“That’s not what I want,” I rushed. “I want to be…don’t make me say it, Saxon.”

“You’re lucky you stopped short,” he chuckled. “No girl has ever uttered those words at me. Let’s go back to rival soul mates, alright?”

“Sounds good.” And I realized that it wouldn’t work in a way that would leave either one of us completely satisfied. It never would, and there was no point in trying.

“You know how to make one big ass production, Blix. Pneumonia? Next time tone down on the melodrama. Jake would have come back to you without all the theatrics.”

“Hardy har har,” I griped, but I let out a silent sigh of relief that we were joking a little again. “What are you doing for the rest of the day?”

“Nikki Devine is going to need some comfort and want some revenge. I’d say my bed will probably be full. Don’t fret over me, Brenna.”

“Saxon,” I begged. “That sounds like a shitty idea.”

“You had your chance.” His voice slid into sexy mode. “Don’t try to deny the other fine ladies a piece of me. It isn’t fair.”

I laughed a little, more to make things seem normal than because I actually found anything funny about his plans. “Good-bye, Saxon.”

“Until we meet again, Blix.”

The connection clicked off, and finally, peacefully, I drifted into the first contented sleep I’d had in weeks. I know I dreamed, and I know they were crazy, but I was completely happy when I woke up later and couldn’t remember a thing.

Chapter Seventeen

There was a new clawing need in my heart for Jake. Things had always been intense between us, but now that I’d almost lost him, I clung to every chance we had to see each other. Mom was absolutely against him visiting for the rest of the week, but by Wednesday, I couldn’t stand it anymore and begged her to let me go back to school.

“I’m fine,” I pleaded. “My appetite is back. I haven’t had a fever, haven’t coughed at all. I’m going to die of boredom if I have to stay home another day. Plus that, I’m falling behind in school. Please, Mom. Please?”

“Fine.” She narrowed her eyes at me. “But you are not riding to school on that bike, I don’t care if it’s seventy degrees tomorrow. So forget that.”

“Do you want me to take the bus?” I held my breath but didn’t go so far as to dare to hope.

I hated to use it against her, but her guilt over my sickness and breakup with Jake all bubbled to the surface and made her relent. “Jake can drive you for now.” She sighed and left me to do a private dance of happiness.

No one had ever been happier to wake up at the crack of dawn and get ready for school than I was that first morning back. Only a week had passed, but it felt like a month. I dressed, packed my backpack, ate breakfast, and brushed my teeth, all the while humming happily in my throat. When I heard the gravel crunch on the driveway, I practically flew out the door and into Jake’s waiting arms.

He pushed his face into my hair and squeezed me so tight I gasped.

“Where’s Mom?” He checked the windows, looking for her tell-tale curtain flutter.

“She had to leave early to prep for her classes.” I felt like I couldn’t get close enough to him. I jumped up and wrapped my legs around his waist. His hands cupped my butt and he nuzzled my neck.

“Let’s skip.” His eyes drank in my face. “I’ve wanted time, just the two of us. Things still feel so weird, Bren. I just need a day with you.”

“I can’t.” I let my feet drop back down to earth “I can’t miss today. I’ll fall too far behind in my classes. But maybe…”

He looked at me with eager interest.

“Um, maybe I could tell Mom that I was spending the night at Kelsie’s this weekend?” My heart hammered at the very thought of that lie. “But if you think your dad would find out or if you have work…”

Jake’s jaw hung open like it had come unhinged. “You want to stay the night? With me?”

I nodded.

He kissed me hard and whooped.

“You tell me what to do and I’m there. Don’t worry about my dad, don’t worry about work.”

We ran to the truck together, and our secret hummed through me all day.

Especially when I walked up to Sanotoni’s room. It felt like I was wearing a neon sign advertising the fact that Jake and I were about to spend a romantic night together behind my parents’ backs and despite the fact that I had been Saxon’s kind-of girlfriend just a little while before. Saxon hugged me wordlessly when I walked into government, which helped my guilt peak even more sharply.

“Hey.” I held onto him for a second longer than I needed. “It’s good to be back.”

“It’s good to have you back. You know, and not looking like the first victim of the zombie apocalypse.” He pulled back and narrowed his eyes at me. “You look like you’re up to no good.”

My face flushed. “No. I’m not. I don’t know why you’d say that. I’m not.” I stopped talking with a clip of my jaw.

He studied my face. “What would have you so flustered?” he wondered out loud. “It’s not drugs. It’s not rock and roll. That only leaves one alternative.”

My face flamed so hot, I was sure my hair would catch on fire. “It’s not that,” I hissed.

There was a flash of something painful in Saxon’s eyes, but it was gone so fast, I could have imagined it. “Well, maybe not sex. But I’m willing to bet my favorite bong and my best pair of handcuffs that it’s sex-ish. Am I right?”

“Stop,” I begged in a whisper.

“You don’t have to be such a prude, Bren. Especially around me.” His voice was hard and sharp as a knife’s blade, but he backed off and we spent the period doing completely mundane government work. It would have been totally fine, except for the glint of something raw and wild in his eyes once or twice when I caught him stealing a look at me.

I was relieved to get to crafts and away from Saxon’s knowing, judging eyes. Kelsie was more than happy to help when I asked her about Friday.

“Of course.” She paused in her weaving for a minute and looked me in the eye. “You do realize that you two are, like, meant to be? It was making me seriously depressed when you weren’t together.”

“It doesn’t feel real yet.” I slashed at the copper with a sharp tool and made odd, jagged lines that didn’t look nearly as cool as I thought they would. “We talk every night, and I’m so happy every time, but sometimes I wake up, and I’m not sure what happened. Like I wonder if it’s all still messed up.”

Kelsie’s fingers flew over the white string. “It all happened so damn fast. One week you two were practically married, the next you were in Paris and then with Saxon, and then you were sick. Now it’s all alright.” She plucked at her project. “You guys really need this night, just the two of you, just to reconnect and sort through things.”

I brushed my finger over the sharp edge of my copper sheet. “I know. I feel a little weird lying about the whole night. What if we get caught?”

“You won’t.” Kelsie winked at me. “It’s airtight. Anyway, you’re lying for a really good cause, so you just need to stop worrying about everything. Okay?” She nudged me with her foot under the table. “Okay?”

I nodded. “Okay.”

“Something else bothering you?”

I watched her fingers fly as she made the string into something gorgeous. “It’s Saxon. It’s…”

“Weird?” She raised her eyebrows.

“That’s a fairly massive understatement.” I twisted my hands together. “I know I brought this all on myself. I know that. It’s just, why the hell did I do it?”

Kelsie shrugged and laughed at the same time. “Because you were faced with two incredibly tempting guys and you’re a red-blooded woman?”

I wrinkled my nose at her. “If you’re ever around when my red-blooded woman-ness rears its very stupid head, please smack some serious sense into me.”

She crossed her heart. “Promise, sweetie.”

I managed to dodge Saxon during gym and text Jake to pick me up for lunch, which seemed the safer option until we made it into the cafeteria and Jake steered me away from our regular table and over into the corner.