“Hey, baby girl.”

“You feeling okay tonight?” I asked, knowing he would lie. I could see the pain etched in his face. Everyday he lived now was a struggle. And here I was about to tell him I was pregnant and unmarried. Could I do that to him? No. Could I let him die without knowing about the baby I carried inside me? One that would be his heritage? No. I looked back at Jeremy. Could I love him one day? Was love and friendship enough to be more?

“I’ve asked Eva to marry me,” Jeremy told my dad.

My dad’s eyes widened in surprise as he looked at me. “Eva?”

I jerked my gaze over to Jeremy. What was he doing? This was not what I’d agreed to.

“Baby girl, you gonna say something? ’Cause what I’m hearing don’t sound right.”

Daddy’s frown wrinkled his forehead and his pale skin seemed to have gone paler. This had been a bad idea. Telling him. I shouldn’t have brought it in there to him. I should have let him go to bed tonight.

“Eva, tell him,” Jeremy urged. I wanted to go slap my hand over his mouth. He needed to shut up. He’d already said too much.

I gazed down into my daddy’s weak eyes. The strong dark blue was now faded and pale like his skin. I couldn’t lie to him now. He’d know if I did. He would worry over what the truth was.

“I’m pregnant, Daddy.” The words came out on a sob.

Daddy didn’t look at Jeremy with judgment in his eyes. I had worried that he’d assume the baby was Jeremy’s. Instead he pulled me into his arms and held me. I let free the tears I’d been holding back as his large now feeble hands patted my back and tried to soothe me. I loved this man. He was my anchor in the world. He had been never left me. He had never turned from me. Even when I made him furious. Now here he lay sick and he was consoling me.

“It ain’t Jeremy’s baby though, is it?” he said with a tired voice. How had he known?

I couldn’t look at him. I shook my head that I still had buried in his chest. He no longer smelled like the outdoors and the spicy cologne he used to wear. I sobbed as the realization of how he smelled settled over me.

“Cage loved you. I saw it in his eyes.” He stopped, and the wheeze in his chest hurt me as he struggled to take a deep breath. “Don’t let your stubbornness tell you otherwise. You can choose not to love him back, but don’t you doubt that he loved you. ’Cause he mighta been a rascal and not one I’d have chosen for you, but he loved you with something fierce.” Daddy stopped and struggled with his breathing again. I wanted to breathe for him. Then he cupped my face in his trembling hand. “You always know that. And if you choose to marry Jeremy, he’s a good man and I know he loves you too. That’s your choice, but don’t keep a man from his child. Let Cage know about this baby. Even if you don’t choose him.”

Daddy let out a deep sigh and closed his eyes. “I need some sleep. Know I love you. And make sure that little girl knows how much I love her. I’d have spoiled her rotten if I’d been given the chance.”

Daddy’s rattle when he breathed had been going on for a couple days now. Tonight it just seemed worse.

“I need to get him to bed. He needs his medicine,” the nurse said, stepping back into the room. I nodded and pressed one more kiss to his head.

“I love you, Daddy. And I promise I’ll make sure she knows her grandaddy would have loved her.”

The nurse wheeled Daddy out of the room, and I stepped back and watched her take him to his bed.

“How does he know it’s a girl?” Jeremy asked from behind me.

I shrugged. “I don’t know what it is yet. I don’t have my ultrasound until next week.”

We stood there in silence for several minutes. “It’s gonna be a girl, isn’t it?” Jeremy asked. I knew he didn’t really want an answer.

“Probably,” I said with a sad smile before turning back to look at him.

He hadn’t pushed me or said anything about what Daddy had said about Cage. I wasn’t sure Cage would want to know. Daddy loved me and he thought everyone loved me. He believed they should love me. He didn’t know what Cage had done. I couldn’t tell him that. He didn’t need to know.

“If you really mean it… then my answer is, yes.” I said without thinking about it anymore. I wouldn’t marry him before Daddy passed away, but at least when daddy was gone he would leave this world knowing there was a man there that would help take care of me. It would ease his mind. And maybe… maybe I could love Jeremy as more than a dear friend too. Maybe he was right. Maybe over time things would change. But until they did change, there wouldn’t be a wedding. I couldn’t marry Jeremy unless I was in love with him.

Jeremy closed the distance between us and stopped right in front of me. “I mean it.”

*

The next week I found out that I was in fact having a little girl. I didn’t take Jeremy with me. I wasn’t ready for that yet. I had agreed to marry Jeremy, but my baby had a father. Before I could let Jeremy be a part of my baby’s life, I had to give her real father a chance to be a dad. If he wanted to take part in her life, then I’d let him. If he didn’t, then she’d have Jeremy. She would never feel unloved.

Telling Cage that I was pregnant was another thing. I just couldn’t deal with that right then. I wasn’t sure he’d even come home if I did. There was a good chance he wouldn’t answer my phone call. I couldn’t exactly leave this information in a voicemail or a text. But I would make sure he knew. Then he could decide what he wanted to do. Deep down I feared that he would do nothing. If that were the case, it may just break my heart all over again. If there was anything left to break.

*

Two weeks later my daddy passed away while I sat by his bed, holding his hand and singing to him the old church hymn “Amazing Grace.” It had been his last request.

CAGE

Having an off-season and no social life meant my GPA was higher than it had ever been. My coach was thrilled. Not only had I just replaced their star pitcher, but I had stellar grades. I wish I cared. Somehow I’d managed to function without feelings. I was a fucking robot.

I had skipped going home for Thanksgiving. Low had begged me to, but I couldn’t. I’d had Thanksgiving with Eva last year. Home for the Holidays wasn’t happening for me. Except when Low’s baby was born. I’d have to go home for that. But I wasn’t going to my apartment. I would stay in a fucking hotel.

My phone rang ten times before I finally gave in and answered it. Glancing down at the screen, I saw Low’s number flash. Either she was going to try to get me to come home at the last fucking minute for Thanksgiving or she was in labor.

“You okay?” I asked

“Yeah, this isn’t about me,” she replied.

“What is it then? ’Cause ten damn rings is a lot of ringing. You had to have called three times in a row, at least.”

Low took a deep breath and I sat up straight from my relaxed position on the sofa. “Eva’s daddy passed away. Jeremy called me from her phone. He knew she wouldn’t call me. Or you. He thought… We… You should know.”

I felt like someone had kicked me in the stomach. Damn. Right at Thanksgiving. She loved Thanksgiving. “How is she?” I asked. I knew nothing and that only hurt worse. I wanted to know. I wanted to know how she dealt with her dad slowly dying in front of her. Did she have a shoulder to cry on? Did she need me? Did she even think of me?

“Jeremy said she’d been prepared for it. They had a Hospice nurse at the house with them. She got to spend a lot of time with him in the end.”

“When’s the funeral?” I asked, standing up. She wouldn’t want to see me. But how could I not go? I’d let her deal with this all alone, but I had to go to the funeral. He’d been a good man. He’d given me a chance when no one else wanted to.

“Saturday. Eva wanted to wait until after Thanksgiving. It’s a closed casket.”

I had to go. Even if she didn’t want me there. I had to go. She may not want me there, but, dammit, I’d given her what she wanted and it wasn’t getting any easier. My life was nothing. Meant nothing.