"Assassination and sabotage," Narf-win-Getag growled.

"—including assassination and sabotage," Schroeder granted, "the auf-Getag clan emerged victorious in the race for the crown. As the defeated clan, the win-Getag clan experienced a massive loss of status and station, which is why Narf here is now Ambassador to Earth and not to the CC itself.

"Now, here's a funny wrinkle. In a situation where there's no heir to the throne and a clan is selected to ascend, that clan creates a coronation process, which must be performed exactly in order for subsequent heirs to take the throne. If the heir doesn't perform the coronation process exactly, the throne is open again, and then one of two things happens. First comes an interval period of about five days, in which the first clan to successfully replicate the coronation process can claim the throne. If no clan manages that, then it's back to a free-for-all with all the clans fighting it out. You with me so far?"

"I'm following you," Phipps said. "But I don't see what this has to do with anything."

"I'm getting there," Schroeder said. "And trust me, this is the short form of the story."

"Fine," Phipps said.

"Now," Schroeder said. "Because of the Nidu traditions, the coronation ceremony usually involves something specific to the clan in power, which other clans can't get. Traditionally, this involves objects or secret texts, but when the auf-Getag clan came to power it decided to do something different."

A light clicked on. "The sheep," Phipps said.

"The sheep," Schroeder agreed. "A gift of the Earth government as a way to curry favor with the ascendant auf-Getag clan, along with a computer network designed for Nidu's new ruler, to streamline his grip on power. The computer network is just a network, but the ownership of the sheep belongs to the auf-Getag clan and its royal family exclusively. No member of any other clan can possess the sheep on pain of death and disenfranchisement. What's more, the coronation calls for a live sheep, since the coronation ceremony requires both the DNA of the sheep and a measurement of the brain activity. This helps to make sure no clan shows up with a jug of sheep blood for a coronation ceremony."

"But if someone kills off the sheep, then the coronation ceremony can't go off," Phipps said. "And the Nidu throne is thrown open."

"You got it," Schroeder said.

Phipps looked over at win-Getag. "You're making a play for the throne."

"I am," Narf-win-Getag said.

"Then all this concern about finding the sheep was all just a ploy," Phipps said.

"Not a ploy," Narf-win-Getag said. "I'm the ambassador to my government. My government wants to find the sheep. I simply knew the search wouldn't be fruitful."

"Except it was," Phipps countered. "They found the girl."

"Ah, yes, the girl," Narf-win-Getag said. "And suddenly things became much more interesting. I've been planning—my clan has been planning, I should say—to ascend the throne for decades, biding our time, gathering allies for when the Fehen died and the throne could be brought into play. We knew other clans were doing the same, of course. It was not clear whether we'd be able to ascend, particularly given our unfairly-wrought low status. But suddenly here is a sheep who is also a human—and who is therefore not the property of the auf-Getag family. Someone who offers a quick, clean way to the throne."

"But you're suing to make her the property of Nidu," Phipps said. "Ben Javna's going to court tomorrow to fight the case."

"The property of the Nidu government, not of the auf-Getag clan," Narf-win-Getag said. "Clans have no standing in Common Confederation courts. The auf-Getag clan is hoping that the woman is found before the ceremony needs to be performed, while the government and the auf-Getag clan are one and the same. But if she is not, then any clan could use her to complete the coronation ceremony. If they had her."

"And you have her," Phipps said.

"No," Schroeder said. "This Creek fellow keeps getting her away from us. We know they've gone off planet and we know they left from the DC area. From there it's a process of elimination. There were only so many ships that left last night."

"And what are you going to do with when you find her?" Phipps said.

"Take her," Narf-win-Getag said. "Hide her. Then use her. And if I can't do that, then kill her. Would you like another drink?"

"No thank you," Phipps said.

"Jean?" Narf-win-Getag said.

"Nothing for me," Schroeder said. "But please, Narf, help yourself." Narf-win-Getag nodded and got up; Schroeder turned his attention back to Phipps. "Now you see why we can't let you have her, Dave," he said. "We have our own plans for her."

"No matter what those plans do to the Earth," Phipps said.

"The Earth is going to be fine," Schroeder said. "Its government less so, but that's no great loss. You should know that the government of the Earth is damned no matter what. If the auf-Getag keep the throne, they're going to believe the government of the Earth actively worked to bring their downfall. That's bad news. It'll probably mean a war. If the win-Getag take the throne, they're going to remember that the government of the Earth supported their enemies in their bid for the throne once upon a time. That's also bad news. It will also probably mean a war. The difference here is that if the win-Getag are on the throne, they will be the ones to name an administrator for Earth and her colonies after the hostilities have ceased."

"You," Phipps said.

"Me," Schroeder said. "And what a political masterstroke it will be for the new Nidu government to name as Earths administrator someone with such a long and colorful history of enmity with the Nidu. It'll reassure the citizens of Earth that their government will stand up for their interests. It'll reassure the CC that the Nidu are fair and just conquerors. Everybody gets something."

"Except that in being conquered, the Earth would lose her independent status, her right to her colonies, and her right to be represented in the Common Confederation," Phipps said.

"Details, details," Schroeder said. "Yes. The Earth will lose her representation and the administration of her colonies. But it's only a temporary loss. Narf has assured me that he has no interest in our real estate or in telling us what to do. He can hardly stand humans as it is."

"Present company excepted, of course," Narf-win-Getag said, from the bar.

"So we'll be back to independent status within a decade," Schroeder said. "Mind you, it could go faster if I had help in my administration. Such as yours."

Phipps blinked. "Are you trying to bribe me?" he said.

"No, Dave," Schroeder sighed. "I've already been bribing you. Now I'm trying to buy you outright. A lot of the really good positions have already been filled by my staff over at the American Institute for Colonization, I'm afraid. But I could see my way to letting you run some portion of the globe. I hear New Zealand is nice."

"Listen to you," Phipps said. "You've traded away your birthright for a mess of porridge. You're running a group that's meant to help the Earth and her colonies prosper, not become subjugated by an alien race. I can't even imagine what your father would say to you."

"Well, first, I'm not selling my birthright for porridge, I'm selling it to run the entire fucking planet," Schroeder said, "and that seems like a pretty good deal to me. Second, it was my father and the Nidu ambassador Naj-win-Getag who got the ball rolling on this project forty years ago, so I would imagine he'd be thrilled."

"I don't understand," Phipps said.

"You think something like this happens overnight?" Schroeder said. "Yes, the part with the girl is all improvisation. But everything else about planning to take the throne of Nidu has taken decades. My father was uniquely suited to help the win-Getag clan. He was Earths first Representative to the CC, for God's sake. He knew everyone and everyone knew him. The AIC was the perfect vehicle for Dad to further the goal, to influence generations of Washington hall-crawlers and create an anti-Nidu sentiment that masked his actual agenda of bringing the win-Getag clan to the throne. It worked. It still works, even in the Webster administration. How do you think your boss got his job, Dave? It was one of Dad's last chess moves before he died."