And the other societies weren’t the only targets of our raids. I’d been amused to learn upon my induction into the Order of Rose & Grave that many of the most infamous items-gone-missing over the years could be found within the hallowed walls of the tomb. From what I could discern, the university turned a mostly blind eye to all of the shenanigans, so long as we kept our thievery confined to objects like champion crew boats, weathercocks from the roof of the president’s office, and the like. A few years ago, a valuable World Clock had disappeared from a college dining hall, and the benefactor as well as the college dean were so upset that it seemed like all fun and games had come to an end. With the heat on, the club decided to ditch their booty and found an opportunity to kill two birds with one stone when the local campus tabloid printed an exposé about Rose & Grave. Magically, the clock appeared in the tabloid’s minuscule office the following day, and an anonymous tip to campus police pointed the way hence.

I knew the story well. The editor of every publication at Eli had heard how the tabloid editor had been dragged into the provost’s office to explain himself. The clock’s presence in the tiny basement office was ridiculous, of course. No one believed they could have hidden such an enormous piece of equipment in a space hardly big enough to contain the rumors they collected. Naturally, the editor redirected the blame back at the Diggers…and mysteriously, the case against the thieves—whomever they might be—was immediately dropped.

Interestingly enough, the club portrait of D169 hanging in the tomb’s room of records features fifteen young men standing around the usual table showcasing the usual society paraphernalia. But behind them all is a World Clock.

We hadn’t chosen the target of our club’s big caper, but it was early yet in the year.

“This evening, to honor Persephone, we will hear the Connubial Bliss report of Knight Bugaboo. All agreed?”

There were sounds of assent in the room, and I took my place before the painting. I liked Connubial Bliss. She was not a beautiful woman, but she had a certain stark appeal. Her pose wasn’t openly seductive, nor pornographic (like some other nudes we’d found in the tomb’s collection), but rather a casual nakedness. In her hand she held a pomegranate, which, I’d learned, was a more accurate interpretation of Eve’s apple. Persephone wasn’t the only woman of myth who’d lost paradise by eating pomegranate.

Her gaze looked a bit beyond the viewer, her expression stoic, and at times I thought it was a little sad. Angel had said she looked aloof, as if she was above the adoration heaped upon her by the hormonal adolescents who usually used this room. Puck had said she looked sexy. So, clearly a naked Rorschach test.

I turned and faced my audience. “Most Sacred Goddess Persephone, Uncle Tony, and my fellow Knights of Rose & Grave…” And then I stopped. “Um, what is he doing here?”

I pointed to Poe, who had, of course, taken a seat in the most shadowy section of the room. He looked affronted. “What do you mean? I can come to meetings.”

“Oh, no.” I folded my arms. “I don’t want him here.”

“I’m a member of this organization,” he said. “I’m bound by the same oaths as the rest of these people.”

“He’s not in our club,” I said. “I don’t think—”

“But we always let the patriarchs sit in on the meetings if they want,” Angel said. I shot her a look. Dude, show a little Diggirl solidarity, huh? She hadn’t had that creep breathing down her neck when she was reporting on her sex life. Why should he get the honor of hearing about ours if we didn’t get to hear his in return? (Um, not that I’d want to!)

And I still had my ace to play. “I don’t feel comfortable. Isn’t the idea of this evening for me to feel completely comfortable?”

“What exactly is it about me that makes you uncomfortable sharing your intimate history, Bugaboo?” Poe said with a cold satisfaction.

“What is it about you that makes everyone uncomfortable in general?” Lucky snapped. There we go! A little support.

I stood there, looking at the club, who were approximating a tennis match audience. Poe, me. Poe, me. Poe, me.

Thorndike cleared her throat. “This is Bugaboo’s presentation. If the knight feels ill at ease in the presence of the patriarch—”

“She shouldn’t,” Poe argued. “I’m here like the rest of you, to participate in the experience of Rose & Grave.”

“Haven’t you gotten enough experience that you don’t need to horn in on ours?” I glared at him. He glared back.

“I think,” Thorndike said, “we should take a vote.” She rapped a gavel against the wooden top of the pillar by her throne. “All those in favor of restricting the C.B. reports to the members of the current club, say ‘Aye.’”

Everyone looked at one another. It was a momentous vote. I’m sure half of them thought I should drop the whole issue with Poe. Yeah, he was a jerk, but he was always hanging around the tomb, devouring our food and sulking. We’d almost gotten used to him. And he’d proved last year that when push came to shove, his oaths really did mean something. However, I could see it on each of their faces. They were all thinking of patriarchs they would rather not have around when it came time to do their own reports.

“Aye,” said the women.

“Aye,” said the men.

“Aye.” Angel shrugged and joined in.

“Aye,” said Puck. “We’d never want ’boo to be uncomfortable.”

“Aye,” I said, and smirked at Poe.

Thorndike took a deep breath. “The motion is passed.” She looked at Poe. “We request that Patriarch Poe of D176 leave the Inner Temple for the duration of the meeting.”

And then she tapped the gavel thrice, once, and twice on the pillar.

Poe didn’t look at her. He kept his cold gray eyes on me, and for a moment, when the last crack of the gavel sounded through the room, I thought I saw him flinch.

“Fine,” he said, shrugging to his feet. “I’m out of here.” His stately walk across the room was accompanied by not a single glance at any of the Diggers who’d just thrown him out. At the door, he paused. “If you guys hope to win back the favor of the patriarchs, let me give you a gentle hint. This is not the way to make it happen.”

The door closed behind him and we all sat (or in my case, stood) in silence. Connubial Bliss frowned down at me. I ignored her. It was bad enough I had to put my love life up to the scrutiny of my own club members. Poe was over the line.

“Okay,” Puck said at last, breaking the tension. He rubbed his hands together in anticipation. “Enough of that. Bring on the sexy stories.”

I smiled, and he grinned back. Sexy stories, huh? Without you in them, how sexy could they be? As I stood there, watching him do his best to get the rest of our brothers back on track and winking at me with those copper-colored eyes, I knew as sure as the painted chick behind me was naked that someday soon, I would have a story with George.

And I’d be super-glad I’d waited until after my C.B.

From: Lancelot-D176@phimalarlico.org

To: Bugaboo-D177@phimalarlico.org

Subject: Re: C.B.s and other indignities

no matter what you said in your e-mail, i can tell your c.b. went well! you survived! i knew you would! i’m sorry this whole patriarch thing is dragging out. i can speak from experience that it’s no fun when the people you look up to are turning their backs on you. but our decisions are correct. i know it. hang in there. i think soze will steer you right. he’s the best choice for club secretary because he knows how to win the hearts and minds of the alums. and if things start to get real sticky, you’ve got poe right there on campus to help you guys out. i know he would love to be involved.