"Well, dear," he said, almost aggrievedly, "you should have said something about it. How was I to know? " It was at that moment that I made up my mind. Certainly I had suffered more serious slights and disappointments, but at that instant I decided I could no longer endure his boorish behavior.

"Herman," I said, "I want a divorce."

He blinked a few times. "Come on, lion," he said in a thick voice, "you don't really mean that."

"I really do. I suggest you sleep in the spare bedroom tonight. I'll see a lawyer tomorrow, and then we'll talk about permanent arrangements.

I don't wish to continue living with you."

"Why the hell are you so pissed?" he demanded. "So I came home late for dinner. I forgot our anniversary. What's the big deal. It happens all the time."

"It's not just tonight," I said. "It's all the nights you haven't come home. Your drinking. Your playing around.

I've had it, Herm. I want out."

"I don't know what you're bitching about," he blustered.

"Haven't I provided a good home? You got your own car. Who paid for that roast beef? A lot of women would like to have what you've got."

"What have I got?" I said furiously. "A drunken husband who makes no effort to conceal his infidelities. A lousy father who never spends time with his only child. A miserable lover who's lost all interest in his wife. You think other women would like to have that? Think again, buster."

"Look," he said earnestly, "I admit I haven't been perfectbut what man is? I'm under a lot of stress at the office, a lot of pressure to produce. I have to unwind or I'll go nuts. Maybe I haven't thought enough about how it bothers you and Tania, but it's not because I don't love you. I do, I really do. Listen, if I didn't have a home to come back to, I'd be lost. Divorce isn't the answer, Marleen, you know that.

You still love me, don't you?"

"Yes," I said, "God help me, I still love you. But love isn't enough anymore. Not for me and not for Tania. We both need love in return.

We need a man of the house who listens to our problems and helps solve them. We need a husband and father who cares And you just don't care, Herman."

"Well, screw you! " he said wrathfully, glowering down at me.

"If you don't like the way I act, then get your goddamned divorce.

Who needs you? You're more interested in that stupid job of yours than you are in me. And when it comes to the job you're supposed to do in bed-forget it! You're a total washout." , "How the hell would you know?" I screamed at him. "How long has it been since you've even tried? And if you did, you'd be too soused to do anything. So don't talk to me about sex. Go fuck one of your chippies.

God knows what you've picked up from them.

I always make sure I wash a glass you've used. I don't want to catch anything." "What the fuck are you talking about?" he yelled. "You think I don't use-" Then he caught himself and didn't finish what he was going to say. He took a deep breath. "Listen," he said hoarsely,

"we're both upset. I admit I forgot our anniversary, and I apologize.

But let's both sleep on this divorce thing. I don't want to lose you, Marleen, really I don't. I'll sleep in the spare bedroom, and maybe tomorrow we'll both see things more clearly and can talk it over like mature adults. Okay?"

"I'm going to bed," I said. "There's cold beef in the fridge. just like you, lover boy-cold beef."

He uttered one awful curse, and with a sweeping motion of his arm knocked the bottle of anniversary wine to the floor. It shattered into a million slivers, and the red bordeaux spread everywhere. We both stared at what he had done, shocked.

Then I looked at him. "What are you trying to prove?" I asked. I really wasn't sure what I meant.

I went upstairs and listened at Tania's door. I couldn't hear her crying or stirring about, so I hoped she had slept through the argument.

I went into my own bedroom and locked the door. I didn't even have the energy to wash up, just pulled on a nightgown and got into bed.

I thought of what he had said and what I had said, and what I should have said. The whole situation was just so sad that I wanted to weep, and I did, for a short while.

It suddenly struck me that the day had been utterly bizarre.

I had spent eight hours trying to create a fragrance that would make people more loving, more caring, and I had ended the day screaming at an uncaring mate whose love seemed reserved for himself I think it may have been then, in the hour or so that it took me to fall asleep, that I began to wonder if the solution to my personal problems might not lie in the solution to my professional problems. it was possible.

The reason I was putting on weight was that I was so unhappy.

I told that to Dr. Noble, and all she said was, "Mmm." But I really believed it. I know I wore a size 6 when I got married and now I wore a 12. That tells you something, doesn't it? When you're unhappy, you're snacking all the time, like Pepperidge Farm cookies and M amp;Ms. I wasn't a fatso, not yet I wasn't, but I was more zaftig than I wanted to be. I know my boobs were bigger and also my fanny. That was okay, I could live with that. But I was beginning to get flab under my upper arms, and my thighs were getting loose. That revolted me.

I mean I used to have a fantastic figure, everyone said so.

I wore the world's teeny-weeniest bikinis. But I guess those days are gone forever. Now I wear a swimsuit with a built-in bra and a skirt, for God's sake. I knew I looked exactly like what I was, a plump housewife with a freezer full of frozen packages of macaroni and cheese.

That's why it gave my ego a boost when Herman came on to me. I knew he played around a lot, but it was good for my morale to know there was at least one guy who had the hots for me.

I sure as hell wasn't getting any heavy breathing from my husband.

One morning, after Marleen and Greg had left for work and the kids were out playing, Herm came over for a cup of coffee. I made instant for both of us and sat down at the kitchen table with him.

I put out a plate of jelly doughnuts.

"What's with you?" I asked him. "You look worn out."

"I guess," he said, sighing. "Marleen and I had a big goaround last night."

"Yeah? About what?"

"I forgot it was our anniversary. She made a special dinner and bought a bottle of wine. I came home late, and she got sore."

"She'll get over it," I told him.

"I don't think so," he said. "She wants a divorce."

"Oh, shit," I said.

"My sentiments exactly. We talked about it again this morning before she left for work, and she's bound and determined.

She's going to see a lawyer."

"I'm sorry, Herm."

"Yeah. I am, too. Listen, Mabel, I hope you won't tell anyone about this. Not even Greg."

"Of course not. What happens now?"

"I don't really know. I guess I'll move out and take a motel room somewhere. Maybe if I'm not around for a while, she'll calm down and change her mind."

"Maybe," I said.

We finished our coffee and doughnuts. I stood up, and started putting the dishes in the sink. I was wearing an old ratty robe and my hair was up in curlers, but it didn't seem to bother him.

He got up and moved me around so I was facing him.

He loosened the belt on my robe and opened it. I was wearing white cotton panties, but that's all. He gave me a once-over.

"You're some woman, Mabel," he said. "We could make each other happy."

He leaned down to kiss my bazooms, then looked up at me. "If I get a place at a motel, will you come visit me?"

I didn't answer, and he bent down to kiss me again. He sure had a wicked tongue.

"Will you?" he repeated.

"All right," I said.

I said it without hardly thinking of what I was saying. I just said,