Clinically, or in general? Im pretty sure theres a yes in there somewhere no matter what I do.
Jo. He pulled me to a halt and turned me to face him. Im not kidding. His hand was tight around my arm, and his face was drawn and very serious. You cant do this. I cant let you do this. Im not going to lose you, and theres no part of this planif you want to call it thatthat doesnt end up with you dead. Its bad enough you want to go to the Oracles. Going to the Mother is suicide.
Were all dying, I said, and saw him flinch as I threw his words back at him. There wasnt any satisfaction in it. I have to try. You know I have to try. Youd do the same, in my place.
He let go of my arm and put his hands on my face, and for a breathtaking minute we stared into each others eyes, all barriers swept away. Two people poised on the edge of something awful, afraid and alone even with each other for comfort.
He hugged me close, stroking his fingers through my hair. When hed been Djinn, hed straightened my curlsa private sort of joke between us, a memory of a time when I hadnt battled that problem. Now, he couldnt wield that power, but it didnt matter. It soothed me in deep, primal ways, and I relaxed against him, feeling the deep rush of his breath in his chest, his heartbeat, his strength and love and commitment.
Then we go together, he murmured in my ear. The two of us. Together.
Tears suddenly welled up in my eyes. Id been prepared to go it alone, resigned to it; and yet, knowing he was with me . . . it made all the difference. I didnt know how to feel; relief and horror struggled for dominance. The horror was because I was dragging him with me into the mouth of the lion.
But I wasnt alone. And that mattered, in this moment, more than I could say.
We have fourteen hours, I said, and pulled back to wipe my eyes with the heel of one hand. Lets spend them doing something productive.
That put him back on firmer emotional ground. Im trying to think what that is, in your world. Shopping?
Jerk. No. Although not a bad ideaI could use a couple of outfits.
Interesting. His arms tightened around me, and the heat between us changed from comfort to something else. Something with its roots in a wilder place. So what would you consider productive?
I need to do laundry.
And?
That means I should take my clothes off. You know, to be sure I have everything clean.
I loved the smile he gave me, slow and sweet and hot. It wasnt a Djinn smile, not with the kind of hidden power that it had just a few days ago, but it was more purely him. The core of David that I loved so very much.
I can help with that, he said.
You mean, with the laundry.
Absolutely.
We walked back to the cabin with our arms around each other, savoring the hours, minutes, seconds together. If other people spoke to us, Im not sure either of us really paid attention.
As he was locking the cabin door behind us, David said, Be gentle, its my first time. I laughed, and then I understood. It was his first time with meand my first with him, in a very deep-seated way. Wed been together as Djinn and Warden, both of us bringing power into the relationship even if that hadnt been a deliberate plan.
This was different. Very different. This was just skin, and human emotion, and the kind of love shared by so many others. Which made it oddly precious and special, I realized.
We came together slowly, in a long and leisurely kiss. After the first few seconds I stopped thinking about what this wouldnt be, and began thinking of what it was. It felt sweet and intimate and passionate, and his mouth tasted different now. Human. Hard as it had been to see it, even his best imitation of mortality hadnt quite been completely honest. Hed unconsciously skewed it toward making it perfect.
And this was honest, and imperfect, and wonderful.
He broke the kiss and pulled in a deep breath, looking shaken. I had to laugh a little. What?
Its been a long time since I had reactions I couldnt fully control, he admitted.
Yeah? Scared?
A little.
I took pity on him, and kissed him lightly again on the lips. Me, too. Youre doing fine.
He was, indeed, doing fine already, gently undoing the buttons on my shirt and moving it aside, brushing his fingers over my bared skin, trailing them down to the waistband of my jeans in a suggestively delicious manner. I usually can tell if Im doing this right, he said in my ear. His warm breath made me shiver. Am I? Doing this right?
Oh yes. I caught my breath and arched against him as he slipped his fingers beneath the waistband. Hell yes.
He seemed completely fascinated from that moment on, forgetting his own odd awkwardness. Every action had a reaction, and for the first time, he was engaging every sense to understand me, read me, feel me. For two people whod been so closely, inextricably linked by our nerves, this was like making love blinddeliciously different, sweetly erotic, utterly human in ways that neither of us had anticipated. Mapping each others imperfect bodies, communicating in whispers and sighs and moans and thrusts that built to something brilliant and explosive for us both.
David collapsed against me, gasping for breath, shaking. Its the aetheric, he finally managed to say. Thats what it is. Thats what you feel. You touch the aetheric. I never knew. . . . He gulped in more air, eyes blind and bright, and then looked at me. Lets do that again.
Easy, tiger, I said, and cuddled up next to him. Take a breath. Itll still be there.
He put his arms around me, and I listened to the frenzied pounding of his heart slow down, his respiration subside. I felt warm and complete and deliciously relaxed. Youll still be here, he said, and kissed my forehead, my eyelids, my nose. Silly, sweet little kisses. He was just as giddy as I felt. Thats all that matters.
I was trying not to think about it, but the thought darkened my mind, just for a second: Tell that to the half a million people about to die.
But Id face that soon enough, and more.
And for now, I just wanted to be this, here, with him.
Sometime, hours later, I murmured sleepily, Oh crap, I forgot to do the laundry.
And he laughed.
And somehow, it was all okay, just for now.
Chapter Three
The Port of Miami looked weather-beaten but under repairs, and as far as I could tell, life was going on just fine. That seemed . . . odd. I stood at the rail and watched people strolling the boardwalks, coming in and out of shops with hands full of bright-colored bags, eating at outdoor cafes. It seemed so normal.
It didnt seem like the end of the world as we knew it. In the movies, everybodys looking up at the skies (conveniently, all at the same daylight hour, everywhere in the world, all at once) when the big disaster is coming. But in real life, people just carry on until the disasters in their face, and sometimes even after. Ive lost count of the number of people Ive personally fished out of flooded homes and businesses during hurricanes, for instanceand the ones that the Wardens couldnt save. All because they denied the ability of the world around them to destroy them.
There were potentially big losses of life brewing everywhere around the world, but so far they were just breaking news stories happening (for most people) somewhere else. Interesting and tragic, not personal and panic-bringing. Nothing to interrupt dinner at Pascals on Ponce over, for sure.
That would change, very soon. I knew it, even though I couldnt sense the aetheric disturbances anymore. Wardens were talking about it, and I could sense the suppressed anxiety in their voices.
This lovely day in Miami was the last we might ever see. I had a sudden, crazy impulse to start yelling like some wild-haired, sandwich-board-wearing street preacher, but I held my breath until it passed. Doomsaying wouldnt make anybodys day better. Or postpone the inevitable.