***

   We struggled to clamor over top of the hill. As much physical activity as I had been doing lately, I was still panting for breath, and my legs were shaking by the time we reached the top. I rose to my full height, surveying the slope of the hill as it fell sharply toward the highway. I was struggling to just breathe through my mouth. It was not working though, the scent of garbage and rot was strong, repugnant, and inescapable in the hot sun of the humid day. None of us had wanted to make our way through the dump toward the highway; unfortunately it had seemed like the safest option, and we could move through the day instead of having to stop again. The awful stench of the trash would mask our scents, and make it difficult to follow us, if they did happen to track by scent. There were also numerous places to hide amongst the heaping mounds of awful refuge.

   I had thought I was filthy and smelly before, it was nothing compared to now. Not to mention the gut wrenching, horrific bugs that we discovered amongst the overwhelming mounds of waste. What little food had been in my stomach was now gone. I continued to dry heave, but there was nothing left in me to lose. Abby had been crying softly, but she was now eerily silent. We were not so fortunate when it came to Jenna. She hadn’t stopped complaining since the moment we’d scaled the fence into the dump.

   “I want to go home. I can’t… I can’t. I just want to go home.”

   “You have to Jenna. There is no home to go to anymore,” Cade said softly, and not for the first time.

   I wanted to cry. I wanted to scream at her. I wanted to break down and beg to go home too. I wanted to flee down the mound, bolt out of the dump, and breathe fresh air again. Though I was certain I was never going to get the stench scrubbed off of me, or rid myself of the squishy, crawly, creepy feeling of bugs climbing and slithering over me. I shuddered, my gaze traveled down the massive mound.

   At least it was downhill from here.

   Jenna began to cry again. Cade wrapped his arm around her shoulders, looking to soothe her, but it wasn’t working. “My parents,” she whimpered. I tore my attention away from the endless garbage. It was the first time she had mentioned them in a long time. There was so much sorrow in her voice, so much misery in her small body. Pain ripped through my heart, my throat burned with tears. “They’re probably dead.”

   We had also lost our mother but Abby, Aiden, and I had survived such a loss before. It didn’t make the loss any easier, but we were better prepared to deal with it than Jenna or Bret. And now Jenna’s shock over this whole situation was wearing off, and in the middle of a massive pile of crap she was beginning to fall apart. She was starting to accept reality, and her grief was threatening to consume her. Unfortunately her breakdown threatened all of our lives.

  “Shh Jenna, shush now, it’s ok,” Cade tried to soothe.

   “It’s not ok!” she wailed. “It will never be ok again!”

   Abby’s mahogany eyes widened, dirt and some weird ooze streaked her pale skin. Her lower lip trembled slightly, but tears did not fill her eyes. She straightened her delicate shoulders, pulling at the strap of her tattered tank top as it slid to the side. I gave Cade credit for the fact that he did not argue with Jenna, did not try to lie to her and tell her that it would be ok. We all knew that it more than likely wouldn’t.

   Instead, Cade continued to comfort her as we struggled forward through the sucking, heaping, rotten mess beneath us. Abby made her way over to me, slipping her hand silently into mine. Jenna was weeping softly, her head buried against Cade’s chest, her shoulders shaking as they made their way forward.

   I missed our mother, I wished things were different. I wished that we had been able to save her. I wished that we would have the chance to lay her to rest, and grieve for her the way that we had been able to grieve for our father. I couldn’t think about her remaining trapped beneath that rubble forever, it was too painful. It made me feel like a disappointment to her. But even more, I wished that Jenna didn’t have to know what it felt like to be lost, adrift, tossed about in the sea of mourning and anguish that opened upon losing a parent. We had never really liked each other, but the sorrow she was going through now was not something I would wish on my most hated enemy, even if I had one.

   “One day Jenna, it will not hurt so bad.” Cade’s eyes met mine over top of Jenna’s head. They were not the same words he had uttered to me on that long ago day, but they were along the same lines. “One day the agony will not be so consuming.”

   The words were true, but they did not hint at the gaping hole that the loss would leave behind. We stumbled, slid, slipped, and staggered our way down the garbage heap. I tried to use my shirt to cover my nose, it helped a little but the annoyance it caused was not worth the little aid it provided.

  “Awful,” Abby whispered.

   I wanted to agree, but I couldn’t find the words to describe this miserable experience. The pile began to even out, leveling across the ground. The end to the sea of crap seemed to finally be in sight, though I was certain we would never escape the smell. I could taste its awfulness on my tongue. This place would haunt my memories until the end of my days. I shuddered, drawing strength from Abby’s slender frame as we picked our way through the smaller layer of trash.

   I glanced toward the sky, surprised by the lack of seagulls and crows fluttering through the air. They always circled the dump, cawing and diving for food. In fact, even though we had trudged through a veritable mountain of wasted food, I was stunned to realize that we had not encountered any wildlife. No birds, no rodents, not even a few stray cats or dogs were hanging around looking to be fed.

   I froze, scanning rapidly over the heaping mounds stretching around us. The birds had been singing this morning, and now…

   And now there was nothing again.

   I pulled Abby back, stopping her before she continued onward. “Bethany!” she hissed.

   I shook my head at her, scanning the pristine sky again. It was hot; maybe the animals were seeking the sanctuary of the shade. But all of them? It seemed not only unlikely but nearly impossible.

   “Bethy come on, I want to get out of here!”

   “Shh Abby!”

   Cade and Jenna had stopped walking; they were staring at me with confusion and impatience. “Come on Bethany.”

   “Something’s not right.”

   “No kidding!” Jenna retorted.

   I didn’t rise to her snippy attitude; instead I released Abby and began to move slowly back the way we had come. “Bethany!”

   I held up a hand to forestall Cade’s hissed words. One of the greatest things I had experienced in the past day was finally making the decent down this veritable mountain of crap, and now I was crazily clawing my way back up it. And it was just as awful, and exhausting, as I remembered. I struggled through the trash as it skidded and slipped out from underneath me, making the climb even more difficult. My legs ached, my lungs were beginning to burn again, but finally I made it to a small peak in the rubble.

   I rose slowly, my gaze scanning over the hills spanning out before me. I glanced back toward the sky, but there was still nothing there. Across the tons of trash I spotted movement on the far side of the heap. And it was coming closer. I watched, straining my eyes to make it out, struggling to see what was across the way. The heat, and waves of decomposition rising off of the pile, made whatever it was blurry and hard to discern. It could be anything, it could be the missing animals, it could be more people, but a crushing sense of impending doom was beginning to descend over me.