“Oh fine, what the hell.” I start lifting my shoulders up and

down to the rhythm and Seth grins at me.

“That’s my girl,” he says and blows out a cloud of smoke with

his lips puckered out.

We both start doing this funny jiving thing with our hands

and Luke laughs as he cranks up the music. For a second I

transform myself into a dancer. When the chorus hits again we all

take a deep breath and belt out the lyrics at the top of our lungs. I raise my hands above my head and shut my eyes. It’ll be all right.

It’ll be all right. Kayden will be all right.

Because I’m here, dancing, smiling, and sitting between two

guys, and if that can happen, then anything’s possible.

Kayden

I’ve been in the clinic for a week now and today should be a

really good morning. Doug has informed me that I can have

visitors outside of family and that I can make a few phone calls

throughout the day. When he gives me time to make the phone

call, however, I get stuck on who to call. My first instinct is to call Callie, but I haven’t talked to her since it happened and I’m not

sure she wants to talk to me after finding me like that. The idea of

finding out scares the shit out of me. Besides, I’m trying to keep

my distance and protect her from me because the last thing she

needs is my instability and fucked-up head.

I dial Luke’s number and lean back in the bed, watching the

storm outside my window as the phone rings and rings.

“Kayden?” he says, sounding confounded. There’s an eighties

song playing in the background and I can hear a lot of giggling.

“What’s up?” It sounds so stupid after I say it. There’s a long

pause and then someone starts singing really loudly and really off

key. “Is that Seth in the background?”

“Yeah.” He hesitates again. “Are you okay?”

I flick the rubber band with my finger. It snaps back, hits my

wrist, and sends a sting through my arm. “Kind of… Why are you

with Seth?”

“Because… we’re in the truck.” He seems conflicted. “We’re

headed to Afton to see you actually.”

I snap the rubber band against my wrist a few more times,

but it’s not stilling the anxiety twisting inside me. “When you say

we you mean…”

“I mean, Seth, me and…” He trails off. “And Callie.”

The singing stops and so does the music.

“Who are you talking to?” Callie asks.

When I hear her voice I swear to God my heart stops. I clutch

at the chord and wrap it around my wrist until it’s tight and cuts

off the circulation. I stare outside at the slush on the ground and

the banks of snow around the mostly vacant parking lot.

“Umm…” Luke struggles for words.

“You can tell her,” I say, because if they’re headed here then

I’m going to have to face her soon.

“It’s Kayden,” he tells her and then it gets quiet.

“Oh…” She’s perplexed and I don’t blame her. “Can I… Can I

talk to him?”

“Hold on,” Luke says and then asks me, “You want to talk to

Callie?”

“I…” I never get to discover my answer, and it sucks because

I’m dying to know how I feel. My response would have revealed

the truth about my fear and how bad it’s going to be when she

gets here. But like always, my mother walks in just at the right

moment and steals everything away from me.

“We need to talk.” Her chin is tipped high like she’s better

than everyone in the building and she’s carrying around a duffel

bag on her shoulder. “Now.”

“I gotta go.” I hang up, knowing I’m being a pussy and

dodging my feelings. I unravel the cord from my hand and lean

back in my bed, putting my feet up on it. I’m wearing a pair of

plaid pajama bottoms and an old blue T-shirt that has holes in it.

I’ve worn the outfit five times since I’ve been here and it’s getting old.

She heaves the duffel bag onto the foot of the bed and then

positions her hands on her hips. “You need to work on getting

better and getting out of here. It’s making our family look bad.”

I carefully hunch forward, because moving too fast still hurts

my side. “And what do you suggest I do, mother, because the

doctors seem to think differently. They think I need to stay here

and heal.”

“I don’t give a shit what the doctors think.” She unzips the

bag with a tug. “What I care about is that you get dressed in some

normal clothes, get everyone thinking you feel better, and then

come home so we can start planning what we’re going to do if

Caleb Miller presses charges.”

“I could always plead mental insanity.” Sarcasm drips from

my voice. “Maybe they’d just keep me here instead of sending me

to jail.”

Her face flushes red and she shifts the handle of her purse

higher onto her shoulder. “You think this is funny? Maybe I should

have your father come down here and talk some sense into you.”

No matter how hard I try, I’m sent straight back to that place

where I’m lying on the floor bleeding to death and completely

ready to accept it. I rub my hand across my face and then say

through clenched teeth, “I’ll see what I can do.”

She smiles and it looks out of place, like she’s the evil villain

about to execute her evil plan. She kisses my cheek and I can smell

the wine on her breath. Then she moves back and rubs her thumb

across my cheek. “I got lipstick on you.” She pulls her hand away

and smiles again. “Let’s work on getting you out of here.” She pats

my leg and then walks out of the room, leaving the door open. I

hear her say something to one of the doctors and then a nurse

shuts the door.

I take a long-sleeve thermal shirt out of the bag, which is

filled with jeans, shirts, and socks, and slip it on over my head.

Then I reach for a pair of jeans, ready to put on my full costume

and go lie to the world, just like I’ve been doing my entire life.

Chapter 4

#67 Reunite with something you thought you lost

Callie

We arrive in Afton late at night when the moon is a

ginormous orb in the charcoaled sky and the blizzard is creating a

veil in front of the truck, making it hard to see. We would have

made it here by dinnertime, but Seth made us stop for lunch and

play in the playhouse at McDonald’s. But it was kind of all our

faults for getting so carried away and staying until we got in

trouble by the manager.

I think we were all avoiding something. But what that is, I’m