Colonel Battleax was one of those rare cases where her chosen name and nickname were in accord. She was a drab, horse-faced woman with piercing eyes that left respect, caution, and no small amount of fear in their wake, and the prim no-nonsense cut of her uniform added an implied note of disapproval for those Legionnaires who favored a more flamboyant style in their wardrobes. There was a stern air about her that could only be called intimidating and did little to set people at their ease when in contact with her, much less the focus of her attention. The overall effect was that one was being taken to task by one's aging mother, except that in this case the party sitting in judgment could not only heap guilt on one's head but also scuttle a career with a raised eyebrow and a terse notation on one's personnel file.

This alone would have caused discomfort in the other two officers of the court... but there was more. The colonel had arrived unannounced from Legion Headquarters specifically to preside over the court-martial, and while she did her best to pass it off as a routine visit, simple logistics dictated that she would have had to be dispatched within hours of receipt of the notification to have arrived as soon as she did. The implications of this were clear: Headquarters had a special interest in this case and wanted to be sure of its outcome. The problem was that neither of the other two officers had a clue as to what was expected. While their best guess was that the lieutenant was to be made an example of, they chose by unspoken agreement to proceed cautiously, playing good guy/bad guy while waiting for some clue from the court president. After an hour of this, however, the colonel had yet to give any indication as to which way she was leaning, contenting herself to listening intently as the other two "argued."

"Do you want to review the court recordings again?"

"What for? They haven't changed!" Major Joshua snarled. Olive-complexioned and naturally hyper and intense, he had easily assumed the bad-guy role. At this point, however, he was tiring of the game and eager to bring things to a head. "I don't know why we're still debating this! The man's guilty as sin-hell, he even admits it! If we don't come down hard on him, it'll look like we're condoning what he did."

"Look, Josh-I mean, Major-there were extenuating circumstances involved."

The rotund Captain Humpty had no difficulty playing the good-guy devil's advocate. It was his habit to champion the underdog, though this case was trying even his generous tolerances. Still, he rose gamely to the challenge.

"We keep saying we want our junior officers to show initiative and leadership. If we slap them down every time they try something that doesn't work, then pretty soon no one will have the courage to do anything that isn't under orders and by the book."

The major snorted in disbelief. "Incentive! Bloodthirsty opportunism is more like it-at least, that's what the media called it, if I remember correctly."

"Are we letting the media set our discipline these days?"

"Well, no," Joshua admitted. "But we can't completely ignore our public image, either. The Legion is already considered to be the bottom of the heap. It's disasters like this that have everyone thinking we're a haven for criminals and losers."

"If they want Boy Scouts, there's always the Regular Army, not to mention the Starfleet," said the Captain dryly. "The Legion has never been a home for angels, including, I'll wager, all of us in this room. We're supposed to be judging this man's questionable action, not trying to salvage the Legion's reputation. "

"All right. Let's look at his action. I still don't see any redeeming factors in what he did."

"He inspired one of those Dudley-Do-Right pilots you're so envious of to make an unauthorized strafing run. I know commanders who haven't been able to get that kind of cross-service support even when the pilots were under orders to cooperate. Do you think it's wise to squelch that kind of leadership potential?"

"That depends on if you're differentiating between 'leadership' and an ability to incite disobedience. What your young lieutenant really needs is a couple years in the stockade to calm him down. Then maybe he'll think twice before he goes charging off half-cocked."

"I don't think we want to do that."

Both men broke off their argument and turned their attention to the colonel, who had finally entered into the discussion.

"While you have made several valid points, Major, and your proposed sentence would be in line with those points, there are certain... factors to be considered here which you are not aware of."

She paused, as if weighing each word for correctness, while the other officers waited patiently.

"I am extremely reluctant to bring this up-in fact, I rather hoped it wouldn't be necessary. As you know, each Legionnaire starts with a clean slate when he or she joins up. We aren't supposed to be biased by, or even be aware of, their personal history prior to their enlistment. To maintain that illusion, I'll have to ask that not only what I tell you be kept in strictest confidence, but also the fact that you were told anything at all."

She waited until both men had nodded their agreement before continuing, and even then seemed reluctant to speak directly.

"It goes without saying that the lieutenant comes from money. If he didn't, he wouldn't be an officer."

The others waited patiently for information that was news. It was known that the Legion raised money by selling commissions... or rather by charging hefty fees to anyone who wanted to test for one.

"I did notice that he has his own butler," the captain said, trying to be amiable. "A bit pretentious, perhaps, but nothing the rest of us couldn't afford if we were so inclined."

The colonel ignored him.

"The truth is... have either of you considered the significance of the lieutenant's choice of a name?"

"Scaramouche?" Major Joshua said with a frown. "Aside from the obvious reference to the character from the novel, I hadn't given it much thought."

"I assumed it was because he fancied himself to be a swordsman," the captain put in, not to be outdone by his colleague.

"Before the novel. Perhaps I should say that the real origin of the name and title is a stock character from Italian comedy-a buffoon or a fool."

The men scowled and exchanged covert glances.

"I don't get it," the major admitted at last. "What has that got to do with-"

"Try spelling 'fool' with a 'ph'... as in p-h-u-l-e."

"I still don't-"

The colonel sighed and held up a restraining hand.

"Take a moment and study your sidearm, Major," she said.

Puzzled, the officer drew his pistol and glanced at it, turning it over in his hand. As he did, a sharp intake of breath drew his attention and he realized that the captain had successfully put together whatever it was that the colonel was driving at.

"You mean..."

"That's right, Captain." The court president nodded grimly. "Your Lieutenant Scaramouche is none other than the only son and heir apparent to the current owner and president of Phule-Proof Munitions."

Stunned, the major gaped at the pistol in his hand which bore the Phule-Proof logo. If the colonel was correct, then the lieutenant he had been about to throw the book at was one of the youngest megamillionaires in the galaxy.

"But then why would he join... ?"

The words froze in the major's throat as he barely caught himself on the brink of the worst social gaff a Legionnaire can commit. Suddenly uncomfortable, he turned the pistol over in his hands again to avoid the icy stares of the other officers. While it was a definite breach of regulations for the colonel to reveal the lieutenant's personal background, the one question no one was ever allowed to ask of or about any Legionnaire was "Why did he or she join?"