I don't remember my dad at all. I understand he left us when I was very small.

My most vivid memories of Mom was her frustration, sadness and drunkenness.

My childhood memories were my being poor and being shamed and ostracised by the kids in school. I hated school but Mom said I had to go or she could be kicked off welfare. Almost all the money from the welfare check after rent of our shabby apartment went for whiskey for Mom. We got enough to eat from government food depots and missions.

I was taught to obey adults by spankings by Mom or the school principal for any dis-obedience.

I guess I was about twelve. I remember Mom saying we had to look for a bra for me the next time we went to Goodwill to get clothes.

Mr. Mills our landlord came to collect the rent. I had never seen him before because I had always been in school when he came. I knew where Mom kept the rent money so I gave it to him. He didn't leave right away. He looked at me a little strangely then told me to turn around slowly. Then he had me lift my skirt so he could see my legs. It didn't occur to me to refuse although I didn't understand his interest. Then he told me to raise it up to my waist. I was embarressed and refused because the only man who saw my panties was the principal when he spanked me with a ruler. He said, "Ah come on. I just want to see if your butt is as cute as it looks. I'll give you a dollar."

With a dollar I could get a hamburger and a coke so I decided that it wouldn't hurt anything and raised it up and held it around my stomach. He had me turn around again then he decided my panties were too loose to tell if my bottom was firm. Before I knew what was happening he pulled the back into the crack of my butt Leaving the cheeks bare. I blushed and dropped the skirt.

Then he said thoughtfully, "You could be pretty if you were fixed up. You have a really cute butt. Come along with me and we will get you some decent clothes."

I thought we would be going to goodwill but he took me to a real department store. I was really excited to see all the pretty things. He had the lady at the store measure me for size then he bought a cute dress, shoes, stockings, and some tiny panties. I was thrilled!

When we came out of the store he said, "We will have to clean you up before you can wear those new clothes. Don't you ever take a bath?"

I was embarressed because I knew I was dirty but I explained that we had no hot water and it was too cold to wash anything but my face, hands. and feet.

"I didn't know that. Why didn't your mom complain?"

"I guess she doesn't care much. She didn't take baths too often when we had hot water."

"Well if you are a good girl. I will fix it."

He drove on then said, "Since you don't have hot water we will stop at my place."

He lived in a house! I had never been in a house. He saw I was impressed and showed me around. It had a living room, a dining room, a big kitchen, two bedrooms, and a large tiled bathroom. It made our one room apartment seem just tiny. Now that I look back I realized that it was still in a bad neighborhood only five blocks from our apartment but it was grand to me.

When we got to the bathroom he just pulled my dress over my head and pulled down my panties then turned on the faucets to adjust the temperture of the water filling the tub. He finally got it right and sat on the toilet to look at me. I had backed up to the door and was holding one arm over my breasts and my hand over my crotch.

"Why are you covering up like that?"

I am embarressed. Mom said I shouldn't be naked. She spanked me when I was playing with just my panties on when I was smaller."

"There is nothing wrong with being naked. Wait here I'll show you."

He had me move out of the way and went out the door. He came back in a minute with two magazines. They had lots of pictures of pretty naked girls all smiling. After I had looked at a few he said, "See if you are pretty there is nothing wrong with it. You should only hide when you are ugly."

By then the tub was full and he had me get into it. He began to wash me with a sweet smelling soap. I said I could do it but he said he wanted to make sure I was really clean. I blushed again when he washed between my butt cheeks and on my pussy but it felt too good to complain.

He had me sit in the tub then washed my hair. Then he just turned on the hot water a trickle to keep the water warm. He dried and combed out my hair before he had me stand up and get out. Then he dried me with real soft towels even between my cheeks and spreading the lips of my pussy to dab at the pink parts. I was in heaven, No-one had ever paid any attention to me before and he made me proud by telling me every time he dried a part of me that it was beautiful.

Then he took me into the bedroom where he had left my new clothes. He had me lie on my back on the bed then said. "If you want to get big and beautiful like the girls in the pictures you need to exercise. I'll show you."

He put his hands on my breasts and began to pull and knead them occassionly pinching and pulling the nipples until I felt strangely excited and felt a tingle in my crotch.

Then he said, "This has to be exercised too if you want to become a woman."

He licked his finger then started sliding it up and down the slit of my pussy. Then he used his other hand to open the lips and pushed his finger inside and made circular motions around a little hard place toward the top. It felt wonderful and I felt my excitement growing. I spread my legs more and pushed up my butt so he could get to it easier. It just kept feeling better and better until I went into my first orgasm. I had never touched my pussy before except for a quick wash and had no idea it could feel so wonderful. I wondered why Mom hadn't told me and asked him.

He said, "Some women are strange and that my mom was one of them. Just like she doesn't want you naked she doesn't want you to enjoy yourself. You better not tell her. She would just get mad."

I was sure he was right. Once when I asked her about the hair starting to grow on my crotch she just got upset and said that it was because I was getting older and to leave my pussy alone. At least I found out what that area was named.

He had me get in my new clothes and walk around and pose for him. He kept telling me how pretty I was and made me proud.

On the way out the door he told me that I shouldn't tell Mom I had been with him because she didn't like him.

I knew that was true, she was always bitching about him coming around demanding the rent on welfare check day. He told me that if she asked about the clothes just to say one of my girlfriends had given them to me.

When I got home Mom said I was late for dinner. She had found a dollar on the table and used it to buy some hamburger meat. I would have to warm up mine. I was angry because that was my dollar but couldn't complain without telling her how I got it. She was a little drunk as usual but she finally noticed my new dress and said, "Where in the Hell did you get the dress?"

I told her the story about my new girlfiend who had given it to me because it was too small for her. To my surprize she got really mad.

"We might be poor but we don't have to beg from friends! Take that off and come over here I am going to teach you some pride!"

I was really scared but I took off the dress and went over to her. She had me lean over the back of a chair then picked up a wire coat-hanger and twisted it together to make one thick wire and began hitting my butt and thighs with it. It hurt terribly and she didn't quit till my new panties were shredded and I was bleeding. She told me to go to bed and I went to my mattress in the corner and laid on my belly crying my eyes out till I went to sleep.