Connie gave her one of the forms we'd printed out, asking for name and vital statistics… like human being, yes or no. When she left Connie punched her name into the computer.

'She looked sort of normal,' Lula said. 'What's with that?'

The information started flooding in.

'Everything checks out,' Connie said. 'Never been convicted of a crime, good credit. High school graduate. Waited tables for two years. The rest of her work history is on the line at a small brewery in Illinois. Relocated here two months ago, following her boyfriend. Twenty-eight years old.'

'You could start her in the office doing telephone work and computer searches,' I said. 'Then after she gets a feel for the job we can take her on some road trips.'

'Okay,' Connie said. If everyone's agreed, I'll call her and see if she can start tomorrow.'

'I'm getting restless,' Lula said. 'I feel like I need to go out and apprehend a scumbag.'

'Lonnie Johnson's still open, but I don't know where to begin with him,' I said.

'I'm chuffed over Caroline Scarzolli,' Lula said. 'We should have nabbed her. How does it look to get run over by a freaky old lady like that?'

'If we go back to the store she'll shoot us.'

'Not if we buy something.'

'No! I'm not buying any more dildos.'

'Don't have to be a dildo. They got lots of good stuff in that store. I might need a pair of panties.'

'Okay, fine,' I said. 'I'll wait in the car, and you can go in and buy panties.'

'I'm not just going for the panties,' Lula said. 'It's my cover. This here's serious shit. I'm gonna make an apprehension.'

I grabbed my shoulder bag and palmed my keys. 'I'll drive.'

I drove eyes forward, and I avoided checking the rearview mirror. If Ranger was following me to Pleasure Treasures, I preferred not to know. I parked on the street, two doors down from the store.

'I'm not going in,' I said. 'If she shoots you, you're going to have to drag your ass out the door, because I'm not going in to pick you up.'

'Hunh,' Lula said. 'I thought we were partners. How's that for a partner to act? I'd go in there for you. I'd walk on fire for you. I'd bitch-slap the devil for you. You wouldn't catch me sitting in no car if my partner goes into the danger zone. If it was you in there getting shot for upholding the law of this great land, I'd be there right behind you.'

'Oh for crissake,' I said, wrenching the door open. 'Just shut up. I'll go with you.'

Caroline looked up and narrowed her eyes when we walked in.

'We're just shopping today,' Lula said. 'I was real happy with my dildo, and I thought I'd come back and browse.'

'We've got a one-day special sale on electronics,' Caroline said. 'In case you're interested.'

'I might be interested,' Lula said. 'I had a Madam Orgasmo, but I burned out the motor.'

I made an unsuccessful attempt to choke back a snort of nervous laughter. I turned my back on Lula and made a show of being engrossed in a display of erotic oils. There was Lickit and Luvitt Chocolate Love Cream. Kama Sutra Slick, rub it and it gets hot, blow on it and it gets hotter. Spank Me Peppermint Cooling Cream. Pleasure Jelly to minimize friction and avoid irritation, enriched with vitamin E and completely edible.

Here's the thing about all this stuff… some of it I thought looked like fun. And truth was, I wouldn't have minded if Joe brought some of it home. I just felt like an idiot buying it for myself.

'She's got some good electronics,' Lula said to me. 'You want to come take a look?'

'No, that's okay,' I said. 'I'm trying to decide on these oils.'

'I think you should come take a look,' Lula said. 'I might need you to, you know, help me out here.'

'Those oils are all overpriced,' Caroline said. 'You're better off buying one of these vibrating miracle makers and they throw the oil in for free. It's a lot better bargain.'

'Gee, I really don't need a miracle maker though,' I said. 'I got a house full of them already.'

'Well, I need a miracle right now,' Lula said to me. 'You got any miracle makers in your bag? Do you see what I'm saying?'

'Sorry,' I told her. 'I left my miracle maker at home. It's in my cookie jar.'

'What's going on?' Caroline said. 'You two aren't thinking about trying anything funny, are you?'

Lula reached in her bag to get her gun but Caroline was faster. Caroline hauled the shotgun out from under the counter and pointed it at Lula's head.

'You better be reaching in that bag to get your credit card,' Caroline said.

'That's just what I'm doing,' Lula said. 'You sure are an untrusting person.'

'I'm thinking you both want to buy one of these Lady Workhorse cordless personal massagers. And I'm even going to throw in extra oil,' Caroline said.

I glared at Lula and forked over my credit card.

'Its not so bad,' Lula said when we were in the Mini. 'It's not like you got something useless. You'll get years of satisfaction out of this machine. Just don't go for thirds on account of apparently that's what freezes up the motor.'

I dropped Lula back at the office and sat at the curb for a while. I wanted Scrog to find me. I wanted to make contact and be done with it. I wanted the nightmare to be over for Julie and Ranger and everyone involved. After a couple minutes I called Ranger.

'Is anyone tailing me?'

'Not that I can tell.'

'Where are you?'

'Across the street, half a block south.'

'Now what?'

'Now we go home and order take-out.'

Fifteen minutes later, I opened the door to my apartment and Ranger followed me in.

'This is frustrating,' I said.

'He's out there, waiting for the right time to make his move. Probably he's enjoying the foreplay. We need to be patient. The police are scrambling, looking for him to be recognized. We're working from a different direction. We're playing the game with him.'

I tossed my purse and the Pleasure Treasures bag on the kitchen counter and rooted through the drawer where I kept all the take-out menus.

'What do you feel like?' I asked Ranger. 'Chinese, Italian, pizza, fried chicken?'

Ranger shuffled through the menus. 'Chinese. I'll have brown rice, steamed vegetables, and lemon chicken.'

And this is the problem with Ranger. I could spend a lot of time in bed with him, but he'd drive me nuts in the kitchen. I called the order in, adding Kung Pao chicken, fried rice, fried dumplings, and a piece of their Great Wall of Chocolate cake.

'When was the last time you talked to Morelli?' Ranger wanted to know.

'When I came home to change clothes.'

'You should check in with him. See if anything new is going on. Let him know you're working tonight.'

I slouched against the counter. 'I hate lying to Morelli.'

'You're not lying,' Ranger said. 'You're omitting some information. And if it makes you feel better, I'll make sure you work tonight.'

I did an eye roll and dialed Morelli.

'What?' Morelli said.

'I was just checking in.'

'Sorry, I'm still at work. Some big bad gangsta just took about fifty rounds in front of the B amp;B Car Wash and set a new world record for leaking out body fluids. They're not going to have to embalm this guy.'

'Anything new on Julie Martine or Carmen?'

'Nothing. We're waiting on DNA from Carmen. I'd like to spend some time talking to you, but I have to go. I'll be doing paperwork on this until tomorrow morning. Miss you. Be careful.' And Morelli disconnected.

'Some guy got ventilated in front of the B amp;B Car Wash,' I told Ranger. 'Morelli's working it.'

'Morelli's a good man with a sucky job,' Ranger said.

We were still in the kitchen and Ranger glanced over at the Pleasure Treasures bag. 'You must really like that store. You keep going back.'

'I don't want to talk about it.'