As usual, William is at the same table we always sit at when I walk in.  He’s surprised to see me on time. I smile at him, but put more effort into it than usual.  Maybe this won’t be so hard to do.  The look on his face tells me he’s happy to see me too.  He tells me I look beautiful as he kisses me on the cheek and gives me a warm, be it quick, embrace.  He’s a good man, I know he will make a good husband and father some day.

We order our drinks and William takes my hand on top of the table.  It’s a bit outside of his norm.  Public displays of affection aren’t something he prefers, which has always been just fine with me.  Softly, his thumb caresses the top of my hand.  I look at where our hands are joined and watch as his thumb strokes back and forth on the top of my hand.  It feels...what does it feel like?  Nice.  Comfortable.  What it doesn’t do is make my heart rate speed up.   And it definitely doesn’t make the little hairs on the back of my neck stand up at attention.

My phone buzzes and I excuse myself to look at it.  I lie that I’m waiting to hear from Regina about a call.  But I’m stalling.  Waiting for a sign on what the right decision is at the last minute of my self-imposed deadline.

I can’t stop thinking about you.  Nico.  My pulse quickens and I feel my palms start to sweat.  I finally realize that all the lists I’ve made didn’t help me decide because they’ve been about William and the problem isn’t with William.  It’s me.  I don’t feel what I should feel about him, no matter how hard I want to.

I set my phone aside and don’t respond to the text.  William reaches for my hand and I pull it back.  I force my eyes from the table and look up at William.  He sees what I’m thinking in my face.  He’s a good attorney, knows how to read people, especially me.  I finally stop stalling and make my decision.  Even if Nico isn’t the one for me, William isn’t either and I’m not being fair to him.

Twenty minutes later I’m back in my car.  Of course William was a perfect gentleman about it when I told him I couldn’t see him anymore.  I’m not sure if it just didn’t upset him or if he’s good at covering his emotions.  Either way, I’m wearing mine on my sleeve tonight.  I’m going to put myself out there emotionally for the first time in ages.  I’m scared, but excited at the same time.

In my car, I take out my phone to respond to Nico, but then put it away and decide to take a leap of faith.  The restaurant is only ten minutes from Nico’s place.   I drive with my head in a cloud, thinking about what I will say when I get there.  He can’t stop thinking about me.  I can’t stop thinking about him.  Where it will take me I’m unsure, but maybe I can really give it a try.   It’s the first time I even want to try.

I’m happy and excited the whole drive to his place.  But when I arrive, I’m suddenly nervous.  I think about sitting in my car for a few minutes and regaining my composure, but I know I’m stalling and if I give myself time to overthink it I’ll probably leave.  I’m doing this.  I walk briskly to the door and ring the bell and wait.  Long minutes pass and I’m just about to turn around and chicken out when the door opens.

“Did you forget your key?”  Nico is buttoning the top of his pants as he speaks and doesn’t look up right away.  His hair is wet and he has no shirt or shoes on.  I’m silent and I don’t move.  My feet are stuck to the ground as I take in his naked chest for the first time.

“Elle?”  Nico looks up and finds me standing there instead of whoever he was expecting.

I open my mouth to begin to speak, but a voice from behind me takes me by surprise.  A woman’s voice.  “Hey.”  I turn.  She’s beautiful.  The woman standing behind me is smiling and beautiful. My chest tightens and I feel a huge knot in my throat.  Then she turns to Nico.  “You going to just stand there, or are you going to be a gentleman and take the packages so I don’t drop one?”

Nico takes the bags and the woman turns to me.  “Sometimes you have to hit this one over the head to get him to snap out of it.”  She smiles and tilts her head to the side, assessing me.  “I’m Lily.”

Nausea overwhelms me.  I didn’t stop to think that Nico might have company when I decided to drop by unannounced.  I smile apologetically to the woman who is still smiling at me.  Oddly, she doesn’t seem bothered that a woman is standing at his door as she arrives with groceries in her arms.

Feeling the wind knocked out of me, I respond as loud as I can, but it still comes out as little more than a whisper.  “I’m sorry.  I should have called first.”  I look at Nico and then to Lily and quickly turn to go.  I’m embarrassed and I want to run home and throw up in privacy.

Before I can take my first step, Nico grabs my arm.  “Elle, wait.  Don’t go.”  He looks confused.  I want to shrink down and crawl in a hole somewhere.

“Elle?”  The woman asks and I must look at her as confused as Nico is looking at me.

I look back at Nico, at his hold on my arm, and back up to his face.  “Really, it’s fine.  I should have called.  I’m sorry I interrupted.”  I look at Lily apologetically and then back at Nico.

Something passes over Nico’s face.  A look of understanding and he smiles at me.  There’s a glint in his eye and he looks amused.  Suddenly, my embarrassment turns to pissed that he hasn’t released my arm and he finds my uncomfortableness amusing.

“Elle.”  Nico waits until I look up at him and he has my full attention before he continues.  “This is my sister-in-law Lily.  She was just dropping something off.”  He turns to Lily to speak.  “Goodbye, Lily.”

“I could stay for a little while.”  Lily offers and I hear her smile in her words even though I don’t turn to look at her.

Nico never takes his eyes off of me as he speaks to Lily.  “Bye, Lily.”

Lily giggles and turns to leave.  She takes a few steps but then turns back to say something.  “I’m going.  But you better bring her to next month’s dinner.”

Nico shakes his head and smiles at me as he steps aside.  “Come in.”

We walk through the dark gym and into the elevator that leads to his loft.  Nico reaches up to pull down the gate and I watch as the muscles in his back ripple as he extends his reach high.  Every inch of his back is defined and two large tattoos cover each shoulder blade.

After the gate reaches the floor Nico turns and catches me checking out his back.  There is heat in his eyes, it makes my breath catch the way he looks at me. He takes one step toward me and stops, but doesn’t turn around to face the front of the elevator.  He takes a second step, closing the distance between us almost completely. My instinct is to take a step back, to keep hold of my personal space, but I don’t.  I stand my ground and look up at him.  My heart is beating so loudly I’m sure he can hear it.

Nico slowly bends his head and buries his head close to my neck. Arms at his side, he doesn’t touch me, but he’s in my space.  He takes a deep inhale and I know that he’s taking in my scent. There’s something incredibly erotic about when he takes a deep breath in, as if he needs to absorb me into his every sense.  When he speaks, his voice is guttural and low, his hot breath lands on my neck and sends a shiver down my spine, straight through to the tips of my toes.  “You’re here.”

I look up at him.  “I am.”  My voice is soft, but I can tell by the smirk on his face that he hears me just fine.

“Does that mean not really is a no then?”  His face is serious now.

“Ask me again.”  I grin up at the handsome face that is towering over me, invading my personal space.

“Are you seeing anyone?”

“No.”  My response is assertive.

“Yes.  You are.”

I’m confused.  “I am?”

“I don’t share Elle.”

“Oh.”  Oh my.

My pulse races as he slowly lowers his head and brushes his lips against mine ever so softly.  The gentleness of his touch makes me want to pull him to me and slam my mouth into his so that I can be sure it really just happened.  But I don’t.  I’m too mesmerized by this man and want to see what he does next.