THE CHARLES RIVER reflects the fledgling green of spring along Bostons embankment, and Benton Wesley watches young men row a racing shell in perfect rhythm.

Muscles ripple like the gentle current, paddles dip in whispered plashes. He could watch and say nothing all afternoon. The day is perfect, without a cloud, the temperature seventy-five degrees. Benton has become a close companion of isolation and silence, and craves them to the extreme that conversation fatigues him and is weighted by long pauses that intimidate some people and irritate others. He rarely has more to say than the homeless people who sleep in rag piles beneath the Arthur Fiedler footbridge. He even managed to offend the loud, gregarious Max, who works in the Cafй Esplanade, where Benton on occasion buys root-beer and Cracker Jacks or a soft pretzel. The first comment Benton ever made to Max was taken the wrong way.

"Change." That was all Benton muttered with a shake of his head.

Max, who is German and often mistranslates English and takes umbrage easily, interpreted the cryptic remark to mean that that smart-ass in running clothes and dark sunglasses thinks all foreigners are inferior and dishonest and was demanding the change due him from the five-dollar bill Max tucked inside the till. In other words, the hardworking Max is a thief.

What Benton meant was that Cracker Jacks at the Cafй Esplanade are served in bags, not boxes, and cost a dollar instead of a quarter. The toy-surprises inside are games printed on folded white paper, cheap as hell, and require the IQ of a pigeon. Gone are the days of Benton s childhood, when his sticky fingers dug through caramel-glazed popcorn and peanuts for treasure, such as a plastic whistle or BB game or, best of all, the magic decoding ring that little Benton wore on his index finger, pretending it empowered him to know what people thought, what they would do and which monster he would defeat on his next secret mission.

The irony isn't lost on him that he grew up to wear a special ring- this one gold and engraved with the FBI crest-and became the champion of decoding the thoughts, motivations and actions of people the public calls monsters. Benton was born with a special gift for channeling his intuition and intellect into the neurological and spiritual abysses of the worst of the worst. His quarry was the elusive offenders whose violent sexual acts were so heinous that panicking police from the United States and abroad used to wait in line to review their cases with him in the FBI Academy's Profiling Unit in Quantico, Virginia. Benton Wesley was the legendary unit chief who wore conservative suits and a large gold ring.

It was believed that from reports and nightmarish photographs, he could divine some clue that investigators missed, as if there was a magic prize to be rooted out during sessions inside the dank, windowless space where the only sounds were grim voices, papers sliding across the conference room table, and distant muffled shots from the indoor firing range. Benton's world for most of his FBI career was J. Edgar Hoover's former bomb shelter, an airless bunker belowground where pipes from the Academy's upper-level toilets sometimes leaked on worn carpet or ran in stinking trickles down cinder-block walls.

Benton is fifty and has reached the bitter belief that psychological profiling isn't psychological in the least, but is nothing more than forms and assumptions based on decades-old data. Profiling is propaganda and marketing. It is hype. It is just one more sales pitch that helps rake in federal dollars as FBI lobbyists stalk Capitol Hill. The very word profiling makes Wesley grit his teeth, and he can't abide the way what he used to do is misunderstood, abused, has become a hackneyed Hollywood device drawn from worn-out and faulty behavioral science, anecdotes and deductive assumptions. Modern profiling is not inductive. It is as specious and misleading as physiognomy and anthropometry-or the dangerous and ridiculous beliefs from centuries past that murderers looked like cavemen and could be unequivocally identified by the circumference of their heads or the length of their arms. Profiling is fool's gold, and for Benton to come around to that conviction is akin to a priest deciding there is no God.

No matter what anybody says, no matter what statistics and epidemiological studies suggest and intellectual gurus pontificate, the only constant anymore is change. Human beings today commit more murders, rapes, pedophilia, kidnapings, hate crimes, acts of terrorism and just plain dishonest, dishonorable, self-serving sins against all forms of life than the free world has ever seen. Benton obsesses about it a lot. He has plenty of time to do so. Max thinks Benton, whose name he does not know, is a wacko intellectual snob, probably a professor at Harvard or MIT, and a humorless one at that. Max does not catch the occasional irony or dry-ice wit that Benton was known for when he was known, and he is known by virtually no one anymore.

Max no longer speaks a word to him, just takes his money and makes a big production of counting Benton's change before shoving it and a slice of cheese pizza or a soda or a bag of Cracker Jacks to the "ScheiЯe Arsch."

He talks about Benton every chance he gets.

"The other day he buy a pretzel," Max told Nosmo King, the delivery man whose mystical-sounding name is the mundane result of his mother seeing No Smoking divided into No Smo king when double doors parted as she was being rolled into the delivery room to give birth to him.

"He eats his pretzel there"-Max stabbed his cigarette toward a canopy of old oaks-"and schtared up like some schzombie at that schtuck kite"-pointing the cigarette again and nodding at the tattered red kite high in the branches of an oak tree-"like it some schientific phenomenal or a schymbol from God. Maybe a UFO!"

Nosmo King was stacking cases of Fiji bottled water inside the Cafй Esplanade kiosk and paused, shielding his eyes from the sun as he followed the line of Max's cigarette up to the wrecked kite.

"I remember how that used to piss me off as a kid," Nosmo King recalled. "Get yourself a brand new kite and five minutes later it's hung up in power lines or a fucking tree. That sure is life. One minute things are moving along good, the next, the wind blows your ass to ruination."

Dark preoccupations and shadows from the past are what Benton feels and sees, no matter where he is or what he does. He lives inside a steel box of isolation that depresses and frustrates him so profoundly that there are moments, hours, days and weeks when he does not care about anything, has no appetite and sleeps too much. He needs sun and dreads winter. He is grateful that this early afternoon is polished so brightly that he cannot look across the Charles or up at the intense blue sky unless his eyes are blacked out, as they usually are, by sunglasses. He casually turns away from the young athletes who rule the river, pained that half a century has passed and he is no longer consumed by courage and conquest but by nonexistence, powerlessness and irrevocable loss.

Iam dead, he says to himself every morning as he shaves. No matter what, I am dead.

My name is Tom. Tom Haviland. Tom Speck Haviland, born in Greenwich, Connecticut, on February 20,1955, parents both from Salem, Massachusetts. A psychologist, retired, sick of listening to people's problems, Social Security number yada yada yada, unmarried, homosexual, HIV-positive, like to eye gorgeous boys eying themselves in the mirrors at the gym but don't pursue, don't strike up conversations, don't cruise gay bars or date. Ever, ever, ever.

It is all a lie.

Benton Wesley has lived with falsehoods and exile for six years.

He walks to a picnic table and sits on top of it, rests his arms on his knees, tightly laces his tapered fingers. His heart begins to beat rapidly with excitement and fear. Decades of a well-meant pursuit of justice have been rewarded by banishment, by a forced acceptance of the nonexistence of himself and all he has ever known. Some days, he can scarcely remember who he used to be, as he spends most of his time living in his mind, distracted by and even content with reading philosophical and spiritual books, history and poetry, and feeding the pigeons in the Public Garden, around the Frog Pond, or wherever he can blend with the locals and tourists.