"Father-" she said, and held a cup of wine to his lips. He sipped, and as the color began to come back into his lined face, he whispered, "Surely something holy has come among us. ... I was fed truly at the Lord's Table by the very cup from which he drank on that last holy night before he went to his Passion ... ."

Gwenhwyfar was beginning to know what had happened-whatever had come to them that day by God's will was a vision. The bishop whispered, "Did you see, my queen, the very cup of Christ ... "

She said gently, "Alas no, dear Father, perhaps I was not worthy for that, but I saw an angel, I think, and I thought for a moment it was God's Holy Mother who stood before me ... ."

"God has given us each a vision," said Patricius. "How I have prayed that something might come among us, to inspire all these men with the love of the true vision of Christ ... ."

Gwenhwyfar thought of the ancient proverb, Have a care what you pray for, it might be given you. Surely something had inspired these men. One after another they were rising, pledging to spend a year and a day searching, and she thought, All of the Round Table now is scattering to the four winds.

She looked at the altar where the chalice had lain. No, she thought, Bishop Patricius and Kevin the Merlin, you were wrong as Arthur was wrong. You cannot call down God to serve your own purposes this way. God blows through human purposes like a mighty wind, like the rush of angel's wings which I heard in this hall this day, and tears them asunder ... .

And then she wondered, What is wrong with me, that I am thinking to criticize Arthur or even the bishop for what they did? Yet then, with new strength, she thought, By God, yes! They are not God, they are only men, and their purposes are not sacred! She looked at Arthur, walking now among the peasants and subjects at the far end of the hall ... down there something had happened, some peasant had fallen down dead, perhaps overfilled with the joy of the Holy Presence. He came walking back, looking sorrowful.

"Gawaine, must you go-Galahad-? Not you too, my son? Bors, Lionel-what, all of you?"

"My lord Arthur," called out Mordred. He wore, as always, the crimson which suited him so well and which exaggerated, almost to the point of caricature, his likeness to the young Lancelet.

Arthur's voice was gentle, "What is it, my dear boy?"

"My king, I ask your permission not to go on this quest," he said. "Though it may be laid on all your knights, someone must remain at your side."

Gwenhwyfar felt an overflowing tenderness for the young man. Ah, this is Arthur's true son, not Galahad, all dreams and visions! Had there ever been a time when she had disliked and distrusted Mordred? She said, heartfelt, "May God bless you, Mordred," and the young man smiled at her. Arthur bowed his head and said, "Be it so, my son."

It was the first time Arthur had called him so before other men; Gwenhwyfar gauged his disturbance by that. "God help us both, Gwydion -Mordred, I should say-with so many of my Companions scattered to the four corners of the world, and God alone can say whether or no they will ever return ... ." He reached out and clasped Mordred's hands, and for a moment it seemed to Gwenhwyfar that he leaned on his son's strong arm.

Lancelet came to her side and bowed. "Lady, may I take my leave of you?"

It seemed to Gwenhwyfar that tears were as near the surface as joy. "Ah, love, must you go on this quest?" and cared not who heard her speak the words. Arthur too looked troubled, holding out his hand to his cousin and friend. "Will you leave us, Lancelet?"

He nodded; there was something rapt, otherworldly, shining in his face. So it had come to him, too, that great joy? But why, then, did he need to go forth to seek it? Surely it was within him as well?

"All these years, my love," she said, "have you told me that you are none so good a Christian as all that. Why then must you run away from me on this quest?"

She saw him struggling for words, and at last he said, "All those years, I knew not whether God was nothing but an old tale told by the priests to frighten us. Now I have seen-" He wet his lips again with his tongue, trying to find words for something beyond them. "I have seen ... something. If a vision such as this can be shown, whether of Christ or of the Devil-"

"Surely," interrupted Gwenhwyfar, "surely it came of God, Lancelet-"

"So you say, for you have seen, you know," he said, holding her hand against his heart. "I am not sure-methinks my mother mocked at me, or all Gods are one as Taliesin used to say-I am torn now between the darkness of never knowing, and the light beyond despair, which tells me - " And again he fumbled for words. "It was as if a great bell called to me, far away, a light like to the faraway lights in the marsh, saying, Follow ... and I know that the truth, the real truth, is there, there, just beyond my grasp, if I can only follow it and find it there and tear away that veil which shrouds it ... it is there if only I can reach it, my Gwenhwyfar. Would you deny me the search, now that I know there is truly something worth the finding?"

It seemed as if they were alone in a room, not in the court before all men. She knew she could prevail on him in all else, but who can come between a man and his soul? God had not seen fit to give him this sureness and joy, and she did not wonder that he must now go seeking for it, for if she had sensed it was there, yet without the surety, she too would have spent the rest of her life in that seeking. She reached both hands to him, and said, feeling as though she embraced him before all men in the clear light of day, "Go then, my beloved, and God reward your search with the truth you seek."

And he said, "God remain with you always, my queen, and may he grant that someday I return to you."

Then he turned to Arthur, but Gwenhwyfar did not hear what they said, only that he embraced Arthur as he had done when they were all young and innocent.

Arthur stood, his hand on Gwenhwyfar's shoulder, watching him go. "I think sometimes," he said softly, "that Lance is the best of us," and she turned to him, her heart overflowing with love for this good man who was her husband, and said, "I think so too, my dearest love."

He said, surprising her, "I love you both, Gwen. Never think, never, that you are less to me than anything on earth. I am almost glad you have never borne me a son," he added, almost in a whisper, "for then you might think I loved you only for that, and now I can say to you, I love you beyond all else save only my duty to this land whereof God has given me the stewardship, and you cannot be jealous of that. ..."

"No," she said softly. And then, for once meaning it absolutely, without reservation, she said, "And I love you too, Arthur, never doubt that."

"I have never for a moment doubted that, my own dear love." And he raised both her hands to his lips and kissed them, and Gwenhwyfar was filled again with that great and overflowing joy. What woman alive has had so much of life, that the two greatest men within the borders of this world have loved me?

All around them, the noises of the court were rising again, demanding notice for the things of everyday life. Everyone, it seemed, had seen something different-an angel; a maiden bearing the Grail; some, like herself, had seemed to see the Holy Mother; and many, many others had seen nothing, nothing but a light too bright to bear, and had been filled with peace and joy, and been fed with such meats and drinks as they liked best.

Now a rumor was going about that, by the favor of Christ, what they had seen was the very Grail from which Christ had drunk at the Last Supper among his disciples, where he broke the bread and shared the wine as if it were body and blood of the ancient sacrifice. Had Bishop Patricius chosen his moment to spread that tale, while they were all confused and no man knew precisely what he had actually seen?