And for a moment she was angry, I do not want your damned soul, she thought, close to weeping with tension and fear. He held her between his hands and whispered, "How? When will you be mine? What can I do to prove that I love you beyond all things?"

She said, hesitating, "I cannot take you to my bed. I sleep in a room with four of the Queen's ladies, and any man who came there would be seized by the guards-"

He said, bending again to cover her hands with kisses, "My poor little love, I would never bring shame on you. I have a place of my own-a little chamber fit for a dog, mostly because none other of the King's men wishes to share quarters with me. I do not know if you would dare to come there."

"Surely there must be some better way ... " she whispered, keeping her voice soft and tender. Damn you, how can I suggest it without dropping this pretense of maidenly innocence and stupidity ... ? "I cannot think of anywhere within the castle where we could be truly safe, and yet-" She stood and pressed herself against him, where he sat, her breasts just nudging his brow.

He flung his arms around her and buried his face in her body, his shoulders shaking. Then he said, "At this season-it is warm and fair and there is little rain. Would you dare to come out of doors with me, Nimue?"

She murmured as artlessly as she could, "I would dare anything to be with you, my love."

"Then-tonight ... ?"

"Oh," she whispered, shrinking, "the moonlight is so bright, we should be seen ... wait a few days, then there will be no moon ... ."

"When the moon is dark-" Kevin flinched, and she knew that here was the moment of danger, the moment when the carefully played fish might slip off the hook and out of the net and be free. In Avalon the priestesses secluded themselves at moon-dark, and all magic was suspended ... but he knew not that she was of Avalon.

Would his fear or his desire win out? She was motionless, just fluttering her fingers within his. He said, "That is an uncanny time-"

"But I am afraid to be seen ... . You do not know how angry the Queen would be with me, if she knew I was such a wanton as to desire you ... " she said, holding herself a little closer to him. "Surely you and I do not need a moon to see one another ... ."

He held her tight, his face buried in her breasts, covering them with hungry kisses. And then he whispered, "My little love, let it be as you will, be the moon light or dark ... "

"And you will take me away from Camelot afterward? I do not want to be shamed ... "

"Anywhere," he said, "I swear it ... I will swear it by your God, if you will."

She murmured, bending her head close to him, her hands moving through the sweet clean curliness of his hair, "The Christian God does not like lovers, and hates it when women lie with men ... swear it by your God, Kevin, swear it by the serpents around your wrists ... ."

He whispered, "I swear," and the meaning of the oath seemed to ripple the air around them both.

Oh, fool, you have sworn to your death ... . Nimue shivered, but Kevin, his face still hidden against her breasts, his hot breath damping her gown, was oblivious to anything except her breasts under his lips. As a promised lover he took the privilege of touching, kissing, drawing her gown aside a little to cup them in his hands. "I do not know how I can bear to wait." And she murmured, "No, nor I," and meant it with all her heart, I would that this was done ... .

The moon would not be visible, but the moon tide would turn exactly two hours after sunset, three days from now; she could feel its ebbing like a great sickness in her blood, withdrawing life from her veins. Most of those three days she spent in her chambers, telling the Queen that she was ill, and it was not far from the truth. Much of her time alone she spent with her hands on Kevin's harp, meditating, filling the ether around her with the magical bond between them.

An ill-omened time, and Kevin knew it, as she did; but he was too blinded by the promise of her love to care.

The day dawned when the moon would darken; Nimue felt it through her body. She had made herself an herbal brew which would keep the moon-dark bleeding from coming on-she did not want to disgust him with the sight of her blood, nor frighten him to recalling the taboos of Avalon. She had to turn her mind away from the physical realities of the act; for all her training, she knew that in truth she was the nervous virgin she pretended to be. Well, so much the better, she need not try to pretend. She could simply be what she was-a girl giving herself for the first time to a man she loved and desired. And what would come after that, well, it was as the Goddess had bidden her.

She hardly knew how to make the day pass. Never had the chatter of Gwenhwyfar's ladies seemed so meaningless, so vapid. In the afternoon she could not turn her mind to spinning, so she brought the harp Kevin had given her and played and sang for them; but it was not easy, she must avoid all the songs of Avalon, and they were the ones which she found floating in her mind. But even the longest day wears to sunset. She washed herself and scented her body, and sat near Gwenhwyfar in the hall, merely picking at her food, sick and faint, disgusted by the grossness of the table manners, the dogs under the table. She could see Kevin seated among the King's councillors, near the house priest who confessed some of the ladies. He had been bothering her, asking why she did not seek spiritual advice, and when she said she was in no need of it, frowning as if she were the worst of sinners. Kevin. She could almost feel his hungry hands on her breast, and it seemed as if the look he sent toward her must be audible. Tonight. Tonight, my beloved. Tonight. Ah, Goddess, how can I do this to this man who loves me, who has put his whole soul into my hands. ... 7 have sworn. I must keep my oath or be as much a traitor as he.

They met for a moment in the lower hall as the Queen's ladies went away to their chambers. He said, swiftly and very low, "I have concealed your horse and mine in the woods beyond the gate. Afterward"-and his voice shook-"afterward I will take you away wherever you will, lady."

You do not know whither I shall lead you. But it was too late to turn back. She said, through tears she could not control, "Ah, Kevin, I-I love you-" and knew it was true. She had wound herself so deep in his heart that she did not know, she could not even imagine, how she could bear to be apart from him. It seemed to her that the whole air of the night was alive with magic, that somehow others must see this great trembling in the air and the darkness hovering over her.

She must let them think she had gone abroad on some likely errand. She told the ladies who shared her chamber that she had promised one of the chamberlain's wives to try a remedy for the toothache, and that she would not be back for many hours. Then, taking her darkest, heavy cloak and tying the small sickle of her initiation about her waist beneath her gown, she slipped out. After a moment she turned into a dark corner and removed the little sickle, slipping it into a tied pocket at her waist-whatever befell, Kevin must not see it.

His heart would break if I failed to keep this tryst, she thought; he did not know how fortunate he would be. ...

Darkness. Not even shadows in the moonless courtyard. She found herself trembling, picking her steps carefully by the dimmest of starlight. After a little there was a deeper darkness and she heard his voice, a muted hoarse mutter: "Nimue?"

"It is I, my beloved."

Which is the greater falsity, to break my oath to Avalon, or to lie to Kevin thus? Both are false ... is a lie ever right?

He took her arm and the touch of his hot hand made her own blood heat. They were both deeply entangled now in the magic of the hour. He led her outside the gate, down the steep slope that raised the ancient fort of Camelot above the surrounding hills. In winter this ran a river and swampy; now it was dry, thick with the rank growth of the damp lands. He led her into a grove of trees.