I smear the butter all over the pancakes and it makes a mess

with the syrup. “I just didn’t approach him like a skittish cat. I threw the road trip idea out there way too quickly and he freaked out. At

least I think that’s what happened.”

“So he just decided to go home to his mother and father.”

Seth lowers his hands down from the back of the booth and rests

his elbows on top of the table. “Why would he do that?”

I divide the half-eaten stack of pancakes as I prop my elbow

onto the table and rest my chin in my hand. “Maybe he’s not ready

to admit the truth aloud yet.”

“Are we speaking about you or him now?”

“I’m not sure.”

I continue to demolish my pancakes with my fork, trying to

figure out what could be going through Kayden’s head. If his dad

did it to him then maybe fear, but why would that make him afraid

of me? I think about the bandage on his wrist and the rubber

bands.

I drop the knife onto the table. “Seth, why would someone

have rubber bands on their wrist?”

He shrugs as the waitress walks up to the table with the bill.

He takes it from her and she smiles at him.

“Thanks for coming in.” She coils a strand of her blonde hair

around her finger as she chomps on her gum and tries to dazzle

him. “I hope you’ll come back.”

Seth shakes his head as he reaches his hand into his pocket

to get his wallet. “As much as I loved the pancakes, I probably

won’t be coming back.” It’s his attempt to politely turn the waitress down.

She pouts out her lip and takes the bill and Seth’s credit card

when he offers it to her. “Well, okay then.” She pierces me with a

death glare, and then stomps off in her bubblegum-pink pumps

and matching waitress uniform.

“You know, I’m starting to wonder about the female sex,”

Seth remarks as he sets his wallet down on the table. “Always

looking for love in the wrong places.”

“Am I included on that list?” I sip my orange juice and then

place the empty glass back on the table.

He rolls his eyes like it’s the most ridiculous thing he’s ever

heard. “Absolutely not, darling. You just need a better way to

approach it.” He fiddles with his watch, twisting it around and

around as he watches the time. “Why did you ask that question

about the rubber bands?”

I circle my fingers around my wrist and rotate my arm.

“Because Kayden had a whole bunch on his wrist.”

Seth thrums his fingers on the table and then his brow knits.

He retrieves his phone from his pocket and runs his finger along

the screen before typing something in.

“What are you doing?” I ask, reaching for my purse.

He holds up a finger as he taps the screen. “Just a sec.”

I take out a few dollar bills and lay them on the table for a

tip, then drop my wallet back to my purse. I eye the waitress over

at the counter who’s whispering something to another waitress.

They both glance over and glare at me like I’m the devil.

“I think they think I’m your girlfriend,” I say, slumping down

in the chair.

Seth glances at them, then shrugs and starts reading the

screen again. “Then it was really wrong of her to hit on me.”

“I guess so.” I direct my attention to the flurry of snow

outside. It’s everywhere, white and crisp and completely innocent

looking as it shines under the sun. It’s a false innocence though,

because the icy roads here have caused many accidents and taken

many lives.

Seth slaps his hand down on the table and the ice in the

glass shakes as I jump, startled. “I knew it sounded familiar,” he

mutters. Shaking his head, he puts his phone down on the table. “I

know what the rubber bands are for.”

“What?” I sit up in my seat.

He reaches across the table and takes my hand in his. “It’s a

form of treatment used on cutters and people who self-mutilate.”

I already knew that Kayden might have hurt himself, but now

it seems real. I slip my hand out of Seth’s and fold my arms over

my stomach as I curl inward. “I don’t feel good.”

“Callie, it’ll be okay,” he reassures me and seeks my hand

again.

I recoil, shaking my head as I get to my feet. I feel the vile

burn in my stomach and it aches like a forming bruise. “I need to

use the restroom.” Before he can respond, I get up and run across

the café, bumping into one of the waitresses on my way there. I

knock her tray out of her hand and feel bad, but I don’t have time

to apologize.

As I run passed the counter, where Luke is sitting, I hear him

call out, “Callie… what’s wrong?”

I don’t respond. I need to get it out. Now. I need to get rid of

the vile feeling in the pit of my stomach.

I slam my hand against the door and fling it open. I run to

the nearest stall and collapse to my knees. I start to shove my

finger down my throat, when suddenly I see Kayden lying on the

floor. Helpless. He needs help. He needs someone who can help

him. It hits me hard, like a kick to the stomach, what I need to do.

Maybe I can change that wish I’m always dreaming about, the one

where I erase everything that happened to me on my twelfth

birthday. I might not be able to take away Kayden’s past pain, but

maybe I can help with his future pain. I just need to be strong. I

move my finger out from my mouth and it’s one of the hardest

things I’ve ever had to do. I’m shaking and sweating as I sit back

and lean against the wall, letting my head fall back. Then I just sit there. Not feeling better, but knowing it’s for the best.

Chapter 6

#35 Walk, don’t run

Callie

Seth and I have been spending a lot of time at the café,

partly because Seth thinks we need to eat pancakes all the time

and partly because we’re avoiding eating breakfast at my house as

a result of my mother and Seth’s first meeting. It was nothing but

awkward right from the very beginning.

“It’s nice to meet you, Seth.” My mom stuck her hand out

and Seth politely shook it. She was wearing a white apron over a

floral dress, looking very 1960-ish. The kitchen smelled like

cinnamon and the pans hissed on top of the oven.

“It’s nice to meet you too.” Seth let go of her hand and took

in the excessive amount of Christmas lights strung around the top

of the walls and the Santa and reindeer figurines all over the

shelves and counters. “You like to decorate, huh?”