“But how do you forget what happened?” I wonder,

smoothing the wrinkles out of the dress with my hand. “How do

you not think about it?”

He gives me a small smile and sets his hands on my

shoulders, looking directly into my eyes with a fire of

determination. “You don’t forget. You just move past it. Let go. Be

who you were supposed to be instead of who they make you feel

like you should be.”

“But how do I divide the two of them,” I say, letting my hands

fall to my side. “Because sometimes I feel like they mix. Like right

now. It feels wrong how I’m dressed, but I don’t know if it’s

because I’m associating the dress with what happened or because I

just don’t like dresses.”

The corner of his mouth tips up and then he kisses my

forehead. “Wear it and find out.”

He backs away from me and walks over to his bag that’s on

the twin bed. He pulls out a bottle of cologne, takes the cap off,

and douses his shirt in it. I head over to my bag and quickly skim

the letter I wrote to Kayden. I’m still unsure of what it revealed and I’m debating if I should run away from it or embrace it. Maybe it’s

time to face the inevitable.

“Oh, I forgot to ask.” He clicks the cap back on the cologne.

“What did you wear underneath that dress?”

I bite down on my lip, battling my embarrassment because I

did wear the black lacy panties he made me buy. “Nothing.”

“Oh, you decided to go commando?” he says with a devious

grin. “That’s even better.”

I let my lip pop free and a smile sneaks through. “You know

that’s not what I meant.”

“I know.” He winks at me. “But it was funny.” He chucks the

cologne back into his bag. “Are you ready to do this?”

I glance at the mirror, noting the vastness in my eyes—they

take up my entire face. Sure, I trusted Kayden to see all of me, but

I’m uncertain about the world, because it’s big and scary and

always shifting. One minute it feels like home and the next, distant

and unfamiliar.

I submit though and Seth opens the door for me. My knees

wobble as I amble out into the kitchen where Luke and Kayden are

laughing about something at the table. There’s a tall bottle filled

with a brownish liquid sitting on the table. When I step closer I

realize it’s a bottle of Jack Daniels. There’s also a lit cigarette in Luke’s hand and smoke is filling the air.

I halt in the doorway, watching how Kayden’s eyes light up

every time he says something. I wonder if he’s drunk because he’s

gone from sad to happy in a matter of a couple hours. There’s a

huge smile on his face and his eyes are a little glazed over.

“Drinking already?” Seth rubs his hands together, looking

eager as he swings around me, bumping into my shoulder. I grab

hold of the countertop to catch myself and then step to the side so

I’m slightly hidden behind the counters.

Kayden’s eyes brighten when he sees me and I know right

then and there that he’s buzzed. “Yep, we thought we’d get started

early,” Kayden says to Seth as he picks up the bottle and hands it

to him. His eyes lock on me and I’m thrown back to all the fun

moments we had together, the ones that leave me hope even

though things look grim right now.

He smiles as he pushes up from the table, the legs on the

chair scraping against the tile. He takes long uneven strides as he

curves around the table and Seth steals his seat.

Kayden’s hair is styled and flips up around his ears. He has

on a dark gray shirt and a pair of loose-fitting jeans that hang at

his hips. He’s also put a few leather bands on his wrists to try and

cover up the bandage on it and his face is clean-shaven, which

makes me worry because that means he had to use a razor.

“Hey,” he says as he crosses the kitchen in long strides and

winds around to the cupboard area.

“Hey,” I reply, rotating around, so I’m facing him and my

back is pressed into the edge of the counter. I give a fleeting

glance at his arms, checking for fresh wounds. Everything looks

great, except I can’t see underneath the bandage.

He abruptly stops and his forehead creases as his eyes lazily

scroll up my body, lingering for a moment on my chest before

resting on my eyes. “I don’t think I’ve ever seen you wear a dress.”

I shake my head with my elbows bent and my fingers

gripping the counter. “That’s because I haven’t. Not for a long time

anyway.”

His gaze is relentless and makes me grow fidgety. Finally, his

eyes lock on mine and even through the subdued sea of alcohol, I

see the real Kayden still lives on the inside. “You look beautiful.”

“Thank you,” I say quietly and tuck a few strands of my hair

behind my ear. “I think—”

His lips come crashing down on mine and I suck in a deep

breath through my nose as my legs start to give out. His warm

tongue enters my mouth and he tastes like Jack and smells like

cigarette smoke. His hand grabs my waist and he holds my weight

up as our bodies crush together. He angles us back, our legs

entwining, and my heart knocks in my chest. The edge of the

counter jabs at my back, but I don’t care. All I care about is him.

My hands slip up his strong arms and knot through his hair.

In the back of my mind, a rational voice is screaming at me to stop,

because he’s drunk and confused and I need to stop it.

“What are you doing?” I slant my head back a little. “I

thought you needed us to be friends.”

“I do,” he assures me, sounding choked up and then his lips

touch mine. I’m trying to pull away, yet at the same time I’m

pulling him to me. I’m conflicted. Muddled. I’m a terrible person.

His long fingers spread around my hips and his fingers dig

into my skin as he picks me up and sets me down on the

countertop. My head bangs against the cupboard as his hands

move around to the front of my thighs and he splays my legs

open. Moving between them, his fingers sliding farther up my legs

until his thumbs are grazing the sensitive inner section. For a

moment, I forget where I am and who I am and open up my legs

wider, allowing him to get closer.

“Um, I hate to break this up.” Seth’s voice slaps me back to

reality and I instantly jerk away, panting and slamming my head

against the cupboard again. “As much as I love you guys, I’d rather

not see how far this is going to go. You guys should probably save

the groping for later, when you’re alone.”

Kayden rests his head against my shoulder, breathing

abundantly, and his body is tense under my hands. “Sorry,” he

whispers to my collarbone and then he’s pulling away, leaving me