'Package delivered on time, and receipt acknowledged,' said Captain Chandler with obvious satisfaction. 'Goodbye Venus – Ganymede, here we come.'
MISS PRINGLE
FILE WALLACE
Hello, Indra. Yes, you were quite right. I do miss our little arguments. Chandler and I get along fine, and at first the crew treated me – this will amuse you – rather like a holy relic. But they're beginning to accept me, and have even started to pull my leg (do you know that idiom?).
It's annoying not to be able to have a real conversation – we've crossed the orbit of Mars, so radio round-trip is already over an hour. But there's one advantage – you won't be able to interrupt me...
Even though it will take us only a week to reach Jupiter, I thought I'd have time to relax. Not a bit of it: my fingers started to itch, and I couldn't resist going back to school. So I've begun basic training, all over again, in one of Goliath's minishuttles. Maybe Dim will actually let me solo...
It's not much bigger than Discovery's pods – but what a difference! First of all, of course, it doesn't use rockets: I can't get used to the luxury of the inertial drive, and unlimited range. Could fly back to Earth if I had to – though I'd probably get – remember the phrase I used once, and you guessed its meaning? – 'stir crazy'.
The biggest difference, though, is the control system. It's been a big challenge for me to get used to hands-off operation – and the computer has had to learn to recognize my voice commands. At first it was asking every five minutes 'Do you really mean that?' I know it would be better to use the Braincap – but I'm still not completely confident with that gadget. Not sure if I'll ever get used to something reading my mind.
By the way, the shuttle's called Falcon. It's a nice name – and I was disappointed to find that no one aboard knew that it goes all the way back to the Apollo missions, when we first landed on the Moon...
Uh-huh – there was a lot more I wanted to say, but the skipper is calling. Back to the classroom – love and out.
STORE
TRANSMIT
Hello Frank – Indra calling – if that's right word! – on my new Thoughtwriter – old one had nervous breakdown ha ha – so be lots of mistakes – no time to edit before I send. Hope you can make sense.
COMSET! Channel one oh three – record from twelve thirty – correction – thirteen thirty. Sorry...
Hope I can get old unit fixed – knew all my short-cuts and abbrieves – maybe should get psychoanalysed like in your time – never understood how that Fraudian – mean Freudian ha ha – nonsense lasted as long as it did – Reminds me – came across late Twentieth defin other day – may amuse you – something like this – quote -Psychoanalysis – contagious disease originating Vienna circa 1900 – now extinct in Europe but occasional outbreaks among rich Americans. Unquote. Funny?
Sorry again – trouble with Thoughtwriters – hard to stick to point -xz 12 w 888 5***** js98l2yebdc DAMN... STOP BACKUP
Did I do something wrong then? Will try again. You mentioned Danil... sorry we always evaded your questions about him – knew you were curious, but we had very good reason – remember you once called him a non-person?... not bad guess...!
Once you asked me about crime nowadays – I said any such interest pathological – maybe prompted by the endless sickening television programmes of your time – never able to watch more than few minutes myself... disgusting!
DOOR ACKNOWLEDGE! OH, HELLO MELINDA EXCUSE SIT DOWN NEARLY FINISHED...
Yes – crime. Always some... Society's irreducible noise level. What to do?
Your solution – prisons. State-sponsored perversion factories – costing ten times average family income to hold one inmate! Utterly crazy... Obviously something very wrong with people who shouted loudest for more prisons – They should be psychoanalysed! But let's be fair – really no alternative before electronic monitoring and control perfected – you should see the joyful crowds smashing the prison walls then – nothing like it since Berlin fifty years earlier!
Yes – Danil. I don't know what his crime was – wouldn't tell you if I did – but presume his psych profile suggested he'd make a good – what was the word? – ballet – no, valet. Very hard to get people for some jobs – don't know how we'd manage if crime level zero! Anyway hope he's soon decontrolled and back in normal society
SORRY MELINDA NEARLY FINISHED
That's it, Frank – regards to Dimitrj – you must be halfway to Ganymede now – wonder if they'll ever repeal Einstein so we can talk across space in real-time!
Hope this machine soon gets used to me. Otherwise be looking round for genuine antique twentieth century word processor... Would you believe – once even mastered that QWERTYIYUIOP nonsense, which you took a couple of hundred years to get rid of?
Love and good-bye.
* * *
Hello Frank – here I am again. Still waiting acknowledgement of my last...
Strange you should be heading towards Ganymede, and my old friend Ted Khan. But perhaps it's not such a coincidence: he was drawn by the same enigma that you were...
First I must tell you something about him. His parents played a dirty trick, giving him the name Theodore. That shortens – don't ever call him that! – to Theo. See what I mean?
Can't help wondering if that's what drives him. Don't know anyone else who's developed such an interest in religion – no, obsession. Better warn you; he can be quite a bore.
By the way, how am I doing? I miss my old Thinkwriter, but seem to be getting this machine under control. Haven't made any bad – what did you call them? – bloopers – glitches – fluffs – so far at least – Not sure I should tell you this, in case you accidentally blurt it out, but my private nickname for Ted is 'The Last Jesuit'. You must know something about them – the Order was still very active in your time.
Amazing people – often great scientists – superb scholars – did a tremendous amount of good as well as much harm. One of history's supreme ironies – sincere and brilliant seekers of knowledge and truth, yet their whole philosophy hopelessly distorted by superstition...
Xuedn2k3jn deer 2leidj dwpp
Damn. Got emotional and lost control. One, two, three, four... now is the time for all good men to come to the aid of the party... that's better.
Anyway, Ted has that same brand of high-minded determination; don't get into any arguments with him – he'll go over you like a steam-roller.
By the way what were steam-rollers? Used for pressing clothes? Can see how that could be very uncomfortable...
Trouble with Thinkwriters... too easy to go off in all directions, no matter how hard you try to discipline yourself... something to be said for keyboards after all... sure I've said that before...
Ted Khan... Ted Khan... Ted Khan
He's still famous back on Earth for at least two of his sayings: 'Civilization and Religion are incompatible' and 'Faith is believing what you know isn't true'. Actually, I don't think the last one is original; if it is, that's the nearest he ever got to a joke. He never cracked a smile when I tried one of my favourites on him – hope you haven't heard it before. It obviously dates from your time.
The Dean's complaining to his Faculty. 'Why do you scientists need such expensive equipment? Why can't you be like the Maths Department, which only needs a blackboard and a waste-paper basket? Better still, like the Department of Philosophy. That doesn't even need a wastepaper basket...' Well, perhaps Ted had heard it before... I expect most philosophers have...
Anyway, give him my regards – and don't, repeat don't, get into any arguments with him!