”

“Convicted of what?” Vanyel asked, amused at the woebegone expression on Jaysen's face.

“Chicanery and fraud. The old shell-and-pea game at Midsummer Fair; he was actually Chosen on the way to his sentencing, if you can believe it.”

“I can believe it. It's keeping you busy, anyway.”

“It is that. It's good to see you, Van.” Jaysen hesitated a moment, and then put one hand on his shoulder. “Vanyel-” He locked his pale, near-colorless blue eyes with Vanyel's, and Van saw disturbance there that made him, uneasy. “Take care of yourself, would you? We need you. I don't think you realize how much.”

He slipped out the door before Vanyel could respond. Van stared after him with his mouth starting to fall open.

“What in the name of sanity was that about?” he asked, perplexed, turning back to his aunt, who had not left the comfortable confines of her chair. She looked up at him measuringly.

“Have you any notion how many Herald-Mages we've lost in the last four years?” she asked, her high - cheekboned face without any readable expression.

“Two dozen?” he hazarded.

Now she looked uneasy. Not much, but enough that he could tell. “Slightly more than half the total we had when you and I came back from k'Treva. We can't replace them fast enough. The Mage-Gift was never that common in the first place, and with a rate of attrition like that - “ She grimaced. “I haven't told you about this before, because there was nothing you could do about it, but after the deaths of the last year, you should know the facts. You become more important with each loss, Van. You were the only one available to send to replace those five casualties on the Karsite Border. You were the only one who could replace all five of them, all by yourself. That's why we couldn't relieve you, lad, or even send you one other Herald-Mage to give you a breather. We simply didn't have anyone to send. Speaking of which - “ She raised one eyebrow as she gave him such a penetrating look that Vanyel felt as if she was seeing past his clothes to count his ribs and mark each of his scars. “ - you look like hell.”

“Can't anyone greet me without saying that?” he complained. “You, Tran, Jays - can't you tell me I'm looking seasoned? Or poetic? Or something?''

“Horseturds; you don't look 'seasoned,' you look like hell. You're too damned thin, your eyes are sunken, and if my Othersenses aren't fooling me, you've got no reserves - you're on your last dregs of energy.”

Vanyel sighed, and folded himself up at her feet, resting his back against the front of her chair and his head against her knee. That was “home,” and always would be - as Savil was more his mother than his birth-mother ever could be. “It's nothing,” he replied. “At least nothing a little sleep won't cure. Come on, you know how you feel at the end of a tour of duty. You're still your old tactful self, Savil.”

“Tact never was one of my strong traits, lad,” she replied, and he felt her hand touch, and then begin stroking his hair. He closed his eyes and relaxed; muscles began to unknot that must have been tensed up for the past year. For the first time in months there was no one depending on him, looking to him for safety. It was nice to feel sheltered and protected, instead of being the shelter and protection. There are times when I'd give anything to be a child again, and this is perilous close to one of them.

“I am mortally tired, Savil,” he admitted, finally. “I need this leave. It won't take long to rest up - but I do need the rest. You know, I didn't ask for this. I didn't want to be a Herald-Mage, I wanted to be a Bard. I sure as Havens didn't ask to be 'Vanyel Dragonsbreath,' or whatever it is they're calling me.”

“Demonsbane.”

The increasingly shrill tone of his own voice finally penetrated his fog. “Savil, I - am I whining?”

She chuckled throatily. “You're whining, son.”

“Hellfire,” he said. “I swear, every time I lose a little sleep, I turn fifteen. A bratty fifteen, at that. I'm amazed you put up with me.”

“Darling boy,” she said, her hand somehow stroking his headache away, “You've earned a little whine. You're thinned out in more ways than one.” She sighed. “That's the one thing I regret most about the past few years - you never do or say anything anymore without thinking about it. That's good for Herald-Mage Vanyel, but I'm not entirely certain about Vanyel Ashkevron.” There was a long silence behind him, then - “There's no joy in you anymore, ke'chara. No joy at all. And that bothers me more than the circled eyes and thin cheeks.”

“We've all endured too much the last five years to be able to afford to do things without thinking. As for joy - is there joy anywhere, anymore? We've all lost so much - so many friends gone - “

Another long silence. “I don't know.”

He cleared his throat, and changed the subject. “I didn't feel a third here. You aren't teaching?”

“Can't; don't have the stamina anymore. Not and be Guardian, too.”

He'd half expected that. And he half expected what quarter. “So they made you Guardian? In whose place?”

“Lancir's. Shavri can't; she tried, and she can't. The four Guardians have to be Herald-Mages. We'd hoped Healing-Gift was close enough, but she didn't pass the last trial. I think she's relieved. It's a pity; the Guardian of the East has always been King's Own, but - “

“In that case, the present I brought you may be handy.” He shifted so that he could get at his pocket, and pulled out the crystal. He closed his hand around it, feeling all the smooth planes and angles pressing into his palm. “Don't you need a Prime Focus stone of your own to set in the Web? I thought you didn't have a good Prime to use for anything but personal stuff.''

“You do, and I put a stone there, but it was a Secondary Focus, an amethyst, and not what I'd have-”

He raised the hand holding the crystal above his head, parting his fingers so she could see it, but not opening his eyes or moving his head.

“Sunsinger's Glory!” she breathed. “Where did you find that?”

“Gifted me,” he said, as the weight left his hand. “People keep giving me things, Savil. An opal or amber I could have used - still - you can use it, so do.”

“I shall.” Her hand began to stroke his hair again, and he heard the little click as she set the stone down on the table beside her. “That will make my job a bit easier.” She chuckled richly. “I thought I was so lucky when it turned out my resonances worked best with rose-quartz-not like Deedre who was stuck with topaz, or Justen, with ruby. Nice, cheap stone, I thought. Won't have to go bankrupt trying to get a good one. Little did I know how hard it was to find a good, unflawed, large crystal!”