“Enough.” I turned and walked away, leaving him standing alone and shocked. And I know he loved it. Much more than I did. He thought it was part of a game, a flirtation. But I knew that it was just my weirdly muddled feelings, and that made everything even more weirdly muddled.

I was glad to get out on the track. Coach Dunn just nodded to me as I started my set. I popped my earbuds in and ran to what I had downloaded the night before, a classical mix. But I realized my mistake pretty quickly. I thought no lyrics would mean less thinking. But running always started my thinking juices running, and the swells and washes of the music just let me plug my exact feeling and worries in. So much for my attempt at mind trickery.

I ran faster and harder, like I could outrun what worried me. It just wore me out. My muscles burned and my head ached, but I pushed past the stars that whizzed in front of my eyes.

By the time I finished, Coach Dunn was happy, I could barely breathe, and my stomach was churning. One more period, and I would be at Tech. One more period, and I would be sitting across from Jake for hours.

Running until sweat drips down your face isn’t the best thing for makeup or hair. I spent a long time in the locker room repairing what damage I had done and possibly avoiding Saxon. When I came out, the hall was cleared. Saxon was waiting.

“You look nice.” His voice was cold.

“I ruined my makeup running,” I explained. We started walking to the cafeteria. It would be the first time in months I had eaten at Frankford. Jake had been picking me up so we could eat lunch together at Tech. I liked his sweet, happy friends. I liked his hand on my thigh under the table. It wasn’t going to be anymore.

“Why are you all dolled up, Blix?” Saxon asked.

“What do you mean?” I asked carefully.

“I know the answer.” His mouth screwed into a tight little knot. “I just need to hear you say it. So I can come to grips with this bullshit.”

I stopped and looked right at him. “I got dressed up because I knew this day would be super shitty. And I wanted to look nice for me.”

He snorted. “Lying to yourself doesn’t change the truth, Bren.”

“That is the truth!” I insisted. It was. Partially.

“Your misery is contagious,” he griped.

“Then get away from me,” I said, my teeth gritted.

“I wish I could,” he snarled.

We marched to the lunchroom, moodily selecting food and coming to the table where Saxon reigned like some hot young lord. He turned it on for the rest of his entourage big time, and their jovial kindness extended to me, since he and I were linked. I was in no mood, and after a growl or two, everyone gave me a wide berth.

Finally the bell rang. I jumped up and started out, Saxon hot on my heels. “You don’t have to walk me,” I said hurriedly. “I’m going to be late if we talk. Where’s my bike?” I demanded.

“Back of my car. I came out and moved it after first,” Saxon said. “Get in. I’ll drive you to Tech.”

“No!” I panicked. I had this hope, this crazy hope that I was clinging to hard and fast. I hoped Jake would be waiting for me outside the squat little building, just like he had in that weird in-between time after we started flirting but before we’d been a couple. I wanted that possible moment all to myself.

“Get in.” His eyes were sharp.

“No!” I yelled, my panic made worse because I knew, I knewJake wouldn’t be there, waiting. What had I done? “Leave me alone!”

“No.” He grabbed my arms and then pulled me to him. “No way. I have to do this. Get in.”

So I got in, only because he was so determined that I didn’t know if I could sway him after all. And, in the end, I just needed to get there and get this over with.

We pulled up at VoTech, I searched the parking lot with a wild twitch of my eyes, and my stomach actually clenched hard. I could feel the cold slosh of whatever I had shoved in my mouth for lunch.

Jake wasn’t there.

He wasn’t there.

Chapter Thirteen

I started to climb out of the car, but Saxon grabbed my wrist. I twisted away from him, but he pulled harder and kissed me. For a second, I settled into the kiss and relaxed enough to breathe. Then Saxon ripped his mouth away, and said, “Get out. I’ll be here to pick you up. We both have practice after school.”

I was going to tell him no, but was too impatient to fight again. I ran into the school, down the dark, low hall and into class.

I had been wishing things would be just the way they had always been. I was a little scared that Jake had switched tables or even classes, and I thought about how that would have broken my heart. But my heart felt pretty thoroughly smashed looking at him, sitting exactly where he always sat, refusing to look up when I banged into the room. Every other person looked, even our jolly teacher.

I walked to our table, nervously, took out a sheet of paper and got sketching. I was glad to have something to do. Jake sketched too. Silently.

He was there, sitting right across from me, but he wasn’t there. Same shiny brown hair, overlong and sexily tousled. Same long lashes, same adorably crooked mouth, same faded t-shirt and jeans, same tanned, muscled arms. My body ached for him.

I sketched, but couldn’t keep my mind from remembering the way he tasted, how his body had cradled mine so many times, the sound of his voice at night on the phone, the way he drove and smiled and moaned. I wanted to apologize, wanted to ask him about our kiss and what it meant to him, but nothing came out.

He never looked up. Not once. When the bell rang, he was out of his seat and out the door before I could even put my things away. My eyes filled with tears, but I blinked and swallowed hard.

I had done this to myself. I totally deserved this.

I was walking to my next class when I saw him, a little more like the old Jake. He was laughing softly. He looked relaxed. I wanted to approach him. That’s when I saw that there was a reason he was so happy.

She had long bleach-blonde hair and green eyes. She was pretty, in an obvious-pretty way, I thought meanly. She was wearing one of those tiny babydoll shirts that crimps up under your armpits and leaves a sliver of belly an inch wide hanging out. It was pink and said ’Gucci Princess’ in silver letters. Didn’t he realize how ironic it was that she, a lower-middle class farm girl, would be wearing a shirt proclaiming herself the autocratic ruler of a brand she’d never be able to afford to wear on a regular basis except in the form of t-shirts that were basically cheap billboards? My heart pounded, and I couldn’t catch my breath.

She was tan, really tan, and when she reached up into her locker, I saw that her belly button was pierced and had some dangly silver thing, like a fishing lure, hanging off of it. Ugh.

That was who he wanted to date? I wanted to look away, but it was like a car wreck. My eyes were glued. Then he looked over her head, right at me. His look was so completely pissed off it made my heart thump. He looked back down at her and smiled that delicious smile that I knew so well. Then he pulled her to him and kissed her, hard and long. When he pulled away, she squealed and giggled, and Jake looked at me again, his eyes triumphant.

And there, in the crush of the hallway, I held up my middle finger like a middle school kid, and marched to my class.

The girl next to me gave me a sympathetic look when I sat down.

“I’m sorry you and Jake broke up,” she said, not sounding very sorry.

I wasn’t even sure of her name. “Thanks,” I said, my manners too automatic. I wanted to give her the finger, too.

“But, you know, Nikki has had a thing for him for like, forever. So, maybe it was like, fate,” she said sweetly/meanly.

“Hey, Kara?”

“Um, actually it’s Krista.” The girl backed down a little, I assumed because of the fury radiating from my face.