"So, Rose, you were going to tell me a story."

"Yes, per our agreement." Rose thought for a moment about his deal with Carstairs. In his rush to acquire a 'Mech, the telling of a simple story seemed like a fool's bargain on Carstairs' part. It had been easy to say yes at that moment, but now that the time had come to tell the tale, Rose realized he had given in too easily to the stablemaster's wishes. It had been more than two years since he last fought as a member of the Com Guards. Since that day he'd never talked about the fighting on Tukayyid.

Rose had by now come to accept the guilt and frustration he felt whenever he remembered the events of the fateful battle on that world, yet the pain was fresh, undiminished by time. Looking over at Carstairs, Rose decided that if it was time to tell the story, it was not for the reasons the stablemaster thought. Confession was said to be good for the soul; now he would find out if that were true. Rose would tell Carstairs the whole story and see if that helped diminish the pain. He smiled and lifted his glass toward the couch.

"I do like a man who pays his debts." Rose drained his glass and held it up in silent request for another. Carstairs heaved himself from the couch and returned with two more full glasses. Rose took a sip and then settled back into the chair.

"I am, as you suspect, a former member of the Com Guards. For most of my adult life I have served as a member of that fighting corps, stationed on one planet or another in the Draconis Combine. I desired little more than to pilot my 'Mech, but that was not to be.

"After several years as a 'Mech pilot, I was sent to Terra to learn the art of command at the Sandhurst Royal Military College. Three years later I was reassigned to the Ninety-first Division, Visions of Words, stationed on Luthien as an officer adept. In Inner Sphere terms that would be equivalent to the rank of captain. I was on Luthien when the Clans first invaded the Inner Sphere.

"Despite what you may have heard, ComStar was as ignorant as everyone else about who and what the Clans were. We watched with growing frustration as the Clans drove further and further into Steiner and Kurita space. We drilled and we waited.

"Eventually the drive came to a halt, and we believed the Clans had ended the invasion, but still we trained and practiced. When the attacks began again the soldiers of my command felt almost a sense of relief. A sense of purpose. Finally the grim news arrived that the Clan armies intended to attack Luthien. Here, finally, was the test of our trials and efforts. We would help the Draconis Combine defend its capital world.

"When the invaders arrived, however, the Com Guard forces were ordered to return to our base. Although we were allowed to protect the ComStar compound, we were not to engage the Clans. I sat for more than fourteen hours in my cockpit listening to the Kuritans fighting and dying. I listened to the arrival of the Kell Hounds and Dragoons. I sat and looked out over a seemingly peaceful city as thousands died just a few kilometers away.

"At the time I was furious. I even attempted to resign my commission, but Precentor Commander Brockton would not accept it. He finally placed me under house discipline to keep me from leaving. Three days later I was on a ship heading for a planet called Tukayyid.

"It all seems so ironic now. I was like a caged animal on that voyage. I wanted combat with the Clans so bad I was ready to fight my commanders to get it. Six months later I had seen enough battle to last most men a lifetime."

Rose held up his empty glass and waited silently as Carstairs refilled the drinks once more. He had tried unsuccessfully for months to forget the killing and battles on Tukayyid. He had refused to talk with anyone about the fighting and the killing; now he was practically telling his life story to a complete stranger.

Rose sighed deeply and rubbed his slightly numb face. Was the liquor making him talkative? It seemed like a good excuse, but Rose knew he had carried the grief around long enough. Unexpectedly, one of his few happy memories of his father leapt into mind.

The two had been walking back from the 'Mech bay late one night. Rose was barely ten, but already he loved to explore and play around the repair bay. On this night his father had discovered him among the servo motors along a bay wall, nearly inconsolable over some childhood disappointment. His father had simply taken him by the hand and begun to walk home. They went all the way in complete silence until they came finally to the front door of the house. At that point Cornelius Rose turned to his son and said, "When something is too bad to bear, tell someone that it hurts. When you do that, it passes your pain to them. All that will remain is the memory of the pain." Without another word, his father had opened the door and gone inside.

Maybe Carstairs was the perfect person to tell. A stranger whom Rose would never see again. Let him live with the deaths; he didn't seem to have any problems with the idea of human misery. A tap on the shoulder jolted Rose back to the present moment. Carstairs stood above him with an outstretched glass. Taking the offered drink, Rose made his decision and resumed his story.

"From the time the Clans landed, we were in almost constant combat. We were initially stationed in the Dinju Mountains, such beautiful country that it was hard to imagine fighting in it. Every view was like a holopicture."

"The battle began on May first. The Smoke Jaguars were the first to land, and other elements of our troops engaged them almost immediately upon their landing. Besides six 'Mechs, my command included tanks and infantry support, but once we arrived on Tukayyid the non-'Mech elements were reassigned as part of Precentor Martial Focht's plans. The overall redeployment made good strategic sense, but, tactically, it left us undermanned. We were used to fighting with combined arms and that hurt us at first.

"Six hours into the fighting, five of the Jaguars broke through the initial battle line, a trio of those damn fast Ryokenbacked by a pair of Vultures.We outnumbered them six to five and we had position on them, but they seemed to hold us in absolute contempt."

"Two of the Ryokencharged my Shootist,firing at extreme range. The pilots were excellent marksmen, but their large lasers didn't inflict enough damage to even breach my armor before we unloaded on them. Jenkins, in a Thug,and Hopper, piloting a Crab,added their PPCs and large lasers to my lasers. By the time the first Ryokenreached me, its armor was paper-thin, but still un-breached. I slammed a full clip of depleted uranium shells smack into its center torso as Jenkins and Hopper concentrated on the trailing Ryoken.Sparks began to fly and thick smoke began boiling out of the opening I'd created. Explosions rocked the machine as it continued its charge toward me. I was just about to fire again when the entire 'Mech disintegrated before my eyes. It was almost as though we'd severed the cords that held it together."

"I charged through the wreckage to add my firepower to that of Jenkins and Hopper. Emerging from the smoke of the Ryoken,I discovered Hopper had taken much of the Ryoken'sfire. Gouges crisscrossed his 'Mech where the Clan lasers had melted away his armor. I fired as I ran, taking the other Ryokenin the leg, but failing to divert its attention. Jenkins breached the armor near the right shoulder and set off a plume of blue-white smoke that usually marks the death of a heat sink, but the Clan 'Mech continued to fire exclusively at Hopper. We gutted that 'Mech and still it clawed its way toward Hopper's Crab.As Jenkins clubbed it to death with his 'Mech's stocky arms, the Ryokenfired a final time, severing the Crab'sleft arm."