“Oh, Lou,” she sighed, finally wiping the corners of her eyes.

“It’s not a joke,” he said, more firmly and with more dignity and confidence, he hoped. More of a man now than he was five minutes ago.

As she realized he really wasn’t teasing, her smile faded instantly.

“Isn’t it?” She cocked an eyebrow, looked him dead in the eye. “Because you might have fooled her, Lou, but you haven’t fooled us.”

“Us?”

She waved a hand behind her dismissively. “Us. Everyone. Whatever.”

He pushed his chair away from the desk.

“Oh, okay, you want me to be specific? I’ll be specific. Gemma in accounts, Rebecca in marketing, Louise in personnel, Tracey—your secretary before me—and I never did get the nanny’s name. Shall I continue?” She smiled, then took a sip of wine, watching him. Her eyes watered slightly, her corneas reddened as though the wine was traveling directly to her eyes. “Remember all of them?”

“They were”—Lou swallowed, feeling breathless—“they were a long time ago. I’m different now.”

“The nanny was six months ago.” She laughed. “Christ, Lou, how much do you think a man like you can change in six months, if at all?”

Lou felt dizzy, sickened all of a sudden. He ran his sweaty hands through his hair, panic setting in. What had he done?

“Just think about it.” She perked up. “When you become Number Two around here, you can have whoever you want; but just remember, I got you first.” She laughed, putting down the wine and reaching out her foot to pull his chair toward her again. “But if you take me with you, I can tend to all your needs.”

She took the whiskey glass from his hand and placed it on the desk. Then she took his hand and pulled him to his feet, and he followed, numb and lifeless like a dummy. She rubbed her hands across his chest, grabbed his lapels, and pulled him closer.

So much went through his mind right then, a strobelight effect of thoughts; manic and not fully formed, they flashed in and out of his head as he failed to hold on to one and really register it. Each was a warning he couldn’t fully grasp. If he could just bring himself back into the moment and stop smelling Alison’s perfume, stop feeling her fingertips, which were gentle on his cheeks…Gabe spoke his words of wisdom in one ear; Lou Suffern’s dark side whispered in the other. But suddenly, he watched with great clarity as what he had been slowly learning over the past few days came flying toward him like a meteor headed toward the Earth. Its impact yielded a result. What he was doing with Alison was wrong. This was all wrong. He wasn’t that man anymore. His great life, his achievements, were so only because of his family. Take them away, take Ruth away, and he was and had nothing.

Just as their lips were about to meet, he stopped and moved his lips to her ear. Ever so softly, he whispered, “My marriage is not a joke, Alison.”

With that, he pulled back and walked away from the desk.

Alison sat frozen on the desk. The only movement was her mouth, which had fallen open, and her hand, which fidgeted and tried to pull at the bottom of her skirt.

“Yeah,” he said as he watched her fix herself, “you should cover that up. You can take a minute to gather your thoughts, but please replace the files on my desk before you leave,” he said calmly, moving the files around with his shoe to find the displaced pill. Finding it nestled in the thick carpet, he quickly picked it up and placed it in his pocket. Leaving his hands there to hide how much his body shook, he strode out of his office and into the middle of a karaoke, where Alex from accounts was drunkingly singing Mariah Carey’s “All I Want for Christmas.” Streamers popped around Lou, and drunken colleagues smothered him with kisses as he left his office.

“I have to go,” he said to no one in particular, trying to make his way to the elevator. He pushed right through the crowd, some people grabbing him and trying to dance with him, others blocking his path and spilling their drinks. “I have to go,” he said a little more aggressively now. His head was pounding; he was nauseous; he felt as though he had just woken up in the body of a man who had taken over his life and had almost thrown it all away. “I have to go,” he said, continuing to make his way to the elevator. Finally he reached it and pressed the call button. He didn’t want to meet Mr. Patterson, didn’t care about the job; he just wanted to be with his family. He kept his head down and waited.

“Lou!” He heard his name. He kept his head down, ignoring the voice. “Lou! I need a minute with you!” He ignored it again, watching the floors rising on the elevator panel and shaking his leg anxiously, hoping he’d get inside before it was too late.

He felt a hand on his shoulder.

“Lou! I’ve been calling you!” a friendly voice said.

He turned around. “Ah, Mr. Patterson, hello. Sorry.” Lou was aware his voice was edgy, but he needed to get out of there. He’d promised Ruth. He pressed down on the elevator button again. “I’m in a bit of a rush, it’s my dad’s se—”

“We won’t take long, I promise. Just a word.” Mr. Patterson pulled gently on his arm.

“Okay.” Lou turned around, biting his lip.

“I was rather hoping we could talk in my office, if you don’t mind.” Mr. Patterson smiled.

He led Lou down to his office, where they sat down opposite each other on aged brown leather couches. Lou felt around in his pocket for his pills. He shouldn’t be here. He really shouldn’t be here. He reached for the glass of water Mr. Patterson poured for him, trying to control the tremble in his hand.

“Would you like something stronger, Lou?”

“No, thank you, Mr. Patterson.” He waited for the opportunity to take the pill, but Mr. Patterson kept his eyes on him at all times.

“Laurence, please.” Mr. Patterson shook his head again. “Honestly, Lou, you make me feel like a schoolteacher when you address me so. Well, I’m going to have one, anyway.” Mr. Patterson stood up and made his way over to his drinks cabinet. He poured himself a brandy from a crystal decanter. “You sure you won’t have one?” he offered again. “Rémy XO.” He swirled it midair, tauntingly.

“Okay, I will, thank you.” Lou smiled and relaxed a little, his panic to get across the river to the other party subsiding slightly.

“Good.” Mr. Patterson smiled. “So, Lou, let’s talk about your future. It’s going to be a long one. How much time do you have?”

Lou took his first sip of the expensive brandy, and he was brought back to the room, back to the present. He pulled his cuffs over his watch and took a deep breath, trying to ignore the clock ticking away on the wall, trying to put his father’s party out of his head. It would all be worth it. They would all understand. They would all be too busy celebrating to notice he wasn’t even there.

“I have all the time you need.” Lou smiled nervously.