Begins here fifteenth account of operative me, agent number 67, seated subterranean chamber designated purpose family Cedar observe television viewing appliance. Subdivided community residences border major metropolitan area XXXXXX. Date XXXXXX. Recumbent aboard large upholstered bench crowded many cushions, accompanied host pig dog brother so analyze documentary video recorded during resolution Model United Nations. Evade numerous telephone contacts American television network program XXXXXX.

For official record, drooling jackals of American news media pacing outer perimeter this residence. Outdoors swarm many journalist hyenas, equipped camera, capable ruthless satellite broadcast. Hovering parasitic vultures. Patience relentless pack buzzard.

Pig dog brother review variety news images current distributed. Scrolling different evil network affiliate, all display weeping citizen subsequent Model United Nations. Show corpse dead delegate Brazil, covered white fabric, fabric stained red. Revealed as Brazil merely reason towering headdress rainbow parrot feather sprout beyond one edge white shroud.

Within head of operative me, quote enlightened prophet, regal martyr Richard Nixon, say, “When news is concerned, nobody in the press is a friend—they are all enemies.”

For official record, additional reside aboard bench cushions vast breathing cow, host father. Twitching chicken, host mother. Dual host parent unconscious splayed wide limbs spread, neck muscles lolling heads loose until rest own shoulders, lips loose, trickling long ropes translucent saliva. Unconscious, breathing prolonged liquid inhales, loud sputtering exhales.

Host brother hard elbow sleeping father, cram aside so cushions able accommodate brother and this agent. Pig dog brother keyboarding buttons layer surface small silver-color box. Point small end of box direction television appliance, continue keyboarding. Nothing occur. Glass face television viewing appliance become dark, no issue image. Continue dark.

Host brother invert silver box, finger open tiny latch so expose small gold-color cylinders. Pry cylinders free, say, “Thanks Mom …” Small cylinders pinched between thumb with index finger, brother shake near touching shut eyes of host mother. Shaking cylinder in chicken mother asleep face, host brother say, “Thanks for leaving us your dead batteries.”

Then now, make small parade to arrive sleeping chamber, where, normal today, host father sleep atop mother. Pig dog brother bend knee so able reach arms below mattress host parents. During kneel, penetrate both arm deep below mattress, extract wide, flat box. Plastic box molded of vivid color blue, stenciled images vivid red, vivid yellow, and color orange. Image striped tiger animals so leap to fly through ring-shaped inferno. Other image, male appareled decadent Western formal wear, coat of tails and tall hat, flogging whip at nothing. Other images classic comic figure featuring white paint on face, comic red nose, ludicrous oversize apparel. Comic figures tossing spheres in circle so all suspended.

Host brother fashion face of half smile, tap box with index finger, say, “This used to be my toy box”

Hands of brother manipulate latch, lift so top cover open on hinges, reveal interior cluttered numerous small missile, plethora diminutive bomb. By smooth appearance, colors pink, yellow, white, probable cast plastic or latex rubber. Some missile ribbed many flutes. Missile chased with bands many bumps. Some bomb short mortar shell, boasting wide girth. Other bomb stretched long, carbine slender. Hands host brother select long missile, artillery shell, gripping by both end, nose and tail, twist same missile two opposite direction. Pig dog twist until seam hidden at midpoint missile, seam appear, widen to reveal threads. Two mated halves of missile twist until come separate. Brother shake one half so cylinders battery emerge out missile.

For official record, hands of operative me select missile, polish so pink plastic slippery to touch. Adhesive in small way to contact fingertips, in slight way surface of missile tacky of history dried moisture. Examining missile, this agent manipulate rotating dial at base. That same now, missile leap with life. Much animated so generate infinite tiny shivering so sudden hand of operative me release, drop quivering missile toward collection weapons, munitions. Feet of this agent lunge to flee before collected total all missile able detonate.

“Good job, Pygmy,” say host brother. “You found a live battery.” Brother lift shivering missile, twist until seam break, spill out battery. Quivering stop. Remaining hold missile, brother say, “This here’s my last year’s Christmas present to Mom.” With missile, indicate other antitank warhead in box, say, “My sister got her that one.” Indicate other missile, huge missile, same size vzor 99 Antos light mortar sourced the Czech Republic, say, “We both chipped in on that one the Mother’s Day before.”

All munitions mortar and cartridge issue strong odor female pudendum.

Brother assemble broken missile, secrete cylinder battery in trousers. Closing box of vivid blue plastic, say, “For my dad, we bought him a year’s premium membership in the Almost Underage Nympho Latinas Web site.” Pushing box so returned below mattress, say, “At least this ways we know they’re home…and not out looking for trouble.”

Make small parade returned to subterranean chamber of television appliance, location host father and mother remain no conscious. Where host brother penetrate silver box, small box surfaced with buttons, insert cylinders, heal hatch. Pig dog brother keyboard box. Television viewing appliance flash, appliance face illuminate image female youth, delegate of Guyana, hands gripping hemline own dashiki lifting so display attractive pair sweater meats. Delegate twist torso one side, then other side, repeat twist so cause adolescent blouse bunnies sway hypnotic motion.

Next now, television display delegate Trevor Stonefield discard burka. New now, head delegate Rwanda consume hashish cake, adorned necklace numerous human teeth, face cheek striped red color, yellow and blue war paints, next delegate head explode. Image paralyze at now when delegate dreams, fears, prejudices, adorations all emerging as pink bubble so burst out side of Caucasoid skull. Delegate mouth remain macerate hashish cake during own entire thinking machine escape.

Pointed silver box at television appliance, pig dog brother say, “Little Pygmy, this tape is my ticket to the big money.” Say, “You’re looking at a gold mine bigger than the Zapruder film.”

Same now, voice say, female voice emerge shadowed doorway, say, “Too bad you intercut with kiddie porn…” Voice revealed as face cat sister, face skin painted black, torso appareled black tunic and trouser. “No news outlet will run underage titties,” host sister say, “You’ll be lucky not to spend next year sharing a cell with some pedophile.”

Pig dog keyboard button so full skull delegate Rwanda vent as vast pink sneeze out ear canal. Keyboard button, and contents delegate accumulate, assemble, leap returned into skull, delegate repeat smiling, eating cake, shaking teeth necklace so dance over naked hypertrophied pectoral muscle. More keyboarding, delegate skull repeat explode. Assemble, explode. Assemble, explode. Advance, retreat. Advance, retreat.

“Stop it,” say cat sister. Host sister stoop to examine face unconscious host mother; utilizing finger sister lift eye cover skin of mother. Sister say, “Did you dope them?”

Keyboarding the skulls to explode, the fun bags bounce, host brother say, “All I got to do is cut the boobies.” Keyboarding small silver box, say, “At last count, you owe me sixteen roofies.”

Next now, cat sister extract small cylinder out own trouser, finger cylinder until one end blaze bright illuminated. Seizing eye cover skin open, host sister aim bright blaze so directed host mother exposed eyeball. There, host mother iris no expand or contract. Cat sister apply two own fingers pressed side mother neck, say, “Her pulse is weak and irregular, dickhead.” Bright blaze light begin fade, fainter, fail to dark. Host sister jerk cylinder two direction, finger switch only create no illumination. Say, “Thanks, Mom, for nabbing my flashlight batteries.”