"There's one in this room."

"Creepy crawly demons!"

"You hate demons."

I nodded. "Demons suck."

"Indeed they do."

"Yanking off a hangnail with a staple remover is overrated."

"Indeed it is."

"Doesn't it hurt just having teeth for a face? What if you have to blow your nose? I don't understand how it works, I'm sorry."

"Look over there," said Mr. Burke, pointing. "Do you see the demon?"

I did indeed. It was a female demon, wearing a white lab coat spattered with blood. She was one serious babe, even though she had red scaly flesh and eyes that literally smoldered.

It was clearly a succubus. Or was it an incubus? I always got those two confused. It was a continual source of shame and embarrassment.

The demon hissed at me. I hissed back.

"You want to kill it, don't you?"

"Nah."

"Andrew, it's a demon. Aren't you the mighty demon slayer?"

"What kind of dumb shit are you talking about? Demon slayer, hemon slayer. I need to slay more hemons. What's a hemon? I'm hungry."

"The demon is looking into your soul, Andrew."

My God. He was right. The demon was staring right into my soul. It was learning my secrets, laughing at them, mocking them, sharing them with its demon brethren. The demon's evil was exploring inside me, wriggling around like worms, devouring its way into my heart.

"Make it stop," I begged.

"Only you can make it stop."

"It's scaring me!"

"Scare it back."

"It's going to eat me! Don't let it eat me!"

"You're being tested, Andrew. You can pass the test. You must learn to hate the demon, not fear it."

"I hate how scary it is!"

"Hate. Hate is the key. Control your hate. Control your rage. Don't let the demons win. Can you do that? Can you truly, deeply hate?"

"I… I think so."

"That's not good enough."

"Yes, I can."

"There are demons in the woods, Andrew. They're lost demons trying to find their way back home. Three of them. A mother and two children. Can you hate them?"

"Yes."

"Can you kill them?"

"Yes."

"I'm going to give you a knife. Can you slam it into the bodies of those foul creatures, no matter how much they scream, no matter what tricks they try to play on you? Because demons will lie to you. They'll change form. They'll pretend they love you. Can you kill them?"

"Yes."

"Then I shall release you."

I felt the hatred flowing through me, just as the pain had flowed through me before. The hatred felt good.

Really, really good.

I RODE IN A chariot of gold, pulled by two fire-breathing steeds that were the most beautiful animals I'd ever seen in my life, even when they started ripping out chunks of each other's flesh.

The world was cast into darkness, but the sun burned my eyes.

I smiled at my hatred. At my rage. That's what kept me strong. Demons were weak. Their compassion was their weakness, and I'd exploit that until their severed heads rested at my feet. Granted, the knife I'd been given really didn't seem sufficient for a demonic decapitation, but I'd worry about that when the time came.

The chariot stopped.

"You must go now," Mr. Burke said. "You must fulfill your destiny."

"Will I ever see you again?"

"Yes. I will give you this beacon." Mr. Burke extended a sparkling silver object toward me. He affixed it to the metal plate burned into my chest, my mark of honor. "This will let us find you, and bring you home."

"Will you watch over me?"

"I won't, but your guardian angel will. I'll watch the recording after you're back safe and sound."

"Thank you." I hugged him as if he were my father.

Then I began my journey.

I wandered for days. No, not days, but months. Years. For years I wandered the dirt path, fearful of the horrific noises emanating from the forest on each side but not letting my fear show.

I cradled my precious knife in my hands.

I realized I hadn't eaten or slept in years. That was kind of weird.

To help the months pass, I decided to make up a song. The Demon Song.

I am the demon hunter named Andrew.

Whose exploits will…

What rhymed with "Andrew?"

Andrew, Bandrew, Candrew, Dandrew…

I am the demon hunter named Mayhem.

Whose exploits will…

Damn.

Demons, demons, time to die.

For I will poke you in the eye.

And then you shall begin to cry.

As I sing your fatal lullaby.

I grinned at my own cleverness.

"Daddy!"

I spun around. A horrid creature emerged from the woods, its scaly skin as red as Red Vines brand original licorice twists.

The little girl demon.

The creature was so repulsive, so gag-inducing, I wanted to fling my knife at it and end its vile life right now.

But I wasn't that good at knife throwing, and I didn't want to lose my weapon. Anyway, demons were tricky creatures, and so I had to be careful.

It was running toward me.

"Daddy! Daddy!" it repeated.

This demon looked somehow familiar…

I hated it.

I wanted to rip its head off of its tiny shoulders.

It was moving quickly.

Don't fear it, don't fear it, don't fear it.

No demon could harm me.

Nothing could harm me.

A tree looked like it was eating somebody, but it may also have been bathing him.

I held my ground as the demon rushed at me.

Yes, I knew this one! Its name was Theresa!

Dumb name for a demon.

The demon stopped a few feet away from me. It bit its scaly lip as if unsure about something.

"Daddy? Are you okay?"

I'd be a lot better if this piece of crap demon stopped calling me "Daddy." I wasn't the parent of any hellspawn.

The demon backed away.

Did it really believe I was its father?

It couldn't possibly. But its tone of voice was so convincing.

Demons were tricky creatures.

I could be tricky, too.

"I'm fine," I said, in my most soothing voice as I hid the knife behind my back. "Come here. Come to Daddy."

The demon walked toward me.

Slowly, untrusting.

I had to bite my own lip to keep from laughing.

"Daddy, what's wrong?"

"Nothing's wrong, Theresa."

"Did they hurt you?"

I nodded. "They hurt Daddy bad. He needs you to comfort him. That will make everything okay."

The demon walked to me and wrapped its filthy arms around me. I wanted to gag.

I pushed the monster away.

"Daddy…?"

I slammed the knife into it, laughing as its warm blood spattered against my bare chest.

Helen's Side

WHERE COULD THEY be?

"Theresa!" I screamed so loud my throat burned. "Kyle! Where are you?"

I had horrible visions of my children caught in wolf traps, impaled by spears, dangling from meat hooks, and worse. Much worse. Grisly supernatural deaths at the hands of ghouls and ogres. Pretty much any tragic fate that could befall my children, possible or impossible, flashed across my mind as I wandered through the woods.

I couldn't lose them now. I just couldn't. I cried out for them once more, not caring if I was alerting more killers to my presence.

Then I remembered the limousine.

I limped toward the road, drenched with sweat, each step feeling like a great white shark chomped on my ankle. I fell twice, but I doubted I could make even this much progress if I'd broken anything, so as far as I could tell my ankle was seriously messed up but still in one piece.

I fell again when I reached the dirt road. I knew I had to be a sorry sight. A pregnant woman who'd been beaten half to death. It would be a miracle if I hadn't lost the-