Feeling the knife slipping from my hands I let it fall to the counter. He didn’t say anything about going out last night when we talked earlier. I felt like I had just been punched in the heart. This fucking hurt.

“Mommy, are my strawberries ready?”

Sucking in a breath, I grabbed the bowl of strawberries and walked into the living room. Sitting down beside Gabe I handed him the bowl. “I guess that lady is Gage’s friend, baby,” I said fighting tears.

“I thought you were his friend,” Gabe said innocently.

I didn’t answer. I couldn’t. Pulling Gabe closer to me I kissed the top of his head. “After you eat your snack, it’s bedtime.”

Gabe took a big bite and smiled. God, I loved that smile. “Ok, mommy.”

Staring at the television as Gabe devoured his strawberries, a million thoughts ran through my head.

Why did he go out?

Who was the red head?

Did they have sex?

Why didn’t he tell me he went out?

How can I explain to Gabe why Gage won’t be around anymore?

Am I not good enough?

Pretty enough?

Is he not happy with our sex?

Why does this hurt so damn much?

Should I give him the chance to explain?

“Mommy? Are you going to open the door?” Gabe asked, pushing my arm.

“Huh?” I looked down at him, confused.

“The door, mommy. Some body is knocking. Maybe it’s Gage. I miss him.”

Scooting off the couch I shook my head. “Trust me, it’s not Gage. He’s still in New Orleans. He won’t be back until sometime in the morning.” Seeing Gabe’s face fall broke my heart. How am I going to tell him he won’t be seeing Gage ever again? UGH! Sometimes being a mommy was the hardest job in the world.

Looking through the window I saw him. Gage was standing on my front porch. What the fuck? Opening the door just enough to get out but so Gabe wouldn’t see Gage I shut the door behind me. Gage was instantly pushing his hands into my hair, pulling me too him. Just when his lips brushed mine I pushed him back. I crossed my arms, taking a defensive stance. “What do you want?” I asked. Letting my hurt and anger come out with my voice.

Gage frowned and asked, “No hello kiss?”

Pursing my lips, I put my hands on my hips. “I don’t have time for this Gage.”

“What the fuck is your problem?” Gage asked, confusion written all over his face.

“Not a damn thing. I just came to some realizations tonight while watching that entertaining interview of yours.”

Gage took a step back. “It was just some damn girl. I don’t know why you’re getting pissy about it. So what, I had a few drinks with some woman, I can do what the fuck I want. In case you forgot, we are not together. You were the one that told me you didn’t want a relationship, you weren’t ready. We are both free to do shit we want.”

“Go home, Gage. Fuck whoever, whenever. I’m done with your shit. I don’t need this. I know you did more than have a few drinks with that bitch. I know how you are. You need sex like I need fucking air. I’m not going to be your on-call bootycall. You can take your shit elsewhere.”

Gage narrowed his eyes and I could see his jaw ticking. A sign he was highly pissed. Good. “Stop being such a bossy, know it all bitch. We both agreed what this was. You can get pissed as fuck over something you think happened. That’s your problem, not mine.”

Throwing my hands up, exasperated, I yelled, “I don’t fucking think. I know what happened. It’s who you are, a man whore. And please, spare me the damn details. I don’t want to even think about your dick being shoved into someone else. I told you I’m done with your shit. I’m going inside to put my child to bed. When I come back downstairs, I don’t won’t you here.” Turning on my heal I opened the door and slammed it behind me, locking it.

“Who was it, mommy?” Gabe asked as he picked up his toy cars.

“It was no one important. Ready for bed, buddy?”

Gabe dropped his cars into the toys box and ran up the stairs. He really was my saving grace. My past may not be the best but my present and future are amazing, all because of that little boy. He changed my life and I will never be able to thank him enough.

Tucking Gabe into bed, I switched on his nightlight. “Sweet dreams, Gabriel. I love you.” I kissed his cheek and brushed the hair off his forehead.

“Don’t let the bed bugs bite, mommy. Love you.”

Laughing, I shut off the light. “Night, baby.” I shut his door and slowly walked down the stairs.

Going to the front window I looked out, a part of me hoping I would see him. Gage’s car was gone. He was gone. For the first time in years I felt empty and alone. I was used to feeling numb until I met Gage. He made me feel alive again. Now, I felt the weight on my chest and the burning in my eyes welling up. I knew he was trouble. I should have trusted my gut instinct and told him to go to hell. Instead I followed my heart and look where that got me. I was alone, again. But this time it hurt so much more.

Turning off the lights downstairs, I drug my feet up the stairs and into my room. Not bothering to change, I flopped onto my bed and let my tears go. Crying myself to sleep for the first time in years.

“Annie!” I heard Leigha calling my name from across the bar.

Trying to act like I couldn’t hear her I walked through the crowd toward the employee locker room. Once I reached the door I looked over my shoulder to see my best friend making her way straight for me. Damn.

“Annie! Wait, I need to talk to you. You have to tell me what’s going on. I need to know if I should tell Gage to fuck off, or if I should tell him you’re PMS’ing and you just need a few days.”

Opening the door I stepped inside, thankfully no one else was in there. Jerking my head in the ‘come on’ motion I said, “Hurry up.”

Leigha jogged into the room, closing the door behind her and locking it, making sure no one could get it. Turning to me she said, “What the hell happened with you and boss man? I left last night and everything was daisies and butterflies. Then, this morning he came stomping in here throwing shit around, pissed at the world. I asked him what was wrong and he told me I should talk to you. That you know everything and you’re perfect. Of course, I rolled my eyes and told him I already knew that. He huffed and shook his head then walked out the door. I looked out the window and saw him peeling outta this place. So could you please explain to me what the hell is goin’ on?”

Opening my locker I shoved my purse inside, slamming the door shut. Leaning on the locker, I rested my back on the cool metal. “Leigha, I’m a single mom of a five year old boy. I don’t have the time nor do I have the desire to play his damn games. Gabe is my only concern. I want him to have a father figure in his life but not someone as hot and cold as Gage is. When Gage is happy it’s all fairytales and sunshine but when he’s upset its nightmares and tornados. And there is no warning signs as to which Gage you’re going to get. I don’t want that around my son. He needs something stable and comfortable.”

Leigha sat down in one of the chairs in front of me. “Annie, you have been through a lot. You lost Derek before little man was born so you have done this all on your own. Your family was no help and Derek’s family wanted nothing to do with you or your son. I’ve seen the way Gage looks at you and Gabe. He loves you, both of you. Maybe it’s not all rainbows and butterflies all the time but no relationship is. Have you even told him that you’re falling in love with him?”

Shaking my head I said, “Hell no. It’s been three months. We’re not even together, together. I guess just friends with benefits kinda thing. He has told me a million times he doesn’t want a relationship. And I can understand that. We come from similar situations. He lost Londyn’s mom when she was just three months old. I’m afraid of getting in too deep again, losing it all, and getting hurt. I don’t want to feel that again. Even if that means I’m a single mom the rest of my life. Gabe is the only man I need in my life.”