I couldn't think straight. Jamie's daughter. Marik's daughter. Mariik's firstborn, promised to demons and to Berys. Maran, who abandoned me, so careless with her body she didn’t know who my father was. Maybe Jarnie's daughter…

All of these were loud and most of them were frightening, but louder yet and triumphant, a song of release that soared above the rest, was the glorious thought, Whatever , may be, I am not Hadron’s daughter! He never was my father. His anger at me was not at me. He despised me not because I was worthless but because I was another man's child. Even though I did not, could not love him, it is not because my heart is barren. Despite all Hadron ever said and I ever thought, I am not a cold, heartless child. Dear Goddess, what a relief!

But there had to be more to the tale.

"Jamie, why did Hadron take her in? Did he not know?"

Jamie sighed. "Ah, Lanen. Well I know you never saw the softer side of Hadron's loving, but you must believe me. From the moment he met her he was smitten. No matter that she was no beauty, no matter that she had no fortune, no matter even to his strict Ilsan soul that she had travelled with me for over three years. Her manner was free and her heart was light, she was a strange grey-eyed Northern woman who stood in truth head and shoulders above her sisters hereabouts. In a week she had swept him off his sensible feet, he who had never loved another his life long, with her laughter and her brave soul. Before the month was out he asked her to marry him. They were wed a month past midwinter; hardly three weeks after they met."

He paused, and I had to ask about what he had not said. "You tell me he loved her, very well, I believe you—but Jamie, what of what she said to you? What was it—while I live I shall love you best, something like that." His face, clouded before, darkened yet more. "Jamie, I can't believe it. How could she love him?" When he said nothing, I asked, "Did she love him?"

He closed his eyes, old pain sharp-etched for an instant in his face. "I don't know. She never told me."

When he looked up I had to look away. The silence between us danced with shadows, new to me and terrible, but to Jamie they were old ghosts. He knew them well enough; and though they made him sad, they held no longer raw grief, only old sorrow. He spoke again sooner than I would have dreamed he could.

"She wed him, at any rate, and you were born at the autumn solstice." His voice grew softer. "I'd never seen Maran so happy. She had a smile for you that no one else in the world ever saw." I glanced at him and saw that sorrow had left him, and now in his eyes and his voice lived softer memories of her. "I asked her once if she could see in you anything of me or of Marik, but she laughed and told me that she saw only herself in little." He glanced at me out of the corner of his eye. "Or maybe not so little." .

"Thanks."

He snorted. "Wretched women, tall as houses the pair of you, and mean with it."

"You think I'm mean now, just you stop talking and see what it gets you."

"You're a glutton for punishment, aren't you? I'd have thought this lot was enough for one day," he said, finishing his ale. "Speaking of which, how about some more to drink?"

"Of course," I replied, and called the girl over. "A pot of chélan, with honey, and two mugs."

"Chélan? What for?" he asked.

"What do you think? You always told me that after a long drinking session it helped clear the head. We've been at this since midmorning and it's near dusk already." My point was reinforced by our host, who came round with candles for the tables to banish the gathering shadows. More folk were coming into the tavern, their day's work done, to quench their thirst. .

One corner of Jamie’s mouth twisted up and he looked at me from under his brows. "And are you feeling the effects of all this ale, you who never drink more than two pints?"

It hadn't occurred to me. I was astounded to find that I was perfectly sober. Jamie laughed at my expression and clapped me on the shoulder. "You have just learned one of the great rules of drinking, my girl. When you are deeply concerned, when your heart is troubled by deep grief or sorrow, drink makes no difference no matter how much you take. But I will say , chélan sounds good."

"Fine, it's coming, now would you get on with it?" I said.

He sighed. "Lanen, must we finish this now?"

"Jamie, I've waited twenty-three years to hear all of this. I think now is as good a time as any."

"Very well." He sighed. "You see, Lanen, the men of Illsa have odd ideas about women. They are very possessive, and Lady rest his soul, as dense as Hadron was even he could count. The old wives in the village simply leered at him, assuming that he and Maran had been lovers from the day they met, but he well knew they had not. She had denied him until they were wed, as would any good, quiet Illsan maid. He thought his life long that you were my daughter, but when Maran left, he made me swear never to speak of her, and for the sake of his good name I must always refer to you as his child."

"Jamie, why did you stay? You knew the truth, such as it was. Why did you cleave to Maran when she had denied you not once but twice?"

He turned his quiet countenance to me and smiled gently. "I stayed because I loved her, Lanen. And because as long as there was every a slim chance that you were mine, I would stay at your side to protect you."

"And Maran?" I asked, my voice tinged with the bitterness I could not hide. "I have asked you all my life why she left, and you never answered. Tell me now."

"She left because she had to," answered Jamie, sitting back in his chair with his mug of chélan hugged to his chest. "Not for herself, though she was miserable with Hadron. she unbound him when she left, did you know that? Their joining was dissolved in the eyes of the Lady. I have since come to believe that she wed him because she needed somewhere safe for you to grow up, and knew she could not provide it." He was staring into the depths of his mug; for all the world like a village wiccan preparing to read the future in chélan stains. "When you were six months old, she looked in the Farseer. Berys and Marik had recovered, more's the pity, and were preparing to hunt for her. Seems we were lucky in one thing from what she could gather, the Farseer itself protected her from their sight. But she was convinced in her bones that they would find her, and she didn't want them to find you." He looked up at me," Just in case."

I had finally heard all that my heart could bear. I felt dizzy and had to brace myself on the table.

"She left right then, dissolving her ties with Hadron but leaving you in the only place she could think of where you would be safe. I begged her to let me come with her, bringing you, but she refused to take either of us into danger. She seemed to believe that somehow Hadronsstead would keep you safe. I was angry with her for years, hurt and miserable,' but for whatever reason you are still alive. I have not heard from her since that day. And that is the end of it.

"And so, my lass," he said to me quietly, "that is why I have never spoken. I had to keep my word to Hadron, and since his death I have been waiting for the right time. That is who you are, to the limit of my knowledge, and that is the Jamie you saw last night. I feared I could not call on him, he has been so long silent; but when I saw you threatened I welcomed him and his skills." He coughed, then drank his mug dry. I was not surprised. I had not heard as much speech from Jamie in all the years I had known him.

Then he said quietly, one corner of his mouth lifted, "'you know, that big bastard is still wondering how he happened to die last night. He never felt a thing."

And all was right between us. I found myself answering , Jamie's grin, proud now of the skill that had saved our lives. How could I be angry at him who had been father to me when there was no other—who might be my father in very truth? And if death had been his trade he had changed it for another and better, and for my mother's sake. There had always been great love between Jamie and me; now it was closer and stronger than ever, and included my lost mother as well. I felt years older and shamed at my harsh child's judgement of him.