considering everything?”

“No, but I’ve never been one for wise ideas,” he says. “I

believe in irrational, fleeting decisions that keep life interesting.

And life needs to be interesting because we’ve got only one of

them to live”

I smile and it almost feels real. “You are the most wise… I

mean, irrational, fleeting person I’ve ever met.”

He wraps his arms around me and embraces me in a tight

hug. I drop my clothes to the floor and hug him back. I don’t

cringe. I don’t panic. I just enjoy it. Because Seth is home. And I

hope one day Kayden will be too.

We hug for a while and then let each other go. I gather up

my clothes and head to the bathroom. “All right, let’s go get him,” I say, knowing it’s not going to be that easy.

Because reuniting with something you’ve lost rarely is,

especially when you’re not sure who exactly you’re reuniting with.

Chapter 5

#41 Eat a lot of pancakes

Kayden

My mom came to pick me up the next morning, just like she

promised. They stopped giving me my meds so I feel drained and

piercing on the inside, like shards of glass are roaming through my

bloodstream.

“Are you ready to go home?” she asks as she enters my

room. There’s something in her tone I don’t like, a warning maybe

of what waits for me at home.

There’s an instant where I think about telling Doug what

really happened. At least I’d finally be getting it off my chest. But then I think of what that means—of what I’ll have to admit and

face. Every punch, every kick, a childhood packed with torturous

memories. I’ll have to feel it and I don’t have a knife or razor to

turn it off.

“Yeah,” I finally answer as I fold up a pair of jeans and put

them in the bag.

She looks relieved and horrified. “Good.”

She spends a few minutes chatting with the doctor near the

doorway, collecting the papers they give her with a mildly tolerant

look on her face. I gather the last of my stuff from the dresser

drawer beside my bed. My stitches are out, but there’s still some

pain when I twist my midsection, although the doctors assure me

that I’ll make a full recovery eventually and will probably be able to play football again next season.

I can’t even look that far ahead, because I have no idea what

lies before me. Felony charges? My dad? College? Callie? Maybe

nothing.

I zip my bag up and swing it over my shoulder, deciding not

to think about my future for now. All I need to focus on is getting

out the door and then my attention can go to making it to the car.

My mom and the doctors have disappeared so I head out, unsure

where I’m supposed to go.

Fate takes matters into its own hands, though. I’m halfway

across the room when fate steps into the room in the form of a

short, tiny little thing with big blue eyes and brown hair. She looks smaller than the last time I saw her. Her waist is a little thinner, and she has dark circles under her eyes like she hasn’t been sleeping

very well.

“Callie,” I say, dropping my bag to the floor.

She fidgets with her fingers, wringing them in front of her,

looking upset as she takes in the bandage on my wrist. “Hi,” she

says in her tiny voice as she meets my eyes. Her hair is pulled up

and pieces of it frame her face.

I can’t help it. I smile like a stupid idiot, but then I quickly

frown. “You shouldn’t be here.”

She sucks in a sharp breath. “Seth and Luke and I decided to

come pick you up… I thought Luke told you on the phone that we

were coming.”

“Yeah… but it still doesn’t mean you should be here.” I know

I sound harsh, but I can’t help it. I honestly didn’t really think she’d show up and now that she has… I hate letting her see me in this

kind of place.

Her eyes widen like I’ve slapped her and I feel like the

biggest douche. She takes a step toward me and I ball my hands

into fists to stop myself from touching her, running my fingers

through her hair, kissing her lips. “Luke and Seth think we should

go on a road trip.”

“A road trip?” I say in disbelief. “Right now?”

She shrugs, like she has no clue what to do or say. I opt to let

her off the hook, because she doesn’t need to be standing in a

facility staring at a guy who nearly cut himself to death and who

let his father almost beat him to death.

“Look, Callie.” I pick up my bag and swing the handle over

my shoulder. “I can’t go on a road trip with you.” I feel the

throbbing beneath the bandage and I focus on that, instead of the

glossiness in her eyes and her quivering bottom lip. “I can’t really

do anything with you right now. “ I step toward her and then inch

around to the side. “I’ll talk to you later, okay?”

It’s the stupidest thing that’s ever left my lips, but it needs to

be done. She deserves better than the broken piece of shit that I

am.

Callie

I’m standing outside the door to his room, fidgeting

nervously as I wait to go inside and see Kayden. His mom’s in the

room with him and I don’t want to go in until she leaves. I’m not

sure what to say or if there’s anything I can say when I get inside.

There’s no magical word that will make it easier, and it’s terrifying.

The hallway is packed with people and chatter, and the chaos

is disconcerting and adds fire to my jittery nerves. I’ve been writing for days in my journal about what I would say to him when I first

see him. I’m glad you’re okay. I’m sorry. Thank you. The last

thought I always feel guilty about, but I can’t get it out of my head.

“You look like you’re going to throw up, Callie.” Seth’s voice

interrupts my thoughts. He’s standing across the hallway, beside

Luke, with his arms folded behind him as he eyes me worriedly.

“Do we need to get you a bucket or something?”

I shake my head. “No, I’m fine. Besides, where would you find

a bucket?”

The corners of his lips tug upward and in three long strides

he crosses the hall and stops in front of me. “You know he’s okay,

right? He’s still Kayden, just a banged-up one who probably needs

you now more than anything.”

“Yeah, I guess.” I fold my arms over my chest and then

uncross them, unable to hold still.

He swings his arm around me and pulls me in for a hug. “Just

take deep breaths and breathe.”

I nod and suck air through my nose and let it out between

my lips just like he instructed. But as the door swings open, my