Unless he has children, a Bro shall not wear his cellphone on a belt clip.

A Bro never removes his shirt in front of other Bros, unless at a resort pool or the beach.

COROLLARY: A Bro with a coat of fur on his back keeps that thing covered at all times, even at a resort pool or the beach. Sorry, Bro.

A Bro willy in a timely manner, alert his Bro to the existence of a girl fight.

A Bro must, in a timely manner, communicate the possibility of fisticuffs between two humans of the female variety (Henceforth "girl fight"), in an effort to make possible and probable that another Bro or Bros can partake in observation. A "timely manner" is open to interpretation based on the initial Bro's viewing and processing of the potential feminine conflagration. Said Bro must use any and all methods of media distribution at his disposal, including but not limited to: telecommunications, elbow nudging, carrier pigeons, fiber optics, shouting, postcards, and telepathy. If an informed Bro is unable to witness the girl fight firsthand, the spotter Bro is responsible for documenting and relating details of the girl fight via pictures, video, or, barring any other reasonable method, interpretive dance and/or pantomime.

If two Bros decide to catch a movie together, they may not attend a screening that begins after 4:40 pm. Also, despite the cost savings, they shall not split a tub of popcorn, choosing instead to procure individual bags.

A Bro doesn't comparison shop.

When on the prowl, a Bro hits on the hottest chick first because you just never know.

1. Half-Asian Chicks — ↑2 — Multiethnic? Multryesnic!

2. Lebanese Girls — ↓1 — Lebaplease girls!

3. Politician's Daughters — ↓1 — Daddy's issues ≠ Daddy's issues

4. Mute Women — ↔ — One thing's for sure: they are handy

5. Eighties Music Video Chicks — ↑112 — Crawled over a Corvette hood into the top ten

6. Really Tall Chicks — ↑4 — Can reach the ceiling fan… from the bed

7. Mermaids — ↔ — Wet. Wild. Wonderful.

8. Chicks Raised in a Cult — ↑883 — Guaranteed crazy factor

9. Army Chicks — ↓4 — Drop and give us something… please!

10. Girls on Rollerblades — ↓4 — Too fast, too furious

A Bro doesn't allow another Bro to get married until he's t least thirty.

When in a public restroom, a Bro (1) stares straight ahead when using the urinal; (2) makes the obligatory comment, "What is this, a chicks' restroom?" if there are more than two dudes waiting to pee; and (3) attempts to shoot his used paper towel into the trash can like a basketball… rebounding is optional.

Bros cannot make eye contact during a devil's threeway.

A Bro never rents a chick flick.

When questioned in the company of women, a Bro always decries fake breasts.

When in conversation with a woman, fake breasts may arise, but not in the way that you'd like. It's not uncommon for a woman to deftly use trick questions in order to probe a Bro's real thoughts on the subject of breast augmentation.[6] And don't be fooled into thinking your prepared speech on the beauty of the natural human form can get you out of it.

BAD

Chick: Ugh, her breasts are so fake.

Bro: Totally. Unnatural is unsexy.

Chick: So you've been staring at her breasts, huh?

BAD

Chick: Ugh, her breasts are so fake.

Bro: Whose?

Chick: You know who I'm talking about.

Bro: Oh. Yes, those must be fake.

Chick: So you've been staring at her breasts, huh?

BAD

Chick: Ugh, her breasts are so fake.

Bro: No?

Chick: Well, then, why don't you just go marry her, then???

OK

Chick: Ugh, her breasts are so fake.

Bro: I wouldn't know.

Chick: Oh. Well, they are.

A Bro is under no obligation to open a door for anyone. If women insist on having their own professional basketball league, then they can open their own doors. Honestly, they're not that heavy.

Even in a fight to the death, a Bro never punches another Bro in the groin.

When a Bro gets a chick's number, he waits at least ninety-six hours before calling her.

Q: I'm confused — if a woman gives me her phone number, doesn't that mean she wants me to call her? Why do I have to wait so long?

A: Broflation — an unreasonable increase in female expectations about how Bros should act. You call a woman the next day, she tells her friends you called the next day, and soon enough, women everywhere will expect guys to call them the next day. Before you know it, Bros the world over will find themselves trapped in relationships, and all because you couldn't wait ninety-six little hours.

Q: Okay, I've waited ninety-six hours. When's the best time of day to call?

A: Call during the middle of the day. You'll have a better chance of catching her voice mail, which ultimately means less conversation. With any luck you'll be able to set something up without ever having to talk to her. Note: Never call after 9 PM — late-night phone calls are the province of the booty call, and only the booty call. See Article 92 for further elaboration.

Q: I 've always heard you wait three days? Why does the Bro Code specify four?

A: If you've always heard that a Bro should wait three days before calling, you can bet that women have, too. By waiting an extra day, you can make a chick feel special.