William replied, “Good enough.”

Susan said, “Sit here, John, next to me. I’ve made you a vodka and tonic.”

“Thank you.” I sat next to Susan on the love seat, and she took my hand, which came to Mom and Dad’s immediate notice and made them wince.

Schubert was playing softly in the background, and the room was lit with candles and adorned with flowers. Sort of like a funeral home.

I sipped my drink and discovered it was pure tonic.

William the Color Blind was wearing silly green trousers, an awful yellow golf shirt, and a shocking pink linen sports jacket. Charlotte had on pale pink pants and a puke green blouse, and they both wore these horrid white orthopedic walking shoes. I’m surprised they were allowed to board the aircraft.

William, I noticed, really hadn’t aged much in ten years, and he had a full head of hair and was still using the same hair coloring. Charlotte’s face had aged a lot, with a network of deep wrinkles that looked like cracked house paint. She’d let her hair go naturally bright red, and she was wearing earrings, a necklace, and a bracelet all made of coral and seashells, giving her the appearance of a dry aquarium. Neither one of them had gained much weight, and both of them were amazingly pasty-faced for golfers, as though they used whitewash for sunblock.

I said to them, “You’re both looking very well.”

William did not return the compliment but said, “Thank you. We feel well.”

It’s here where the senior citizen usually gives you a complete medical report, and while this usually bores me senseless, in this case I was anxious to hear about any ailments, no matter how small or insignificant; you never know what could develop into something fatal at that age. But they weren’t sharing their medical history with me, except that Charlotte said, “Our internist said we could live to be a hundred.”

That bastard.

Susan addressed the big subject and said, “John, I’ve told Mom and Dad that we are getting remarried, and I also told them how happy Edward and Carolyn are for us.”

I said to Mom and Dad, “My mother, too, is delighted. And Ethel, right before she passed away said to us, ‘Now, I can go in peace, knowing – ’” I felt Susan’s nails dig into my hand, so I cooled that, and said, “Susan and I have thought long and hard about this” – since we had sex on Sunday – “and we’ve discussed all aspects of our remarriage, and we are certain this is what we want to do.”

Susan reminded me, “And we’re in love, John.”

I said, “And we’re in love.”

Neither Mom nor Dad had anything to say about any of that, so Susan continued, “As I said to you before John joined us, I understand that this comes as a surprise to you, and I understand why you have some doubts and reservations, but we are certain about our love for each other.”

William and Charlotte sat there as though their hearing aids had died, and they simultaneously reached for their martinis and took a good slug.

Susan continued, “John and I have discussed all that happened in the past, and we’ve put that behind us, and we hope that we can all move forward. We feel that the past has taught us what is important, and whatever mistakes we’ve made have taught us invaluable lessons, which we’ll use to strengthen our love and our family.”

William and Charlotte finished their martinis.

I guess it was my turn, so I said, “I’m sure you want Susan to be happy, and I believe I can make her happy.” It was time for my mea culpa, and I said, “I made many mistakes during our marriage, and I take most of the blame for what happened between us, but I want you to know, I’ve grown as a person, and I’ve become more sensitive to Susan’s needs and wants, and I’ve strengthened my coping skills, and learned how to manage my anger, and-” Again, the nails in my hand. So I concluded, “I could give you a hundredmillion reasons” – or half of that – “why I think I can be a good husband to Susan, and a hundred million reasons why-”

“John.”

“What?”

“I think Mom and Dad may want you to address what happened the last time we were all together.”

“Right. I was getting to that.” As I recalled, we were in an Italian restaurant in Locust Valley, and William had just sold Stanhope Hall to Frank Bellarosa, and William was asking me to draw up the contract of sale, for free, and then he was going to stick me with the restaurant bill, as he always did, and I’d had about all the crap I was going to take from him, so I called him-

“John.”

“Right.” I looked at William, then at Charlotte, and said, “One of the major regrets of my life has been my words to you, William, when we last had dinner together. My outburst was totally unacceptable and unprovoked. My words, which spewed forth from my mouth, like… well, that bad fra diavolo… anyway, if I could take those words back – or eat them – I would. But I can’t, so I can only offer my most sincere and abject apology to you and to Charlotte for you having to hear that stream of vile obscenities, and to Susan, too, for having to witness the three people she loved most…” I was losing the sentence structure, so I concluded, “Please accept my apology.”

There were a few seconds of silence, then William said, “I have never been spoken to like that in all my life.”

Really?

Charlotte said, “That was so hurtful.”

Maybe they needed another martini. Well, I’d promised Susan I’d apologize, and I did, but these two shitheads were having none of it. Nevertheless, I gave it the old Yale try and said, “You don’t know how many times I sat down to write you a letter of apology, but I could never form the words on paper that were in my heart. But now that I can deliver these words of apology to you – from the same mouth that disgorged those coarse, vulgar, crude, and profane words… now, I hope that you can see and hear that my apology is from my heart.” I pointed to my heart.

I could see that William, even with two martinis in his dim brain, was sensing that I was having a little fun with this. Charlotte, who is truly dim, takes everything literally.

Finally, William said, “I was stunned, John, that a son-in-law of mine, a man whose parents I respect, would use that kind of language – in a public place, or anywhere for that matter, and to use it in the presence of ladies.” And so forth.

I hung my head and listened to him go on. Obviously, William had hoped for this day, and he was going to squeeze every ounce of petty pleasure out of it.

Finally, Susan interrupted him and said, “Dad, John has asked you to accept his apology.”

William looked at her and then at me and said, “Charlotte and I will discuss this. And be aware, John, that we don’t dispense forgiveness as easily and as lightly as do so many young people today.” He let me know, “Forgiveness can be asked for, but it has to be earned.”

I took a deep breath and replied, “I hope I can earn your forgiveness.”

“It’s not a matter of hope, John, it’s a matter of working at it.”

All right, fuckhead. “That’s what I meant.”

Susan said, “Let me freshen your drinks.” She took their glasses and said to me, “Give me a hand, John.”

I stood and followed her into the kitchen.

She said to me, “Thank you.”

I didn’t reply.

“I know that was difficult, but you did it.”

“It came from my heart.” I pointed to my heart.

“I think it came from your spleen.”

“I thought you said they mellowed.”

“No, I told you I lied about that.”

“Right.”

Susan took the Boodles out of the freezer and said, “This stuff isn’t working.”

“It will. One martini, two martini, three martini, floor.” I said, “There’s no vodka in my tonic.”

“You will thank me for that.”

“I just need one more to get through this.”

“You’re doing great.”

“Really?”

“Yes. But don’t overdo it. You’re borderline sarcastic.”