to find him in bed with someone else. I’m pretty sure he planned it that way. He let me be the one to end the relationship so he wouldn’t have to. Me

barging in on him gave him one more reason to think his affairs were justified.

Even though I thought I was in love with these men at one time or another, I don’t think I truly ever was. There was always something missing -

that cosmic, soul mate connection; the feeling that the two parts make a whole.

I didn’t want someone who would have to force himself to love me or for me to pretend that I loved him back. I had always hoped that love would

be mutually instinctual and natural – as easy as breathing.

I turned the light out on my nightstand when I had enough of thinking about my past failures.

One thing was for sure: Ryan had resurrected that one part of my heart that still clung to the hope of love’s possibilities.

I was dreaming about my father and wondered why he wasn’t answering the phone. The telephone was on the table right next to his favorite

chair in the living room where he was sitting. Was he sleeping in his chair? Dad, answer the phone!

I opened my eyes to realize that it was my cell phone that was ringing.

“Hello?” I answered, my voice sounded rough from just waking.

“Were you still sleeping?” Ryan asked.

“Yeah. What time is it?” I looked to my nightstand for the clock. It was 8:42.

“Quarter to nine,” he muttered. “Do you want to go back to sleep?”

“No, that’s okay. How are you?” I hoped he was safe.

“I’m all right. Sorry I didn’t call you yesterday. I fell asleep in my trailer and I slept all the way until eight this morning. I thought you might have tried

calling me.”

“Oh, good. So you’re all right?” I questioned, sitting up in bed.

“Yeah. Why?” He sounded confused.

“There was something on the news last night about some girls getting arrested? I was so worried about you!” I couldn’t control the magnitude of

my concern.

“Why didn’t you call me then?” he asked.

I didn’t answer right away. I thought about what I was going to say. “Ryan, I don’t want to bother you. You have enough to deal with.”

“Huh. Taryn, you can call me anytime you want. Don’t ever feel like you’re bothering me. Just so you know, I turn my phone off when I’m filming,

but as soon as I see I missed your call I’ll call you back.”

I shook my head in silence. Every time I initiated the telephone calls with guys in the past, eventually they would make me feel like I was

pestering or smothering them. I had heard the words “I just need some space” mentioned before, and it was pretty much a guarantee that they

would end up running in the opposite direction after that. Ryan would be leaving soon enough; I didn’t want to give him one more reason to run

faster.

“Taryn, are you still there?” He sounded annoyed.

“Yes, I’m still here.”

“You didn’t answer my question,” he stated directly. “Are you afraid to call me?”

“I can’t,” I whispered. My reply was so truthful on many levels.

“What do you mean you can’t?”

“I don’t have your number.” I hoped my lie sounded convincing.

“You’re a bad liar, you know that? Good thing you’re not an actress, ‘cause you’d be out of work.” He chuckled. “My number has been on every

text I sent you. Huh, this is so strange. People I don’t want to talk to call me all the time but the one person I really want to hear from is afraid to call

me. The next time I see you, I’m going to program your phone. I may even put in my own ringtone just to irritate you.”

“Is that a threat or a promise?” I tried to lighten the conversation.

“Oh, that’s definitely a promise! Then you won’t have any excuses,” he snickered. “So let’s practice today, shall we? I have to work the entire

day. I’m scheduled to shoot until eleven o’clock but I have a dinner break around seven. I expect to hear my phone ring sometime between seven

and seven thirty. That gives you a half hour window of flexibility to call at your convenience. Now, answer this question truthfully. Do you still have my

text messages or did you delete them all?”

“No, I still have them.” I smiled.

“Then you, sweetheart, have no excuse… unless you just don’t want to talk to me? Shit, I didn’t consider that, but now that I’m thinking about it, I

guess I should ask. Do you want to see me or not?”

I want to see you more than you could ever imagine. I took a deep breath. Keep it light, Taryn.

“We’re friends, right? Why wouldn’t I want to see you?”

“Phew,” he breathed. “That’s a relief. Good, so um, what did the news report have to say about what happened on set?”

“The reporter said that the police had to remove a hundred or so fans from the set and two women were arrested. Apparently one of them

threatened Suzanne? Were you there when it happened?”

“Yeah, I was. We were shooting a scene on the beach but I was watching the playback reel when it happened. I heard someone yelling, but I had

headphones on so I didn’t hear what was said.”

“The news didn’t mention what was said either. Just that the one girl yelled some obscenities and threats at Suzanne. They showed footage of

the two girls that were arrested.”

“You’re kidding me?” Ryan groaned.

“I hope you have extra security on hand, because some of these fans are terrifying,” I urged. “Wanting pictures and autographs is one thing, but

death threats are completely another.”

“Yeah, I was told last night that there would be additional private security brought in while we’re here.” I could hear the anger enter into his tone.

There was a loud rap on his door. “Hang on,” I heard him shout out.

“Tar – I got to go. Are you going to call me tonight?”

“Yes. During your dinner break. I promise.”

I was too awake to try to go back to sleep. The sound of his voice had already stimulated my blood. I wandered out to the living room, sat down

at my desk, and turned my laptop on. I had to reconcile the cash register receipts and enter it into my log.

My e-mail was filled again with thirty new messages, mostly from Uncle Al, who recently got his first computer after fifty-five years. Between him

and a few other relatives, they were trying to corner the market on bad e-mail jokes.

There was one new message from Marie, with a tempting subject line: “Ryan in Seaside.”

“You should watch this. This is one of the best scenes from his movie. And since you haven’t seen it yet, you should at least know how good of

an actor he is. This is why all the girls want him.”

Inside was a link to a website to watch a video.s

My index finger hovered over my mouse. Do I want to see this or not? My finger had a mind of its own and it clicked the button.

The video loaded. Ryan was lurking around some dark hallways in what appeared to be a dismal castle. He had a large, silver gun in his hand

with one of those silencer attachments; his gun was raised and ready to fire. Suzanne was wearing some tattered clothes and she was pressed to

his side as they slid down the dark wall. It was apparent that he was protecting her.

“I think they’re all gone,” Ryan said. “Gwen, what were you thinking coming here?”

Suzanne gazed up seductively into his eyes.

“How can I protect you? Tell me!” Ryan begged urgently.

“Just love me Charles,” Suzanne whispered.

He pressed her against the wall and kissed her passionately. The vision of him kissing another woman made me wince. She pushed him back,

shoving him into the opposing wall while still kissing him.

Ryan’s kiss was hungry. “If you love me like you say you do, you’ll stay alive for me,” he breathed out.

It was hard to watch him like this. It wasn’t him… it wasn’t the same man who made toast for me or felt my forehead. I struggled with the thought