“Neither am I,” he said softly.

“I feel… terrible for even thinking this, but I just don’t know.” I squeezed my eyes shut, partially ashamed. “But after I saw those dead servants in the Catskills, I just can’t be a part of this.”

There was a pause. “I see what you’re saying.”

“There’s a but, isn’t there?”

“No. There’s not.” Aiden squeezed my hand. “I know becoming the Apollyon isn’t something you want, but you will be in the position to change things, Alex. There are pures who will listen to you. And there are some who want things to change. If this is something you feel strongly about, then you should do what you can.”

“It doesn’t mean I’d be shirking my duties as a Sentinel?” My voice sounded tiny. “Because the world needs Sentinels and Guards, and the daimons—they kill indiscriminately. I can’t just—”

“You can do what you want.” Sincerity rang in his tone, and I wanted to believe him, but that wasn’t the case. Even as the Apollyon, I was still a half-blood and I couldn’t do what I wanted. “And it’s not shirking your duty,” he said. “Changing the lives of hundreds of half-bloods will do more than hunting daimons.”

“You think so?”

“I know so.”

A little bit of the pressure eased and I yawned. “What if someone sees us?”

“Don’t worry about it.” He brushed my hair back over my shoulder. “Marcus knows I’m here.”

I doubted that Marcus knew Aiden was in my bed. Maybe all of this was a dream, I decided. But my lips still tingled from the brief kiss. I wanted to ask him why he was here, like this. It didn’t make sense, but I didn’t want to kill the warmth between us with questions rooted in logic. Sometimes logic was just overrated.

Slowly, I pried my eyes opened and blinked. The dusky rays of early morning sunlight filtered through the blinds. Little dots of dust floated in the stream of light. A heavy arm lay over my stomach and a leg was thrown over mine, as if he’d wanted to make sure I couldn’t escape while he slept.

Not that a god could make me move from this bed or his arms.

I delighted in the feel of him pressed against my side, the way his breath stirred the hair at my temple. Last night hadn’t been a weird dream. Or if it had been, I wasn’t sure I wanted to wake up. Maybe he hadn’t been afraid of me running off when he slept. Perhaps he’d hungered for my closeness the way I sought his.

My heart rate picked up even though I hadn’t moved. Lying here, staring at the tiny particles of dust, I wondered how many times I’d dreamt of falling asleep and waking up in Aiden’s arms. A hundred or more? Definitely more. My throat tightened. It didn’t seem right that I’d be teased like this, given a taste of what a future with Aiden could be like, something I could never have.

An ache filled my chest. Being in his arms like this hurt, but there wasn’t an ounce of regret. In the silence of the early morning, I admitted that there was no getting over Aiden. No matter what happened from here on out, my heart would remain his. He could settle down with a pure and I could go leave this island forever and it wouldn’t matter. Against all odds and common sense, Aiden had slipped under my skin, wrapped himself around my heart and embedded himself into my bones. He was a part of me and…

All of me—my heart and my soul—would always belong to him.

And I was foolish to believe otherwise, to even entertain a different scenario. I thought of Seth then and that ache in my chest spread, turned inward and burned like a daimon tag. Whatever I had going on with Seth wasn’t fair to him. If he truly cared for me, he expected to have some kind of hold on my heart and feelings.

Careful not to disturb Aiden, I reached down to the hand that rested on my hip and spread my hand over his. I’d remember this morning forever, no matter how short or long forever turned out to be.

“Alex?” Sleep roughened Aiden’s voice.

“Hey.” My smile was watery.

Aiden stirred beside me, lifting up on one arm. He didn’t speak as he turned his hand over and clasped mine. His silvery gaze moved over my face and he smiled at me, but it never reached his eyes. “It’ll be okay,” he said. “I promise you.”

I hoped so. Telly would’ve left by now, without me. I bet he was ticked. There was no way of knowing what he’d do now. And if anything happened to any of them, it was on my head. I rolled onto my side, but the position was a little uncomfortable since Aiden still held onto my hand.

“You hate this—this not doing anything when you feel responsible for what’s happened.”

I sighed. “I amresponsible for this.”

“Alex, you did it to save your life. This isn’t your fault,” he said. “You understand that, right?”

“Do you know if Telly has left?” I asked instead of answering.

“I don’t know, but I assume so. Before I came here last night, Linard had said he hadn’t left the main island since he was at the Covenant.”

“You guys have been watching him, too?”

“We needed to make sure he wasn’t up to anything. The Guards who serve Lucian who remained behind have been an asset. Telly has been watched so closely I know he had steamed lobster for dinner last night.”

I frowned. Last night I’d had a cold-cut sub. “You all should start your own spy business.”

Aiden chuckled. “Maybe in a different life, and if I got cool gadgets out of it.”

I cracked a smile. “The 007 type of gadgets?”

“He has this BMW R1200 C motorcycle in Tomorrow Never Dies” he said, sounding wistful. “Man, that bike was sweet.”

“Never seen it—the movie.”

“What? That’s sad. We’ll have to fix that.”

I rolled over. The smile Aiden wore now reached his eyes, turning them a soft heather gray. “I have no desire to watch a James Bond movie.”

His eyes narrowed. “What?”

“Nope. Those movies sound boring to me. So do Clint Eastwood movies. Yawn.”

“I don’t think we can be friends any longer.”

I laughed and his smile spread. Those dimples appeared, and oh man, it’d been so long since I’d seen them. It felt like forever. “You don’t smile enough.”

Aiden arched a brow. “You don’t laugh enough.”

There hadn’t been much to laugh about recently, but I didn’t want to focus on that stuff. Aiden would leave soon and all of this was like a fantasy. One I wasn’t ready to let go of just yet. We stayed like that for a little while, talking and holding hands. When the time did come to face reality, Aiden climbed out of the bed and went into the bathroom. I lay there with a goofy grin on my face.

This morning had been full of opposites: sadness and happiness, desperation and hope. All of those varying emotions should’ve left me exhausted, but I felt ready to go… running or something.

And I never felt ready to go running.

A knock at the door drew me from my thoughts.

“That’s probably Leon,” Aiden said from behind the bathroom door. The rest of what he said was drowned out by a rush of water in the sink.

Groaning, I got out of bed and pulled my sweater around me. The clock in the living room said it was only thirty minutes past seven. I rolled my eyes. Second day of winter break and I was out of bed before eight in the morning. There was something cosmically wrong with that.

“Coming!” I yelled when he knocked again. I opened the door. “Good morning, sunshine.”

It was Linard who stood in the hall, his hands clasped behind his back. His eyes drifted over my head, scanning the room. “Where’s Aiden?”

“In the bathroom.” I stepped aside, letting him in. “Did Telly leave?”

“Yes. He left just at dawn.” Linard turned to me, smiling. “He waited, like he offered, but you did not come.”

“I bet he was pissed.”

“No. I think he was more… disappointed than anything.”