GUILstirs restlessly, pulling his cloak round him.

Because you'd be helpless, wouldn't you? Stuffed in a box like that, I mean you'd be in there for ever. Even taking into account the fact that you're dead, it isn't a pleasant thought. Especially if you're dead, really… ask yourself, if I asked you straight off-I'm going to stuff you in this box now, would you rather be alive or dead? Naturally, you'd prefer to be alive. Life in a box is better than no life at all. I expect. You'd have a chance at least. You could lie there thinking well, at least I'm not dead! In a minute someone's going to bang on the lid and tell me to come out. (Banging the floor with his fists.) "Hey you, whatsyername! Come out of there

GUIL (jumps up savagely) : You don't have to flog it to death!

Pause.

ROS: I wouldn't think about it, if I were you. You'd only get depressed. (Pause.) Eternity is a terrible thought. I mean, where's it going to end? (Pause, then brightly.) Two early Christians chanced to meet in Heaven. "Saul of Tarsus yet!" cried one. "What are you doing here?!"… "Tarsus-Schmarsus," replied the other, "I'm Paul already." (He stands up restlessly and flaps his arms.) They don't care. We count for nothing. We could remain silent tin we're green in the face, they wouldn't come.

GUIL: Blue, red.

ROS: A Christian, a Moslem and a Jew chanced to meet in a closed carriage "Silverstein!" cried the Jew. "Who's your friend?"… "His name's Abdullah," replied the Moslem, "but he's no friend of mine since he became a convert." (He leaps up again, stamps his foot and shouts into the wings.) All right, we know you're in there! Come out talking! (Pause.) We have no control. None at all… (He paces.) Whatever became of the moment when one first knew about death? There must have been one, a moment, in childhood when it first occurred to you that you don't go on for ever. It must have been shattering-stamped into one's memory. And yet I can't remember it. It never occurred to me at all. What does one make of that? We must be born with an intuition of mortality. Before we know the words for it, before we know that there are words, out we come, bloodied and squalling with the knowledge that for all the compasses in the world, there's only one direction, and time is its only measure. (He reflects, getting more desperate and rapid.) A Hindu, a Buddhist and a lion-tamer chanced to meet, in a circus on the Indo-Chinese border. (He breaks out.) They're taking us for granted! Well, I won't stand for it! In future, notice will be taken. (He wheels again to face into the wings.) Keep out, then! I forbid anyone to enter! (No one comes. Breathing heavily.) That's better…

Immediately, behind him a grand procession enters, principally CLAUDIUS , GERTRUDE , POLONIUS and OPHELIA . CLAUDIUS takes ROS 's elbow as he passes and is immediately deep in conversation: the context is Shakespeare Act 111, scene i. GUIL still faces front as CLAUDIUS , ROS , etc., pass upstage and turn.

GUIL: Death followed by eternity the worst of both worlds.  It is a terrible thought.

He turns upstage in time to take over the conversation with CLAUDIUS . GERTRUDE and ROS head downstage.

GERTRUDE: Did he receive you well?

ROS: Most like a gentleman.

GUIL (returning in time to take it up) : But with much forcing of his disposition.

ROS (a flat lie and he knows it and shows it, perhaps catching GUIL 's eye) : Niggard of question, but of our demands most free in his reply.

GERTRUDE: Did you assay him to any pastime?

ROS: Madam, it so fell out that certain players We o'erraught on the way: of these we told him And there did seem in him a kind of joy To hear of it. They are here about the court, And, as I think, they have already order This night to play before him.

POLONIUS: 'Tis most true And he beseeched me to entreat your Majesties To hear and see the matter.

CLAUDIUS: With all my heart, and it doth content me To hear him so inclined. Good gentlemen, give him a further edge And drive his purpose into these delights.

ROS: We shall, my lord.

CLAUDIUS (leading out procession) : Sweet Gertrude, leave us, too, For we have closely sent for Hamlet hither, That he, as t'were by accident, may here Affront Ophelia… Exeunt CLAUDIUS and GERTRUDE. ROS (peevish) : Never a moment's peace! In and out, on and they're coming at us from all sides.

GUIL: You're never satisfied.

ROS: Catching us on the trot… Why can't we go by them?

GUIL: What's the difference?

ROS: I'm going.

ROS pulls his cloak round him. GUIL ignores him. Without confidence ROSheads upstage. He looks out and comes back quickly.

He's coming.

GUIL: What's he doing?

ROS: Nothing.

GUIL: He must be doing something.

ROS: Walking.

GUIL: On his hands?

ROS: No, on his feet.

GUIL: Stark naked?

ROS: Fully dressed.

GUIL: Selling toffee apples?

ROS: Not that I noticed.

GUIL: You could be wrong?

ROS: I don't think so.

Pause.

GUIL: I can't for the life of me see how we're going to get into conversation.

HAMLET enters upstage, and pauses, weighing up the pros and cons of making his quietus. ROS and GUIL watch him.

ROS: Nevertheless, I suppose one might say that this was a chance… One might well… accost him… Yes, it definitely looks like a chance to me… Something on the lines of a direct informal approach… man to man… straight from the shoulder… Now look here, what's it all about… sort of thing. Yes. Yes, this looks like one to be grabbed with both hands, I should say… if I were asked…. No point in looking at a gift horse till you see the whites of its eyes, etcetera. (He has moved towards HAMLET)

ROS: Excuse me. but his nerve fails. He returns.) We're overawed, that's our trouble. When it comes to the point we succumb to their personality…

OPHELIA enters, with prayerbook, a religious procession of one.

HAMLET: Nymph, in thy orisons; be all my sins remembered.

At his voice she has stopped for him, he catches her up.

OPHELIA: Good my lord, how does your honour for this many day?

HAMLET: I humbly thank you-well, well, well. They disappear talking into the wing.

ROS: It's like living in a public park!

GUIL: Very impressive. Yes, I thought your direct informal approach was going to stop this thing dead in its tracks there. If I might make a suggestion-shut up and sit down Stop being perverse.

ROS (near tears) : I'm not going to stand for it!

A FEMALE FIGURE , ostensibly the QUEEN , enters. ROS march up behind her, puts his hands over her eyes and says with a desperate frivolity.

ROS: Guess who?!

PLAYER (having appeared in a downstage corner) : Alfred!

ROS lets go, spins around. He has been holding ALFRED , in his robe and blond wig. PLAYER is in the downstage corner still. ROS comes down to that exit. The PLAYER does not budge He and ROS stand toe to toe. The PLAYER lifts his downstage foot. ROS bends to put his hand on the floor. The PLAYER lowers his foot. ROS screams and leaps away.

PLAYER (gravely) : I beg your pardon.

GUIL (to ROS) : What did he do?

PLAYER: I put my foot down.

ROS: My hand was on the floor!

GUIL: You put your hand under his foot?

ROS: I-

GUIL: What for?

ROS: I thought– (Grabs GUIL .) Don't leave me!

He makes a break for an exit. A TRAGEDIAN dressed as a KING enters. ROS recoils, breaks for the opposite wing.  Two cloaked TRAGEDIANS enter. ROS tries again but another TRAGEDIAN enters, and ROS retires to misstate. The PLAYER claps his hands matter-of-factly.