He knew one thing: This grief must be borne, and it would not be a load that lessened with time. It would appear and reappear. It would gather and lose strength, and when he thought it was diminishing, it would rise again. It was too big for Jedi acceptance to contain it.

And what does that mean, to be a Jedi and be unable to accept? Qui- Gon wondered. It was a question for another time.

He entered the ship and did not look behind him. He was leaving on New Apsolon the possibility of a different life, a life that he had looked forward to with a joy he did not know existed in the galaxy. He would return to the life he had, a life of solitary service. He did not know where else to go.

He hoped to find satisfaction in that service again someday. That day seemed far away. For now, he headed for the small room where Tahl lay for his last, long good-bye.