"Rimon!" Kadi said with annoyance. She projected sexual frustration, and Rimon started, turning astonished eyes on her.

When Abel had gone, taking an unwilling Willa, Rimon said, "Kadi, you didn't have to broadcast that right in his face!"

"How else was I supposed to get through to you? Abel knew—that's why he kept trying to leave. Rimon, it's almost six weeks since you made love to me. Soon I'll be getting too fat and clumsy to have much interest… and it's not good for you to go too long without sex. Remember what your father always said?"

"Oh, terrific!" he snapped. "Now you want to make love to me as some sort of—therapy!"

"No. I want to celebrate! We've always celebrated life that way."

She moved close, her desire flowing into him. His anger evaporated.

Still, there was no urgency in Rimon. He let himself be carried on Kadi's desire, feeling love, gratitude, but no excitement. He made love to her with tender affection, making sure that she was satisfied; but he was not, nor did he want to be. He found it pleasant to give to her without seeking his own gratification—yet he knew he would never have thought of it had Kadi not provoked him.

When they lay together afterward, Kadi took his hand, running her fingers along his ventral sheaths, making the tentacles emerge. He felt her contentment in knowing she could do with him what she would. He snatched the tentacles back into their sheaths and sat up, his arms around his knees, closing her out.

He felt her momentary anger—and then the way she damped it, trying to get him back into her power.

"Stop that!" he snapped.

"What? What am I doing?"

"You're controlling me again! I can't live without you– but how can I live with you when I never know what you're really thinking?"

"Rimon—I have never lied to you."

"Your nager-lies to me all the time! I know you're angry now– but you don't feel angry."

"Yes," she said, letting it show. "I am angry! You couldn't have asked more of today. It was absolutely perfect! Yet you're determined to be depressed. What's wrong with you? Why aren't you deliriously happy?"

"Because I couldn't do it alone. I had to have you there to straighten out my fields. I'm becoming more and more dependent on you. You've got the power now, haven't you, Kadi? I'm trapped. I acknowledge it. And it's poetic justice, after all."

"Rimon—what are you talking about?"

"Ever since—ever since there's been a Sime Territory, we've raised Gens, used them, controlled them. And now, the only way we can stop using them… is to let them use us."

"No, Rimon!"

"No? You've just used me, Kadi—used me as your sexual plaything. I felt no desire until you turned me on."

Uncertainty in her nager, she said, "I love you, Rimon.. I thought you loved me."

"I do. Oh yes. It's just that I wonder if I ever had any choice in the matter?"

As their first winter on the homestead closed in around them, Kadi made an obvious effort to keep from controlling Rimon. Sleeting rain kept them housebound much of the time. Willa was becoming more and more of a help, her clumsiness slowly disappearing. She was a cheerful child, still eager to please as a puppy, ready to cry at a harsh word, but delighted with any praise or comfort.

They went to Fort Freedom often, traveling as much as the roads allowed, and now Willa giggled with delight when the wagon was harnessed, eager to go anywhere Rimon and Kadi went.

Abel could not achieve healing mode before he came into need again, and so resigned himself to another kill. "The last, may it be God's will."

The next day, when Rimon and Kadi came over as planned, they found him looking worn out instead of fulfilled.

"Abel, you tried to keep from killing," said Kadi as they warmed themselves before the fire.

"I had to try," he replied.

"But it spoiled the kill for you. Here, let me help you—" Automatically, she held out her hands to him.

But before she could touch the older man, Rimon leaped between them, a surge of fury driving him to shove her savagely back. She would have fallen into the fire had Willa not caught her, whimpering in terror. For one blazing moment, Rimon perceived a ravening Raider about to snatch his Gen. Under attack, Abel flicked into battle mode, and that goaded Rimon on.

Then the older man's nager froze, throbbing with bewilderment. "Rimon, I'm not going to take her! I'm not in need. Zlin me!"

The tension suddenly drained from Rimon. "Shidoni, Abel, I'm sorry! I don't know what made me do that.'"

"It's all right," Abel said gently. "Nobody's going to take Kadi from you."

"Kadi!" He turned, stared. "Kadi, did I hurt you?"

"No, Rimon—you just startled me, that's all. If you don't want me to help Abel, then I won't. I'm sorry I upset you."

But he could feel the apology like gall in her throat. Then he couldn't zlin her emotion, but only the tight control she held on it. Control. That means she's lying again.

He turned. "Abel, I don't know what came over me. Of all the people in the world I can trust you to…" Unable to find words, he sat down dejectedly on the couch. "I—wonder if I'm going mad?"

"Of course not!" said Kadi, sitting beside him and putting her arm around his shoulders. But he could feel her uncertainty.

She looked to Abel for help, and he drew up a stool and sat cautiously before Rimon. "Son—look at me." Reluctantly, Rimon raised his eyes. "I know you didn't mean to attack me. I know you're upset because your actions seem irrational. But haven't you seen other Simes act irrationally when they haven't had satisfactory kills?"

"I've had—"

"No. Not for two months now. Willa—poor soulless creature. She can give you selyn, but not the caring Kadi gives you, that must take the place of killbliss. Two months without that—I don't know how you even survive it!"

"It started before I gave up Kadi's transfers," said Rimon. "You—you were there the first time I did something crazy. The night I attacked your son."

"Jord provoked you unforgivably."

"Rimon," said Kadi, "that's the night you discovered my pregnancy! Maybe as my body adjusts, it's affecting you!"

"That may be," Abel nodded. "We have much to learn."

"Yes," said Rimon, "and we'd better get started." Abel wasn't suffering the kind of wobbling imbalances Rimon usually suffered, but his nager was dulled. "You can't work in this condition, Abel. Let Kadi—"

"No," Abel said firmly.

"Why don't you try it with Willa?" Kadi suggested.

At the sound of her name, the girl got up from where she had been crouching before the fire and came to Kadi. She was calm now, as they had calmed down.

"Kadi's right," Rimon said eagerly. "Any Gen who's not scared can do it—even a child."

"I know," said Abel sadly. "I caught Drust Fenell doing it for Vee after her last kill and I didn't forbid it because of what you'd told me. But if she comes to depend on him, what will happen to Vee if Drust establishes and has to leave?"

"We're so close, Abel," said Kadi. "Surely Vee can live in hope until Drust can come home again."

He nodded. "I pray you are right—and we'll never learn if we don't try. Willa?"

He got up and turned to the girl, who smiled up at him. "Willa, I'm going to touch you—" He stopped in amazement as she placed her hands confidently on his outstretched forearms.

"I've been working with her," Rimon explained. "We don't want her ever to be frightened if—if anyone should try to take her."

Abel said, "Good girl." Willa smiled again as he extended his tentacles. As soon as they were firmly in place, Willa leaned forward expectantly, and with almost awed reverence, Abel bent his head to press his lips to hers. When he released her, his tension seemed to have gone, and he put his arm around her shoulders and guided her to sit beside Kadi, repeating, "Good girl, Willa," as if to a trained housepet.