brother, and I get to play hide-and-go seek outside with the other

kids. I rip open paper and smile at my presents.

Lately in the dream, instead of making a wish for myself, I

make a wish for Kayden. I wish that he never met me and that he

never learned my secret. I wish that he never had any reason to

beat up Caleb and that he never ended up on the floor, bleeding

to death.

I wish for happiness in a world full of sorrow.

There’s always so much pain and I wish for all of it to be

gone.

Of course, wishes are just wishes, just hope for a speck of

light in a dark field.

When I analyze my wish for Kayden, I get terrified at what it

means. If I’m willing to take brokenness and shattering of my

childhood in exchange for the removal of his, then how deep are

my feelings for him? And am I ready to handle them?

I pause to think about what I wrote and I spot my mother

walking out the side door of the house as she tromps through the

snow toward the garage. I let go of the pen and it falls to the floor.

I glance over at Seth sleeping in the bed and then I panic, hop up,

grab my jacket and phone, and run out the door. She’s reaching

the top of the stairs when I shut the door.

“Oh good, you’re awake.” She hugs her arms around herself

and bounces up and down as she shivers.

I slip my arms through the sleeves of my jacket and flip my

hair over the collar. “Yeah, I was just getting ready to head inside.”

My mom glances out at the mountains and the sky is tinted

pink from the sunrise and reflects in her eyes. “You’re up early.”

Her brown hair blows in the breeze as she looks at me. Even

though it’s been only about a month since I’ve seen her, she’s

aged a lot, but that might be because she’s in her pajamas and her

hair and makeup aren’t done. “I don’t remember you being a fan

of getting up early.”

I shrug as I zip up the jacket and then pull the hood over my

head and hug my arms around myself and shiver. “I slept in the

truck during the drive over here,” I lie. “So I wasn’t very tired.”

She eyes me over with skepticism. “Who gave you a ride

here?”

I’m wary to answer. “Um, Luke.”

“Luke who?”

“Luke… Price.”

Her shoulders stiffen and she wraps her robe tighter around

herself. “Kayden’s friend?”

I nod. “Yeah.”

She thrums her fingers restlessly against her hips as she

clenches her jaw and stares at the door to the garage, trying to see

through the frosted window. “Callie, I don’t want you hanging

around Kayden.”

The wind decides to kick up and snowflakes sting my skin as

they swirl around us in a flurry. The wind howls against my

eardrums and the reflection of the daylight discomforts my eyes.

“Why?” I chatter, rocking my body to attempt to keep warm.

“Because I don’t want you having any association with

Kayden.” She looks at me and I see loathing in her eyes. Or maybe

it’s fear. “He’s obviously got a temper and even your father said he

was trouble when he was on the team.”

“I doubt dad said that,” I argue. “He always liked Kayden. And

besides, you talk to Kayden’s mother.”

“Not by choice.” There’s judgment in my mother’s eyes like

she’s blaming Maci Owens for Kayden’s mistake. If that’s the case,

would she blame herself if I told her what happened to me?

I hide my hands in my sleeves and tip my chin down into the

collar of my jacket. I’m wearing a pair of pajama bottoms and the

fabric is thin and the cold air easily trickles through. “Can we go

inside and talk about this? It’s cold.”

She glances at the door of the room above the garage again

and then redirects her attention to me. “Is your friend in there? The one who…” She lowers her voice and her eyelashes flutter against

the snowflakes gusting around us. “The one who likes guys?”

I sigh, turn sideways, and squeeze between her and the

railing without uttering an answer. Thankfully, she follows me and

Seth is off the hook. At least for now.

When I walk into the kitchen, that night smashes into my

chest, the night Jackson sat at the table eating pie and Caleb

tormented me with my secret. The night Kayden found out who

broke me. The night where he let me cry and then slipped out of

my life as effortlessly as if he were made of sand.

I walk over to the cupboard and take out a bowl and a box of

cereal. I set the bowl down on the counter and open the box as my

mom walks in, letting the cold air and snow in. She slams the door

and then slips off her boots beside the door and winds around the

table, heading across the kitchen toward me.

“I was going to make you breakfast.” She reaches for the

drawer above the oven that holds the pans.

I shake my head as I pour cereal into the bowl. “That’s okay.

I’m not hungry enough to eat a big breakfast.”

She drops her arm to her side and scans my tiny frame. “You

look like you’re losing weight again.”

I look down at my short legs and my petite waist hidden

under my pajamas. “I’m just stressed out.”

“Stressed out over what?” she asks. “About school? Or about

what happened with your friend?”

I can’t hold it in. It’s too much and it’s pissing me off. “Oh,

now he’s my friend, but back when you first found out, you were

so excited we were a couple. In fact, I think you told everyone in

the whole damn town.”

“Watch your language.” She reties her pink rob and gathers

her hair out of her face. “Callie Owens, you will not talk to me that way.” She turns around and extends her arm toward the cupboard

that holds all her prescription medication. “This is my house and

while you’re here you will follow my rules.”

I close the cereal box, stirring in my fury. “I’m eighteen years

old and I can be friends with whomever I want.”

She grabs one of the bigger bottles and slowly turns around

to face me with her hand over the lid. “Even ones who beat up

your brother’s best friend.”

I dig my nails into the granite countertops as the pain of the

last six years chokes my oxygen away. “That’s all you care about?

Caleb?” His name tastes toxic in my mouth.

She battles to unscrew the lid from the bottle, pressing the

bottom against her hand as she squeezes the lid with her fingers.

“Callie, Caleb has been part of this family since he was six years