“Of what?” I moved closer to him on the little bench.

“Of this idea I had that there was someone out there who really loved me. God, that sounds so fucking sappy. But my mom, whatever crap Saxon says, my mom loved me. She was just kind of irresponsible. And my step-dad stepped up, but he can’t love me, and I really don’t blame him. So I had this idea that my real father would give a shit about me. Which makes no sense, since he never even bothered to admit I existed.”

“So you want to meet him?” I put an arm around his waist. He put his arm around my shoulder, and I leaned my head on his chest.

“I did. Then I met you. And I realized that everyone gets dealt a hand, and mine has been parentally shitty. But I think that maybe my crappy family luck got balanced out, since I got you.” He kissed my forehead.

I don’t think anything anyone had ever said to me made me feel more loved in my entire life. “You think I’m what you got because your mom died?” I could feel the tears in my throat.

“No. I mean, I don’t think she had to die for me to get you. That would be insane. I’m saying that being with you helps me see that I don’t need to have perfect parents. No one gets it all.” His fingers trailed up and down my shoulder and arm.

Then I thought about my great parents and Jake. And even Saxon. I felt a jarring sucker punch of guilt.

It was like Jake knew what I was thinking. “Even you, Bren. Your real dad left you high and dry. But he made room for Thorsten, right? And who could be a better dad than he is?”

“That’s true.” I craned my neck to look at Jake.

“And I want to tell you, about the other girls, but don’t get pissed, okay?” I nodded wordlessly, and he took a deep breath. “They didn’t mean anything because they were just holding a place until you were there. But I didn’t have much, as far as affection went. So a body to sleep next to and someone to hold for a little bit was a big deal for me.”

I realized how he must have gone virtually untouched. No mother to hug or hold or be near. A step-father who was at best only resigned to his unfair fate as provider. Jake had been completely alone and those girls had offered him some comfort the only way he could get it.

I put both my arms around him, trying to make up for all of his lost opportunities. “I’m here. I’ll be with you.”

“I’m hoping you will.” He left a trail of kisses along my forehead.

“When did you figure it all out?” I squeezed him tighter.

He laughed a little. “Saxon tried to tell me a couple of times when we were younger. Once he got out this huge ass hunting knife.” He pulled his hand out and splayed his fingers out wide, pointing to the skin between his thumb and index finger. There was a long silvery scar there. “He sliced our hands up and said we were blood brothers one night when we were just kids. His dad, our dad, I guess, had just left and he was kind of a basket case. Anyway, we fell asleep and I went through his wallet. The picture of the three of them was in there. I knew because my mom had a picture of him, too. She showed me it before she died. So I knew.”

“Are you mad? Or upset?” I looked at his face, but, as usual, it was serene and happy.

“No way. I’m lucky.” He pulled me up and kissed me hard.

“Does Saxon know? That you know?” I whispered.

“No. But it makes it all easier. For me to get a grasp on. I mean, he’s my brother, right? So I can hate him and love him at the same time.” He rubbed his hand on my back in soothing little circles.

“I think he’d be happy if he knew you knew,” I said carefully.

Jake shrugged. “I’ll wait for him to tell me. Saxon’s got a lot of hang-ups. And now that you and I are back together, it’s gotta kill him a little.”

“I don’t want to come between you and Saxon.” I sat up and looked Jake in the eye. “You’re brothers.”

He laughed, that soft, low sound that I loved. “Bren, blood or not, you’ve been the best family I’ve ever had.”

I felt a lump in my throat. “But I screwed up, big time.”

“Well, I can’t really fault you.” He gave me an unreadable smile. “I mean, you have good taste. And these genes must be irresistible to you.”

I laughed a little. “Does it make it weirder for you? That Saxon’s your brother and he and I…”

“I don’t love it,” Jake cut in. “But, it makes it easier for me to understand what the hell you saw in his loser ass.” He paused. “I’m guessing it’s whatever you see in my loser ass.”

And we both laughed, and I finally felt good, light, and happy. We went back inside and danced more and ate and when Jake nudged me out way before the last dance, I was happy to follow. He had one of my mixes in the CD player in his truck, and it wasn’t long before he found somewhere to park. I unbuckled my seatbelt and slid over to his side, kissing him excitedly.

“You look really beautiful tonight,” he said between kisses. “Like Cinderella at the ball. No other girl looked half as pretty as you.”

“You look very hot yourself.” My fingers pried at his already loosened tie. I pulled it over his head and worked his buttons free. I put my hands on the hot skin of his chest, then right over his beating heart. I laid my hair-sprayed, stiffly curled head over that pounding heart. The heart that I protected.

He kissed my sticky hair, moved lower and kissed my forehead, kissed my cheeks, my mouth, my neck. My big blue dress seemed to fill the entire interior of the cab.

“I love this dress. I love that you wore something so pretty just to come out and dance with me.” He batted away some of the never-ending length of tulle.

“I love you.” My voice was thick with the emotion I felt. I loved him so much, my heart bucked in my chest.

Jake laid me down on the long, narrow bench seat and kissed every inch of skin that wasn’t covered with shimmering blue fabric. Since that didn’t include much of the top half, Jake moved down to the bottom section and kissed my ankles, bound in the silver straps of my shoes. He kissed along my calves, smooth from my extra vigilant pre-prom shave. He kissed up to my knees, which were strangely ticklish, then his head moved up farther, and I couldn’t see anything but misty swaths of blue tulle. He pulled his lips off of my inner thigh and said, “Are you okay?”

I could feel the blood hammering in my head, and I had to swallow hard before I answered. “Yes.” It was high-pitched and didn’t sound exactly like my voice.

“If you don’t want it…just tell me. Okay?” His voice was low and quiet.

Maybe it was all the cloth between us, but I didn’t feel nearly as nervous this time when Jake pulled my underwear down my hips, then over my knees, then around my shoes. His mouth was right at the inside of my thigh, right where the skin was soft and smooth and rarely ever touched. Then he kissed just a fraction higher. I sucked my breath in and felt my hips buck on their own, anticipating what was coming next. I bit my lip a little to contain all of the excitement that was bubbling in me.

“Are you okay?” he repeated, his voice calm and reassuring, a voice I could trust no matter what.

I told him I was, because as nervous as this made me, I was more curious about it, and I knew if there was one person on this earth I would be comfortable exploring my curiosity with, it was Jake Kelly.

“I’ve never done this,” Jake confessed suddenly, his face still obscured by all my dress.

“Never, um, gone down on a girl?” I felt my face pink just from saying it.

“Yes,” he said into the fabric. “I wanted…I wanted my first time to be with you.”

“That’s what I want, too.” I bit my bottom lip again as he rubbed his face against the inside of my leg, his breath hot on my thigh.

Then we stopped talking and his mouth was up higher than my inner thigh, and he kissed me where it seemed impossible that anyone would kiss and it felt incredibly better than I could have imagined, just his lips and me in this entire world. Everything we had ever done before had been just as perfect as I had imagined, but this was a different kind of excellent. I loved the way his mouth felt on me, warm and wet and insistent. His tongue drew along my skin and I wanted to scream out how good it felt. Then he licked quickly and I felt myself sinking into an oblivion that was only Jake’s mouth and my body, laid out in front of him and waiting for him to do whatever he was going to do next. My mind went fuzzy. For a minute the reality of the cool night and the cab of the truck and Jake Kelly and his mouth all rushed back and I almost snapped out of it, but his tongue moved slowly and my mind blurred.