Say Magda, “Excuse, but request Cuba no profligate gossips.” Say, “Assume comrade Cuba assigned member seat.”

Say cat sister, “Sit down, yourself.” Remaining eye at telephone, say, “Honey, this isn’t just any gossip.” Say, “This here’s global world politics!”

Lady delegate Zaire fingers toy blond cornrows hair, trickle laugh to display healthy teeth, extend long smooth muscle of neck.

Projecting own voice most tone sorrow loaded bitter contrition, this agent say, “As official empowered representative for the citizen peoples of the United States…” Say, “As first duty, compelled before this august body of nations to apologize…” Remain fellow nations kissing. Nations keyboarding instant massage. Nations plugged with music into both own ears.

Hands of operative me remove ten-gallons head cover, clasp between both hands, hug to own chest, and say, “This American nation duly recognizes itself as the evil tyrant source of all world misery, the most selfish ignorant superpower…”

Lady delegate Romania cup hand behind own ear, wave other hand so to silent fellow delegate. Gentleman delegate Poland pluck music plugs out own ears so able listen.

Enlarged loud through microphone, amplified voice of operative me say, “United States consist of merely 4.6 percent the world total population yet consume over 75 percent global energy resources.”

Gentleman delegate Czech Republic cease fondling coconuts of lady delegate Haiti.

Operative Magda make small parade so mount stage, stance at behind shoulder of operative me, breathe whisper at ear of this agent, say, “Utmost crucial to initiate dialogue, comrade.”

During assembly chamber gaining quiet, voice of operative me remain loud, lips of operative me tilted so make contact metal mesh surface of microphone, voice amplified loud, say, “Fellow momentous delegates, request assembly buttocks attain appropriate locations.”

Voice say, shout, male voice, “Fuck you, Uncle Sam!”

Stance below podium, delegate draped folds of sleeping fabric sheets, pattern with many smiling animal, silly animal clutching floated balloon, sheet draped to form toga, stance at foot of stage delegate masked behind video camera. From face eclipsed with camera, male voice muffled, say, “I’m shooting a video called Nations Gone Wild” Toga delegate lower camera to display face. Revealed as pig dog host brother, head wreathed artificial foliage laurel colored glittery metallic gold.

Pig dog delegate say, “Guyana just flashed her rack for me!” Say, “For a banana republic, she’s totally awesome!”

Stance at elbow, Magda clutch “Property of Jesus” tunic, give tug, say, “Demand grant attention, comrade.”

Pig dog delegate say, “Pygmy, little man, pass some declaration making this session clothing-optional.” Say, “I gotta nail some footage of Ethiopia.” Say, “That little vixen is smokin’ hot!”

Distant perimeter assembly chamber, delegate vixen exchanging saliva with tongue muscle Palestine. Both nation locked mutual clutch so hands vanished within blouse and trouser of other.

Gentleman delegate Jamaica distribute cakes baked, odoriferous wealth chocolate pieces, fragments walnut and hashish.

Delegate Algiers arrive transport on person elaborate hookah crafted brass metal, reservoir water sloshing, trailing plethora octopus arms tipped brass mouthpiece. Algiers instant swarmed many delegate cramming octopus arm inserted mouth, sucking bubble through water during Algiers ignite brazier. Spiral corrupt smoke out brazier, out exhaled delegate lungs, stinking reek Cannabis sativa.

Operative Magda fill breath into ear of this agent, say, “Most top priority must communicate…” Push shoulder this agent using freshly expanded party pillows, blouse bunnies, rib cushions.

Pig dog mount camera to own face, say muffled behind lens, say, “Yo, Canada!” Say, delving returned depth of crowd, pulled by camera focus into delegate mix, while vanish, say, “Jiggle me those bodacious northern hemispheres!”

Amplified voice of operative me, announce against din telephone ding, bubble hookah, flurry voice, slap hand delegate Sudan impacting face cheek delegate Jordan, eruption laughter, burst scream, this agent announce against fog cannabis smoke, say, “Present this today for discuss topics of global important.” Continue say, “Must address increase temperature atmosphere, enlarged ozone hole, decimation Amazon forest, must stem extinction giant panda, halt religion persecution, nuclear proliferation, sexual disease pandemic.”

Hemline lifted delegate appareled burka, below hemline revealed clear-yellow body hair legs. Burka flap so display paramilitary combat boot issued desert operations, male size fourteen double-E laced so girdle such dense leg fur.

Fellow delegate merely continue chatter, grope, eat hashish cake. Delegate Russia slide stealth hand within own tunic, hand emerge around bottle sloshing clear liquid vodka. Fellow delegate clamber as infant bird, all head tilted backward, teeth yawned open at roof while Russia splash vodka down each swallowing throat.

From foot of operative me, this agent extract boy of cows boot, swing boot to batter podium, heel pound lectern so microphone transmit as great sound boom. Over speakers, deafening boom. Splitting ear boom. Crashing boot heel, boom sound, boom sound, boom, until general assembly no able communicate among delegates.

Boot boom until floor assembly chamber silent.

Until Magda whisper retreat. No tug tunic.

Until voice of operative me stand alone.

As representing vast pile United States, this delegate announce apology. Announce immense regret how American nation contain merely 3.6 percent total world population, however consume 95 percent total world energy resources. Express sorrow how seven from every ten American citizen suffer morbidly obese, blind plus amputated of every arm and leg. Vent remorse over wealth American economy constructed atop backbone African slaves. Genocide native peoples. Exploitation ethnic immigrants. Subjugation female citizens and sacrifice conscripted males into slaughter of imperialist warfare.

As speaking for vast American citizens, this delegate announce motion to sanction United States. Announce this nation to immediately cease exporting degenerate mass culture. Immediately disband constituted states, from current now create result fifty petty fiefdoms. Nation of Montana. Nation of Arizona. Nation of Florida. Fifty battling insect kingdoms.

In continuing, announce to forgive all overseas debt. Additional to pay sanctions amounting to all hoarded gold money Fort Knox toward gaining affection of esteemed third-world nations. Plus to make available own cherished American children, ship overseas as lifelong chattel slaves, gesture shown of goodwill.

Floor of general assembly silent, reek only vodka, cannabis smoke. Listening ear.

Expressing much vitriol, this delegate proclaim former United States to summarily execute by slow torture—bloodletting or cooked alive atop bonfire—all existent own leaders, present and former, on every levels. From vile corrupt federal president to evil puppet maid of parking meters. All to be tortured before corpses dragged through public street and head mounted pointed pike.

Next now, panting declarations of operative me, moment required pause to draw another next inhale; at that silence, Magda interject.

Perhaps microphone adjusted too loud. Perhaps assembly so quiet. Magda voice only whisper, but explode so reverberate every corner of chamber. Magda say, “Insist hear, comrade…”

Broadcast so resonate throughout all delegate, Magda voice say, “I am big with child…”

Delegate Argentina, delegate Japan, delegate Myanmar retaining cannabis smoke locked in lung, exhaust smoke into bursting guffaw. Next now, whole entire chamber filled guffaw. Flood guffaw upon guffaw, great waves buffeting stage. Stink breath of ridicule eroding operative Magda, laughter consuming operative me.